The Death was Shocking to be honest
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Other-Dog4673
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Ever since the Death Star blew up, Anakin has taken to the NY Stock Exchange

He goes by Darth Trader

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I’m deathly afraid of elevators

So I take steps to avoid them

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ballsquancher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death

The police are treating it as a hummuside

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?

It becomes a Megadeth song

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sandstar115
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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A woman was on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection

the judge says: "First offender" The woman replies: "No, first a Gibson, the a Fender"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease

We're called "Gluten for Punishment."

Our first single is "Bread or Alive."

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrranger11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I know it's too soon and still very controversial, but it's likely that the rioters may have the death penalty.

It was, after all, a Capitol offense.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roguebuckeye
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..

It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Never challenge Death to a pillow fight!

Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holy_Kynon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.

...it’s a matter of wife or death.

πŸ‘︎ 540
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joepopp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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What’s it called when you tickle a man to death by accident?

Manslaughter

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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A Brush with Death
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/butlerbert23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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When the White Death loaded his rifle...

The Russians were Finnished

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrLazyTiger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Breaking: LEGO man gets squashed to death.
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Some consider owls to be symbols of death.

Especially mice.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlamboyantFlower
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?

They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitz_cuniculus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Maths is fun. It teaches you life and death info...

Like, when you're freezing, go and stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Where do cats go after death?

To the purrgatory.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.

"Ma'am you son dried "

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.

It's been reported he could have done with another coat.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Death came for my soul today

Thank god I was in the living room when he came

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kennycrab12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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What is the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

πŸ‘︎ 403
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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[OC] death goes grocery shopping
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fyahspreadit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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Best and worst death ? /!\ dark humor

« What is the best death according to you ?

  • I think the best way to go is to die like my grandfather... he fell asleep and never woke up.

  • Dying in your sleep is indeed said to be the best way to go. So what do you consider the worst way to die ?

  • Like my grandfather’s friends.

-Why ? How did they die ?

-They were in the car when Grandpa fell asleep.Β Β»

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTinou
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I heard people are blaming imaginary evil spirits for Micheal Jackson's death.

Guess they're blaming it on the boogie.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aniketraghav7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.

After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians

It was a bombshell

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRTJ115
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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What do you call it when you mix a laxative with alphabet soup?

Letter rip

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotblake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I wish him well
πŸ‘︎ 822
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlothsRevenge622
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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What did Kim Jong Un say on his death bed?

My Korea is over

πŸ‘︎ 310
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredvanvleetsr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the sad news about the free-solo rock climber that fell to his death?

It’s a real shame because he was such a down-to-earth guy.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikebailey1979
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
On my death bed I’l request to be moved to a tub full of pees just before I die so people can say β€˜may he rest in pees’
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Behind the death of the the Bishop
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Gavin always said his crippling heartburn would be the death of him. I still can't believe

Gaviscon

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sincers21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Till death do us rock
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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What did Death begrudgingly tell Jesus before his resurrection?

"Oh, get out of my scythe!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubbergnome
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.

The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.

It was a ham bush

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MafiaCub
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight...

Unless you’re prepared to deal with the Reaper cushions.

stolen from r/jokes. Credit to u/shopcounterwill. I don’t know how to link or tag stuff on Reddit

Edit: apparently I do. Haha

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmorris82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Two Ninjas are in a cage match to the death. Which team throws in the towel first?

Nunchucks.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MKUltraSonic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Never start a pillow fight with Death...

...unless you're sure you can handle the Reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you are prepared to face the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswarthyknight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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