what do you call it when 2 cysts are right next to each other?

Cysters

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2021
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"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" I chuckled, "No son, it wouldn't be right." He sighed...

"Well, at least you could try."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. β€œYou need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. β€œDo you mow the whole yard in one direction.”

β€œWhy?” she asked.

β€œBecause that’s what makes it beautiful.”

Oh, the eye roll on this kid.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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My wife said she was leaving me because, β€œI can’t do anything right when it comes to housework.” Selfish woman...

...it took me hours to mop that carpet.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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I was on a game show and the final question was "What do you call a 3D painting made out of plaster?" I couldn't think of the answer and I was worried I'd lose all of the money. Then I got it right!

It was a relief

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What do you call it when you have to go pee right before you sleep?

Sleepy.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sk_Hulucool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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What do you call it when an Elephant has a loose tooth? Perfect joke with the LSU/Alabama game going on right now..

Tuskaloosa

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thedeadcatsociety
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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did I do it right?

my wife and I saw a clown and she goes "I hate fucking clowns" and I said "then don't fuck em"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudephatal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
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first post here, am i doing it right?
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smexy_Zarow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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I love doing labrynths, they're awesome right? To sum it up in a word...

It's a-maze-thing :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Duque_Caradura
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2021
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Rabbit comes to the bakery asking if they have carrot pie.

Rabbit: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? owner says no, we don't make carrot pie. Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? No! We don't make carrot pie! Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? No! I told you already! Rabbit came 3 days in a row so the owner thinks; I'm gonna make him a carrot pie he might be a regular! Earn some money. Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? Owner answers yes! Its right here! Rabbit answers: It's disgusting, isn't it?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matthew1_0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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Tried this on daddit and it was not well received, got a hard eye roll and a giggle from my daughter, am I doing this right? I need some help with my leeky bowl.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theaut0maticman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Its a pane in the glass to work at a window factory, I can see right through their flaws. Mirrors, however, is something I can really see myself doing.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n3rv0u5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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Not a dad (I’m a teen girl) but I have quite a few ones I thought up last night!

Why was the Headless Horseman never invited to business parties?

πŸŽƒ Because he couldn’t get a-head in life.

What did the eye say to the other eye?

πŸ‘€ Eye see you.

Why didn’t the right-handed man ask the other man if he was alright?

πŸ‘ˆπŸ» The other man was left-handed.

Why is the letter U upset about televison?

πŸ“Ί Because U isn’t included in it.

How come the letter Y hates asking questions?

❓The response is always, β€œY, you ask?”

Why did the horse become a comedian?

🐴 He was very fun-neigh.

Why did Mrs. Banana leave Mr. Banana?

🍌 They had a split.

What do you get when you cross a doctor and a lemon?

πŸ‹ Lemon-aid.

Why do the spices argue a lot?

πŸ§‚ Because they’re salty.

Why did the noodle have to go to bed?

🍝 It was pasta-his bed time.

What did Mr. Volcano say to Mrs. Volcano?

πŸŒ‹ I lava you.

Why do the gardening tools hate Stacy?

πŸͺ΄ Stacy’s a hoe.

Why are you beautiful?

πŸ’•Because β€œBe you” is in the word itself.

The last one is more heartwarming than funny, but I thought it’d be included.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmilyJoestar_3v3
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2022
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My doctor said I should be icing my broken finger to help the swelling go down... Am I doing it right?
πŸ‘︎ 288
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mystimel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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Doing it perfectly right
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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The other day after a football game My dad asked me why I had two black eyes.

Dad: woah! What happened to you? Why do you have 2 black eyes?

Me: There was a lady in front of me who’s dress kept giving her a wedgie every time she stood up. So I reached over and said pulled it out. She immediately turned around and punched me in the right eye.

Dad: So… how did you get the other black eye.

Me: Well…. The lady stood up again, and the guy next to me pulled her wedgie out… I knew she didn’t like it… so I shoved it back in.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenseiShwifty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2022
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I ate a clock the other day.

It was very time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedeathwaiter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2022
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Doing it right???
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arifckinggold
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Some top Tom Swifties
  • "Can't talk, busy camping," replied Tom, intent.
  • "The French don't deserve our thanks," said Tom mercilessly.
  • "Haven't you heard me singing in church?" Tom inquired.
  • "I'll win this tennis game if I get one more point, " Tom deduced.
  • "I didn't eat my T-bone tonight," said Tom mistakenly.
  • "So you're asking about my mink coat," Tom inferred.
  • "I'm wearing a watch around my wrist," said Tom with abandon.
  • "I'm the most important salmon vendor," said Tom selfishly.
  • "I was correct the first three times, and I am correct now," said Tom forthrightly.
  • "Castration is reversible," Tom remembered.
  • "I brought the dessert," said Tom piously.
  • "I command my own private army," said Tom maliciously.
  • "I'll order the same meat as last time," Tom revealed.
  • "I've never swum in Egypt's longest river," said Tom in denial.
  • "Et tu?" asked Tom brutally.
  • "That's women for you," said Tom dismissively.
  • "I'll have a bowl of Chinese soup," said Tom wantonly.
  • "I eat everything," said Tom in jest.
  • "I gave you your freedom, and I can take it away," said Tom deliberately.
  • "Maybe if I rub this lamp something good will happen," said Tom ingeniously.
  • "I'm never taking an Uber again," Tom derided.
  • "That dog is a mongrel," Tom muttered.
  • "It's too bad Babe isn't on our team," said Tom ruthlessly.
  • "Maybe I should stop using worms to catch fish... or maybe not," Tom debated.
  • "Hemingway is my favorite author," said Tom earnestly.
  • "This drumming is too easy," said Tom without missing a beat.
  • "This is a frozen dessert,” I screamed.
  • "Now I have TWO duck feathers", Tom doubled down.
  • "She would never answer her phone the first time, you always had to hang up once," Tom recalled.
  • "Two plus five is seven,” Tom added.
  • "I only have Diamonds, Clubs and Spades," said Tom heartlessly.
  • "It's okay, the PlayStation still works," Tom consoled.
  • "Capital punishment is mostly used on the lower classes," said Tom with poor execution.
  • "Where are all of my old board games?" asked Tom cluelessly.
  • "I might be acquitted," said Tom without conviction.
  • "I've never dyed my hair red, but I'll try it," said Tom gingerly.
  • "Ugh! I need to shave again," Tom bristled.
  • "Whale hunting makes me so sad," Tom blubbered.
  • "I'll quit smoking marijuana right now!" said Tom bluntly.
  • "I like hot dogs more than hamburgers," said Tom frankly.
  • "I signed it twice," Tom remarked.
  • "I received a letter to take my car in for repair," Tom recalled.
  • "I hate pale ale," sai
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2022
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My wife shouted CAN'T at 8:58 am then 10:02 am she yelled WON'T!!!

I told her we need to go to the hospital. Her contractions were only 4 minutes apart.

(My wife is actually in labor right now at the hospital.)

Edit: oops guess thay should be 8:58 and 9:02

Update: my wife is going in to surgery for a c section. Everything is going a little different than we hoped but it's OK.

Final update. The surgery went great everyone is doing well. I have a daughter now! Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnatomy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2022
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How do you gauge the room to see if it's right for a dadjoke?

Use a TherDADeter

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drunk98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies.

When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.

β€œCould you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?”

After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.

The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: β€œBut that is not nine!”

β€œOh yes it is”, said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, β€œTree + Tree + Tree make nine!”

The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.

After thinking for a long while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer.

The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: β€œBut that is not ninety-nine!”

β€œOh yes it is”, said the Irishman, β€œDirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine.”

The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.

After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer.

The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: β€œBut that is not 100!”

β€œOh yes it most certainly is”, said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent,

β€œDirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd, make a 100

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sushiexperiencer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2022
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Am I doing it right?

Which American President was least guilty?

Lincoln. He was in a cent.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chipsahoy36
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
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Looking for the most complex ligma joke of all time

Greetings Reddit. This isn't your classical dad joke, but I bet that this sub definitely has some memers versed in this particular art. I have an odd but noble request. A request that will probably involve you abandoning some of your morals and going to lengths that you never thought possible. Some of you may not survive this, others will be scared for life. For those of you who do survive, all I can promise is an absolute abundance of vicarious comedic climaxing.

I am looking for the most complex, well-executed, strategically sound, stealthy, and grandiose ligma joke of all time, one that my friend will not see c(u)oming. He is very, very well-versed in ligma jokes, so this will be a difficult task. For example, just today I tried to get him with a Europe joke (Europe on this dick), but he caught it right away, didn't even flinch. I got him with a Samir joke a few weeks ago (Samiring these nuts on your face), but that's the only recent success I've had (really had to tee that one up too). I even asked him if he wants to hear about the new girl I'm talking to named Wilma (Wilma dick fit in yo ass) AND HE DIDN'T EVEN RESPOND.

As you can see, I'm at war with an absolute psychopath who is extremely well-versed and capable in this particular style of warfare. I'm looking for a complex ligma joke that he will never see coming. I will go to great lengths to achieve this sweet comedic release. I am talking about some pepe silva level shit. I am talking fake my own death just to jump out of my casket at the funeral type shit. So, please send any recommendations. Before you call me a normie, this war is based on layers and layers of irony.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josh34521
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2022
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My dad is a circus performer

My dad is a circus performer. He’s been doing the same act for years and years, and it was at a performance of his that he met my mom. They both tell one story about his circus career. My father’s circus act is unique and nigh unbelievable. What he would do is place a walnut on a table just below his knees, whip out his dick, swing it around and use it to crack the walnut. One audience member who saw this when my dad just started out as a young man could not believe it, and left stupefied. Decades later, with my dad in his late 50’s and still doing the act, that same man came to see the performance. That time, my dad placed a coconut on the table, whipped out his dick, and split the coconut right in half. After the show, the man, insistent on talking to my dad, found him backstage, shook his hand, and asked: β€œAfter all these years, your performance still blows me away. But why have you changed to a coconut instead of a walnut?” My dad just looked at him and said: β€œWell, my eyesight isn’t what it used to be.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Brilliant5576
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2022
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Came Up With This One on the Fly

Our 3yo daughter was counting at dinner. And as 3 year olds sometime do, she was mispronouncing by saying β€œ1 Mistersippi… 2 Mistersippi… etc.” Our 8yo immediately corrected her, β€œIt’s MISSISSIPPI not MISTERsippi”. I jumped in with, β€œHe’s right. Mistersippi is Mississippi’s husband.” I got eye rolls from both the 8yo and my wife. Mission accomplished.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironmanbythirty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2022
🚨︎ report
Soapy dad jokes Special!

Day 7 of posting soapy dad jokes for a week!

I was going to post just one joke today but due to the situation right now, I have decided to post 7 just to try to lighten the mood a bit.

Here we go...!

  1. Why did the soap cross the road to the beach?

>!to get to the other tides!!<

  1. My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...

>!But it was a pack of lyes!!<

  1. I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.

>!then it dawned on me.!<

  1. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

>!then it's a soap opera.!<

  1. Last night thieves broke into my house but all they stole was soap.

>!cops say they got away clean!!<

  1. Which is better Shampoo or Conditioner?

>!is it the foamer or the lather?!<

And lastly...

  1. I NEED MORE SOAP PUNS!!

>!All the good ones keep slipping through my fingers! :(!<

Hope you enjoyed that! Please have a nice day!

>!Stay strong, Ukraine!!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graphicc_yt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2022
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My grandfather grew up in a small town.

His best friend, Roy, was known around town for having an adventurous streak that a small town just couldn't satisfy. Roy yearned to travel the world, to rub shoulders with the well-to-do, and to squeeze every drop of excitement he could out of life. While most young folk in town, my grandpa included, were resigned to their lot, Roy was driven by his dream. He worked incredibly hard, taking every hired-hand and handy-man job he could find. He would walk five miles each way to clean a gutter if there was a nickel to be made. His hometown was always spotless, because Roy would pick up every glass bottle he saw to get the deposit back, and every can he found would get turned in for recycling.

The years stretched on. Grandpa settled down with his high school sweetheart in a one-room cottage and had my dad, and not much else. Roy kept hurrying from one job to the next, never spending a dime on a date. Everyone would just roll their eyes and quietly gossip about how poor Roy's obsession was robbing him of a real life.

One day, Roy showed up at Grandpa's house, all decked out in a brand new khaki safari kit, complete with helmet, binoculars, and elephant gun, and announced that he had finally saved up enough for passage to Africa to go big game hunting. He was especially proud of the fine leather boots he was sporting. "Indestructable" he called them, totally impenetrable to water, wind, and snow. No trench-foot for him while he tracked rhinos on the savannah!

Grandpa congratulated Roy on his achievement and wished him bon voyage. Over the next three months, the town felt Roy's absence. Litter lay where it fell, gutters overflowed in heavy rain, small-time farmers rose that bit earlier and bedded that bit later to cover the work Roy used to help with. Of course, the gossipers just turned their chat from how Roy needed a dose of reality to how thoughtless it was of him to just up and leave. Most folks were convinced Roy was gone for good. After all, how could he come back from such a high-falutin' adventure to his tiny, no-account hometown?

But return Roy did, and everyone crowded around at the bar to hear his account of his safari. To their surprise, Roy told them that, for all the time he had been away, he only bagged one trophy that was currently on a slow boat back. It turned out, once Roy got a close-up look at the elephants, rhinos, giraffes, gazelles, and all the fine animals of the African savannah, he lost all heart for hunting. He just couldn't imagi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllylTeapot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2022
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Australian dad joke

In my book group the other day we were talking about overseas travel.

One guy had been to Australia years ago. β€œWhat’s the name of that big rock in the middle of the continent?” he asked. Somebody said, Ayers Rock.

β€œYeah, that’s it.” he said. β€œI climbed it.”

β€œWow, you climbed Ayers Rock?”

β€œYeah, but they don’t let you do that any more.”

I piped right up: β€œClimb-it change.”

Loud groans and shaking heads all around. Dad joke accomplished.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A paragraph of cooking/food based puns

Yam know, I know alot of ice food plums. I can dumpling em on you right now desprite the pickle I'm in. They're pretea cheesey but they get cheddar! There's eggndless pastabilities when it cucumbers to word plate. I doughn't meat to egg you on butter you should really try it! Just lettuce loose. Mustard up the courage to ketchup with the times and mayoby relish in the potgress of bready made humor! I know it mayo seem fishy butter you'll loaf it! I know you vegemight not carrot about puns but they're truly bratworth it! Clam on, don't be a chicken! Don't let your creams be creams! You donut know what you're mincing! Yah goatta be nuts not to try it once! I meat, water you doing right now anywaffer? Once you do, orange you be glad you tried? I'll even pear you up with someone you can make grape puns with! I'm sugar you'll be able to bake olive the amazucchini ones I'm saying right now! There'll be so much to tacobout. Though, I hope you don't have any beef. I don't think I'm stroganoff to stop boba you if you fight. I won't be able to cashew . Cerealously. Soooda...I guess you batter be ice and things will be all peachy! Oh to be a pizza the fun.. Man, I can go on but I'm dragonfruitn' this out and I avocadon't wanna come off as souper corny. So, lettuce toast to the cake world of puns and mango on like never before!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaptopArmageddon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
🚨︎ report
OK so, there's this trade publication for the hospitality industry

here's one i've been working on.

ok so there's this trade publication for the hospitality industry.

it comes out once a quarter, but just now they're doing their annual "best hotel" awards

and there's a prize for best overall, and, you know, the hilton group wins every year...

but there are also categories for boutique hotels, budget, airbnbs, etc etc

and then there's a "fun" category called "best hotel for nonhuman guests"

and loads of luxury pet care places are entering in, overpriced kennels basically, taking it really seriously...

but also ppl are sending pictures of insect hotels they've built with their kids in their back yards and stuff, it's a bit of fun.

and then this one person sends in an entry, which they say is "an overnight guesthouse for footwear"

...

and one of the judges turns to the other and says "right, this one's definitely going to win it"

the other judge says "why?"

...

...

... ...

"it's a shoe inn."

thankyouthankyou.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hjwp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
🚨︎ report
"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" "No son, it wouldn't be right."

"Well, at least you could try."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" "No son, it wouldn't be right."

"Well, at least you could try."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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My dad told me this one...

Dad: Do you know why the Germans are fuming right now? Me: No? Dad: They are upset that sausages and cheese have become so expensive. Me: I see, makes se... My dad interrupting me: They call it the wurstkΓ€se-scenario :D Me:...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelieveTheGat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2022
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Santa Doing It Right

I went to see Santa last night. He had a prostitute carrying a Dove bar and Sure deodorant. One whore, soap and spray.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad_Chicken_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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plumbing problems at the bar

A plumber walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to know what it would cost for you to take a look at our sewer line that keeps backing up," the bartender says. "Well, it would be $100 an hour if I fix it right now," the plumber replies. "Otherwise it will be two weeks until I'm free." "Okay," the bartender replies. "I'll give you a ring in two weeks," and walks off. "Why didn't you have him fix it today?" a nearby waitress asks the bartender. "It's worth waiting two weeks to see if he's going to do it for free," the bartender replies.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2022
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"I Lost My Job" Puns

My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!

  1. I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
  2. I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
  3. I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
  4. I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
  5. I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
  6. I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
  7. I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
  8. I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are β€œcremation” or β€œburial,” not β€œsmoking” or β€œnon-smoking.”
  9. I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
  10. I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
  11. I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
  12. I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
  13. I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
  14. I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
  15. I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
  16. I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
  17. I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
  18. I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
  19. I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
  20. I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
  21. I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
  22. I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
  23. I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
  24. I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
  25. I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
  26. I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
  27. I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
  28. I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
  29. I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
  30. I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
  31. I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
  32. I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
  33. I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dleishman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2021
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Love Song

I told two of my kids I had a message for them. So I sang to them, "Where ever you go, what ever you do, I will be right here waiting for yooooou!" Then I followed it with, "Love, The Dishes".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/craftymiser
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2022
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