Dailamites Puns

It should go without saying that when the Vehrkani settled new mountainous, rainy lands, chariot-archery ceased to be the same indomitable force that it was on the open steppe. Warfare had to change, or the Alborzi Vehrkani would find themselves obliterated either by the Mamaruncai horse lords to the east, or the newly-ascendant Marifaya to the south. While the proximity and cultural similarity to the Marifaya meant that the legends of creatures half-horse and half-men didn’t quite resonate, the League and the Dailamites understood the threat that the Marifaya posed as they continued to raid through the mountain passes for loot and slaves.

Archery and infantry went through many important developments at this time, many of which took great advantage of the increasing size of armies. One of the most significant was the development of the composite bow. Though these bows had to be better-protected from the moist climate of Vehrkana due to the glues and metals used in their construction, they were much smaller without sacrificing draw strength, and so allowed for greater maneuverability amongst the hills, forests and mountains which surrounded their home. They could also be more-easily used on the back of a chariot, and were more-suited to flight archery: that is, when fired in an arc, the arrows would fly great distances, allowing a group of skilled marksmen to dispatch an enemy force before they even came within fighting distance. The Vehrkani quickly learned how to win battles before they started, with a barrage of long-distance arrows.

Unlike previous small raiding parties and militias, long-distance flight archery was best utilized when firing in large numbers. A tactic which similarly took advantage of a larger recruitable population was the development of infantry wielding large spears and tall shields, known as “sparabara”. These soldiers would form a line in front of their skirmishers and archers, allowing them to get shots off without fearing retaliation. If cavalry or infantry did manage to survive the barrage of arrows, they would be met with a wall of shieldbearers, followed by a swarm of flanking chariots.

Increasing army sizes also had the impact of recentering the power in Vehrkana away from the League, and towards the Kingdom of the Daylamites. Whereas the League of Vehrkana had to vote at an assembly of cities and vote successfully to muster a sizable force, Dailam was able to do so with a single decree from the king, and King Ashuud Dayla

Mamaruncan. It was a city which struck fear into the hearts of all Aryan peoples. Once the envy of both Iran and the Far East, it had gone through a period of decline, and then a resurgence which had brought it to heights it had never seen before. Although cities in Mesopotamia now eclipsed it, Mamaruncan was still the Gateway to the East. With the invention of the spoked wheel and the domestication of the camel, people were now capable of making the same route that the Grand Caravan of Hashnahsah had so many centuries ago.

Unfortunately for the Shahdom of Dailam, the Resurgence of Mamaruncan had stolen away the suzerainty of the wealthy cities of Eastern Vehrkana, most notably Amol and Twakasa. The Second Vehrkani League, or League of Kracapaya, had taken Dailam’s place as the most powerful entity in Vehrkana, and blocked Dailam out of the trade networks which were once the foundation of their economy.

Dailam couldn’t simply conquer back East Vehrkana, however; Mamaruncan’s army was far mightier than theirs, and an offensive war against an opponent surrounded by mountain passes would be near-suicidal. Instead, Dailam pushed into the territories it had conquered from Marifaya but were previously unable to hold. It was Shah Ashuud IV’s hope that conquering East Marifaya would allow for the creation of a new trade route eastwards, bypassing Mamaruncai lands entirely.

Unfortunately for Ashuud IV, Shah Kavohz of Mamaruncan did not see these actions the same way. Kavohz thought that Ashuud was attempting to circumvent Mamaruncan’s defenses and attack from the south. Kavohz was also worried about the loyalty of his own nobles: the auruvanyas tended to grow restless in times of peace, and were prone to loot and pillage when they did not have the spoils of war to satiate them. Kavohz therefore used the annexation of East Marifaya as casus belli to declare war on the Kingdom of Dailam, hoping to bring the entirety of Vehrkana under Mamaruncai control.

Very little fighting took place in Marifayan lands. These areas had been thoroughly decimated by famine, and it took only a token force for Ashuud IV to subjugate them. However, this campaign meant Ashuud was far away from Harahan when the Mamaruncai attacked.

Fortunately, the Dailamites had quite literally been preparing for a Mamaruncai invasion for centuries. The West Alborz Mountains were covered in fortifications and other defensive measures, the most common of which were large archer towers built high on th

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

They were cooked in Greece.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Why

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap