If 3 lefts make a right, what do 2 rights make?
What do you call a fish that sings right on key?
"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" I chuckled, "No son, it wouldn't be right." He sighed...
"Well, at least you could try."
Why do people from the alt right only eat fresh food?
- Because they hate left overs
How do you find the right book in a library that was caught in a flood?
Using the mildewey decimal system!
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. “You need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. “Do you mow the whole yard in one direction.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
I was on a game show and the final question was "What do you call a 3D painting made out of plaster?" I couldn't think of the answer and I was worried I'd lose all of the money. Then I got it right!
What do you call the anime bill of rights?
My wife said she was leaving me because, “I can’t do anything right when it comes to housework.” Selfish woman...
...it took me hours to mop that carpet.
Did I do this right? I tried to do a name pun for the first time
What do you call potatoes you can’t eat right now?
What do we want? Rights for midgets!
When do we want them?
Shortly!
There is only one right I will do anything, even die, to obtain.
What should you do right after you have sex in a large formal dining room?
How do Right Said Fred like their eggs?
Freezer, built to do one thing, can’t even do that right!
FREEZER BUUUUURRRRRNNNN!!!
How do strippers decide on collective bargaining rights?
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What did the old surfer do right before he disappeared forever?
Do you know who loves staying at home right now?
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Why do ballet dancers change their routine right before the show?
To keep them on their toes.
“Dad, do all countries in Europe drive on the right?”
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, “Honey, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,
“Honey, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, “For the third time, yes I can hear you!”
“Jerr, why do you think I’m so annoyed right now?”, she said.
What do you call a man who is always right?
Single.
What do you call a married man who is always wrong?
Happy.
Not sure if this fits here, is funny or has the sciencing right, but here goes... What do you get if you combine Uranium-235 and potatoes?
Why do people never admit to being just the right amount of whelmed?
What do you call it when you have to go pee right before you sleep?
What do you call it when an Elephant has a loose tooth? Perfect joke with the LSU/Alabama game going on right now..
How do you gauge the room to see if it's right for a dadjoke?
What do you have if you have a snowball in your right and a snowball in your left hand?
Frosty's full and undivided attention!
Daughter just asked, "Dad, do you know what you would be if you tried to go to the north pole right now?"
An ice pop.
The dad joke is strong with this 8 year old.
Do you know who don’t want to be online right now?
If two wrongs make a right, what do two rights make?
Why do men wear their watches on the left and women wear it on the right?
What do you call a math student who has a wrong solution but right answer in an exam?
What do you call a Chinese man who always has the right change
“Dad, do all European countries drive on the right?”
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" "No son, it wouldn't be right."
"Well, at least you could try."
If two wrongs make a right what do two rights make?
"If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?"
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