... and where he likes to get it from?
He said, Och Asian Alley.
It was a hard pill to swallow.
http://imgur.com/a/j9cGL?gallery
Dad Humpback: Nah. Whatever doesn't krill you makes you stronger.
Because he thought that it was too plane.
As you can guess, his wife got custurdy.
I dyed a little on the inside.
Ah, dad chokes.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/615gh8/in_a_serious_food_fight_a_food_fight_to_the_death/dfc7q3q/
Answer - Extra Sharp Cheddar
I am burning calories
It was a real naan sequitur.
After I opened a fortune cookie with no fortune inside, my father turned to me and said "Looks like you got an unfortunate cookie."
Dad: son, what did you just put on your rice?
Son: soy sauce
Dad: hola, Sauce! Soy Papa!
Cashier: swipes Dad's credit card. hands it back.
Cashier: looks at register. Sir, can I see your card again? It didn't work the first time.
Dad: I'm not wearing a cardigan.
Tosti-tos!
He thought this was absolutely hilarious. I got a good "har-har" out of it... and promptly repeated the joke to someone else. A bad pun makes you groan; a good pun makes you groan and then tell someone else the joke.
She said, "Fries and shit."
"So... poo-tine?"
...but still, there was the fodder, the son and the goalie host.
"Just the wife"
"Dad can you make me a hotdog?"
"POOF! You're a hotdog."
Used to hear this all the time from dads as a cashier at a fast food place:
Me: Hi, can I help you?
Dad: No, I don't think anyone can.
My sides.
They've been on the ends of my arms as long as I can remmember.
He checks the back of the product and says "Weird, it says light on the front but it weighs the same as the normal stuff".
Every god damn time.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4stjtt/customers_of_restaurants_thats_appeared_on_gordon/d5c5il9?context=1
Me: Let's order Thai food
Dad: Aren't you sick of eating food all the THAIme?
My mum eventually came in and didn't get the joke at all.
edit: Formatting
Fortune cookies on table
Dad opens one, and cracks it. Reads fortune to himself, and is "perplexed."
Dad: This is weird.
Sucker who hasn't had Chinese food with us before: What's weird?
Dad: My fortune. It says "help, I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory."
EVERYONE ROLLS EYES HARD AS HELL
"Yeah, I'm saving it for Ron."
"Who?"
"Later-Ron"
http://i.imgur.com/jZjsC85.jpg
Me: "Hey dad why don't we order some food from that new Mexican place?"
Dad: ^In ^a ^serious, ^angry ^tone "Why, it'll take FOREVER!"
Me: ^Rather ^pissed ^off "What the hell do you mean, they're right down the street?"
Dad: "But you said it was in New Mexico!" ^Breaks ^out ^into ^laughter.
Dad: "What did Burger King give to Dairy Queen on their wedding day?" Me: "What?" Dad: "An onion ring"
Dad: Have you tried any of the Chex Mix yet?
Me: Yes!
Dad: You like?
Me: Yep
Dad: K good just chexing
Me: "I'll have a wonton soup please." Dad to waitress: " Wonton? That seems pretty heavy you think you can carry that out here? Brother: "And I'll have a wonton also." Dad: "Two tons? Wow."
"You're job is a lot like my kids, you both sit around and cut the cheese all day."
Brother: What's a wonton?
Mom: Eh, it's about 2000 pounds.
Mom: Is it me or is this fish salty?
Me: Yeah you're right, it's too salty.
Dad: Well duh, it's a saltwater fish.
My mom chopping up mushrooms for a stir fry, while I'm sitting in the adjacent living room.
Dad walks up to Mom and says "No fungi for this fun guy!" With the exuberance of a kid on Christmas. Needless to say, I cringed fairly hard.
To Son: never let your meatloaf.
To Daughter: and never let your pussy willow.
And the other: remember you can mash potatoes but you can't pea soup
It was a hard pill to swallow.
