The lady at the vet: “what’s his name?”
Me: “The shelter told me his name is Toby”
Her: “Well, what does he think his name is?”
Me: “........ Kunte Kinte”
She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
when I call him in every night, the neighbors think I've lost my mind
A Retail store!
She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, “They're watch dogs'!
Gonnit
He's an expensive watch dog.
His other dog sat in the corner. It's a boxer.
It’s fantastic! Although sadly it’s just a bunch of ruff cuts.
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the gate.
Going to call him Sub-woofer.
Now she can fart on my wife's pillow
But you can teach old people dog tricks.
He is Espanyol
He only knows how to heel
Which is to be expected since he is a trump-pet.
(From Abbott and Costello’s radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if I’d have been wearing a license plate, he’d have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen — in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother — Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen, I’m not talking about that. What is the dog’s breed?
Lou Costello: What does he breed? He breeds through his nose, like you and me!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, you dummy, what kind of dog is he? Spitz?
Lou Costello: No, but he drools a little.
Bud Abbott: Look, there are different types of dogs, such as Setters, and Pointers, …
Lou Costello: That’s it, Abbott! He’s a Setter-Pointer!
Bud Abbott: A Setter-Pointer?
Lou Costello: Yeah, he sets all day and points at the icebox! (Editor’s note: we now call an “icebox” a “refrigerator”)
They are calling it “Woof and Meowth disease”
So my mother is discussing the dog, saying we should get a new tag for her collar and she says, "let's make sure we get a cell phone and not just the home phone on it"
And dad walks in and says, "won't that be pretty heavy?"
So when someone asks I can say, "I walk 5 miles every day"
"I can dig it."
(Courtesy of my own child. I'm a proud daddy this day.)
The hole family pitches in
But police say they have no leads.
I hope it won't be too rough.
The Re-Tail Store
"What kind is it?" she asked.
"A Dutch Shepard", the owner replied...
"Obviously", I replied. "You can see the Two Lips..."
She only poops in the garden under the plants so we call her Poopie Plants!
Need as many puns as possible, this is a cry for alp.
Dad-"I have to put that dog in AA."
Me- "why?"
Dad-"She can't hold her licker."
I text a picture of our new American Bulldog to my dad.
Dad: Where are his legs?
Me: He's sitting down and it's a weird angle!!
Dad: Oh good I was thinking he would be hard to walk.
I bought a dog from a blacksmith. We were not home ten minutes and he made a bolt for the door!
