The Death was Shocking to be honest
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Ever since the Death Star blew up, Anakin has taken to the NY Stock Exchange
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Iβm deathly afraid of elevators
So I take steps to avoid them
π︎ 105
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?
It becomes a Megadeth song
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 19 2021
A woman was on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection
the judge says: "First offender" The woman replies: "No, first a Gibson, the a Fender"
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Our first single is "Bread or Alive."
π︎ 77
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I know it's too soon and still very controversial, but it's likely that the rioters may have the death penalty.
It was, after all, a Capitol offense.
π︎ 17
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..
It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight!
Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 15 2021
My girlfriend says if we donβt get married soon, sheβs gonna kill me.
...itβs a matter of wife or death.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Whatβs it called when you tickle a man to death by accident?
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 19 2020
A Brush with Death
π︎ 29
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︎ Oct 11 2020
When the White Death loaded his rifle...
The Russians were Finnished
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Breaking: LEGO man gets squashed to death.
π︎ 49
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Some consider owls to be symbols of death.
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Maths is fun. It teaches you life and death info...
Like, when you're freezing, go and stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Where do cats go after death?
π︎ 19
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︎ Nov 03 2020
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 16 2020
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Death came for my soul today
Thank god I was in the living room when he came
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 22 2020
What is the leading cause of dry skin?
π︎ 403
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︎ Dec 01 2020
[OC] death goes grocery shopping
π︎ 4k
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︎ Feb 17 2020
Best and worst death ? /!\ dark humor
« What is the best death according to you ?
-
I think the best way to go is to die like my grandfather... he fell asleep and never woke up.
-
Dying in your sleep is indeed said to be the best way to go. So what do you consider the worst way to die ?
-
Like my grandfatherβs friends.
-Why ? How did they die ?
-They were in the car when Grandpa fell asleep.Β Β»
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︎ Nov 10 2020
I heard people are blaming imaginary evil spirits for Micheal Jackson's death.
Guess they're blaming it on the boogie.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Once, I agreed to help Death move his couch to his new place.
After we got there, I realized I forgot those things youβre supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 28 2020
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What do you call it when you mix a laxative with alphabet soup?
π︎ 27
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I wish him well
π︎ 822
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︎ Oct 05 2020
A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What did Kim Jong Un say on his death bed?
π︎ 310
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Did you hear the sad news about the free-solo rock climber that fell to his death?
Itβs a real shame because he was such a down-to-earth guy.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
On my death bed Iβl request to be moved to a tub full of pees just before I die so people can say βmay he rest in peesβ
π︎ 12
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︎ Aug 22 2020
Behind the death of the the Bishop
π︎ 18
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︎ Aug 10 2020
Gavin always said his crippling heartburn would be the death of him. I still can't believe
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Till death do us rock
π︎ 13
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︎ Aug 01 2020
What did Death begrudgingly tell Jesus before his resurrection?
"Oh, get out of my scythe!"
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 16 2020
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Donβt challenge Death to a pillow fight...
Unless youβre prepared to deal with the Reaper cushions.
stolen from r/jokes. Credit to
u/shopcounterwill. I donβt know how to link or tag stuff on Reddit
Edit: apparently I do. Haha
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Two Ninjas are in a cage match to the death. Which team throws in the towel first?
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight
Unless youβre prepared to handle the reaper cushions
π︎ 19
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Never start a pillow fight with Death...
...unless you're sure you can handle the Reaper cushions.
π︎ 1k
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︎ May 19 2020
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight
Unless you are prepared to face the reaper cushions.
π︎ 68
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︎ Aug 29 2020
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