I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours
Note: There are 867 new cases for today's reporting period plus an additional new 149 cases added for previous days
- Local cases:
- +1016 new locally acquired cases:
- +867 new local cases reported for 28 September
- +140 new local cases reported for 27 September
- +9 new local cases reported for 26 September
- Further case information will be provided this morning
- +1016 new locally acquired cases:
- Overseas cases:
- +0 new overseas cases recorded.
- Lives Lost:
- Sadly, 4 people with COVID-19 have died
- 💉 Vaccinations:
- +35,229 additional vaccinations were recorded for yesterday (only includes vaccinations being performed at Victoria's immunisation hubs).
- Note 1: Vaccinations being performed by GPs and at respiratory clinics are reported by Federal government.
- Note 2: We are reporting the increment since yesterday, which may differ from the actual number of vaccinations performed on the day.
Victoria Vaccination Coverage (among over 16s)
| At least 1 dose | Full Vaccinated |
|---|---|
| 77.9% | 47.7% |
DH Infographic 28 September 2021
- ℹ️Statements from the Premier:
- 19 September: Victoria's roadmap.
- 16 September: New Freedoms When 70 Per Cent First Dose Target Reached.
- 1 September: Slowing the spread and keeping our state safe
Update: Restrictions
Across Victoria, restrictions will modestly ease at 11:59pm on 28 September, in line with vaccination thresholds.
To see more information, visit Victoria To Hit 80 Per Cent First Dose Vaccination Target.
⚠️ Case alerts – public exposure sites ⚠️
As the list is constantly being updated with new location and details, please always refer to the DH website for the most up to date and accurate information.
Cases to date
| Last 24 hours | TOTAL | |
|---|---|---|
| Confirmed cases | +1016 | 34,975 |
| [**Doses administered |
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Buenosdillas
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours
- Local cases:
- + 847 new locally acquired cases:
- Further case information will be provided this morning
- + 847 new locally acquired cases:
- Overseas cases:
- +0 new overseas cases recorded.
- Lives Lost:
- Sadly, 1 person with COVID-19 has died
- 💉 Vaccinations:
- +37,609 additional vaccinations were recorded for yesterday (only includes vaccinations being performed at Victoria's immunisation hubs).
- Note 1: Vaccinations being performed by GPs and at respiratory clinics are reported by Federal government.
- Note 2: We are reporting the increment since yesterday, which may differ from the actual number of vaccinations performed on the day.
Victoria Vaccination Coverage (among over 16s)
| At least 1 dose | Full Vaccinated |
|---|---|
| 76.3% | 46.6% |
DH Infographic 25 September 2021
- ℹ️Statements from the Premier:
- 19 September: Victoria's roadmap.
- 16 September: New Freedoms When 70 Per Cent First Dose Target Reached.
- 1 September: Slowing the spread and keeping our state safe
Restrictions
In order to work, all staff in schools and early childhood services will be required to have a first dose by 18 October or have a booking within one week, with full vaccination required by 29 November unless a medical exemption applies – including in government and non-government schools and all types of early childhood and care settings.
The City of Greater Geelong, Surf Coast Shire and Mitchell Shire are in lockdown. For more information, see Seven day lockdown: Geelong, Surf Coast and Mitchell Shire.
Details on Victoria’s Roadmap can be found at Victoria's roadmap.
Changes to Extreme Risk Zones in New South Wales mean the border bubble permit exemption is again in effect (excluding Albury, which remains an Extreme Risk Zone). For more information, see Information for cross border communities
... keep reading on reddit ➡New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours
- Local cases:
- +779 new locally acquired cases:
- Further case information will be provided this morning
- +779 new locally acquired cases:
- Overseas cases:
- +0 new overseas cases recorded.
- Lives Lost:
- Sadly, 2 people with COVID-19 have died
- 💉 Vaccinations:
- +34,487 additional vaccinations were recorded for yesterday (only includes vaccinations being performed at Victoria's immunisation hubs).
- Note 1: Vaccinations being performed by GPs and at respiratory clinics are reported by Federal government.
- Note 2: We are reporting the increment since yesterday, which may differ from the actual number of vaccinations performed on the day.
Victoria Vaccination Coverage (among over 16s)
| At least 1 dose | Full Vaccinated |
|---|---|
| 76.9% | 47.0% |
DH Infographic 26 September 2021
- ℹ️Statements from the Premier:
- 19 September: Victoria's roadmap.
- 16 September: New Freedoms When 70 Per Cent First Dose Target Reached.
- 1 September: Slowing the spread and keeping our state safe
Restrictions
In order to work, all staff in schools and early childhood services will be required to have a first dose by 18 October or have a booking within one week, with full vaccination required by 29 November unless a medical exemption applies – including in government and non-government schools and all types of early childhood and care settings.
The City of Greater Geelong, Surf Coast Shire and Mitchell Shire are in lockdown. For more information, see Seven day lockdown: Geelong, Surf Coast and Mitchell Shire.
Details on Victoria’s Roadmap can be found at Victoria's roadmap.
Changes to Extreme Risk Zones in New South Wales mean the border bubble permit exemption is again in effect (excluding Albury, which remains an Extreme Risk Zone). For more information, see Information for cross border communities
... keep reading on reddit ➡New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours
- Local cases:
- +705 new locally acquired cases:
- Further case information will be provided this morning
- +705 new locally acquired cases:
- Overseas cases:
- +0 new overseas cases recorded.
- Lives Lost:
- Sadly, 1 person with COVID-19 has died
- 💉 Vaccinations:
- +29,661 additional vaccinations were recorded for yesterday (only includes vaccinations being performed at Victoria's immunisation hubs).
- Note 1: Vaccinations being performed by GPs and at respiratory clinics are reported by Federal government.
- Note 2: We are reporting the increment since yesterday, which may differ from the actual number of vaccinations performed on the day.
Victoria Vaccination Coverage (among over 16s)
| At least 1 dose | Full Vaccinated |
|---|---|
| 77.5% | 47.4% |
DH Infographic 27 September 2021
- ℹ️Statements from the Premier:
- 19 September: Victoria's roadmap.
- 16 September: New Freedoms When 70 Per Cent First Dose Target Reached.
- 1 September: Slowing the spread and keeping our state safe
Update: Restrictions
At 11:59pm Sunday, 26 September, lockdown lifted in the City of Greater Geelong and Surf Coast Shire, with restrictions matching those in place elsewhere in regional Victoria. Mitchell Shire will remain in lockdown.
To see current COVIDSafe settings in the remainder of regional Victoria, visit How we live: remainder of regional Victoria.
Across Victoria, restrictions will modestly ease at 11:59pm on 28 September, in line with vaccination thresholds.
To see more information, visit Victoria To Hit 80 Per Cent First Dose Vaccination Target.
⚠️ Case alerts – public exposure sites ⚠️
As the list is constantly being updated with new location and details, please always refer to the DH website ***for the most up to date and accurate i
... keep reading on reddit ➡New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours
- Local cases:
- +733 new locally acquired cases:
- Further case information will be provided this morning
- +733 new locally acquired cases:
- Overseas cases:
- +0 new overseas cases recorded.
- Lives Lost:
- Sadly, 1 person with COVID-19 has died
- 💉 Vaccinations:
- +41,288 additional vaccinations were recorded for yesterday (only includes vaccinations being performed at Victoria's immunisation hubs).
- Note 1: Vaccinations being performed by GPs and at respiratory clinics are reported by Federal government.
- Note 2: We are reporting the increment since yesterday, which may differ from the actual number of vaccinations performed on the day.
Victoria Vaccination Coverage (among over 16s)
| At least 1 dose | Full Vaccinated |
|---|---|
| 75.4% | 45.9% |
DH Infographic 24 September 2021
- ℹ️Statements from the Premier:
- 19 September: Victoria's roadmap.
- 16 September: New Freedoms When 70 Per Cent First Dose Target Reached.
- 1 September: Slowing the spread and keeping our state safe
Restrictions
Lockdown in Ballarat ended at 11:59pm yesterday.
For more information, see Lockdown in the City of Ballarat to lift on schedule.
In order to work, all staff in schools and early childhood services will be required to have a first dose by 18 October or have a booking within one week, with full vaccination required by 29 November unless a medical exemption applies – including in government and non-government schools and all types of early childhood and care settings.
The City of Greater Geelong, Surf Coast Shire and Mitchell Shire are in lockdown. For more information, see Seven day lockdown: Geelong, Surf Coast and Mitchell Shire.
Details on Victoria’s Roadmap can be found at Victoria's roadmap.
Changes to Extreme Risk Zones in New South Wales mean the border bubble permit exemption is again in effect
... keep reading on reddit ➡
