Itβs my 3rd cake day so I figured Iβd celebrate with my all time favorite joke/pun
I was going to tell you a joke about a pizza but it was too cheesy.
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︎ Apr 13 2022
Whatβs the last thing youβd ever want to buy if you are at the grocery store?
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︎ Apr 15 2022
In honor of Motherβs Day, Iβd just like to say,
βthank you for your cervix.β
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︎ May 09 2021
Whatβd the wife alpaca say to the husband alpaca, when he said, βitβs cold out?β
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︎ Jan 15 2022
What do you call the med student that gets a D on the Drβs Licensing Exam?
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︎ Dec 29 2021
I went to McDβs and ordered 2 Large Fries
I ended up with about 100 tiny ones instead
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︎ Dec 19 2021
Sheβs so good looking Iβd give her todays date.
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︎ Nov 11 2021
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
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︎ Feb 06 2020
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
Iβll never forget my dadβs reaction when I told him Iβd made an exact genetic copy of him for his birthday
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︎ Jul 17 2021
6 strands of Kurt Cobainβs hair sold at auction in the last month for $14,000. Youβd think it would have a very musty odor.
But really, it just smells like teen spirit.
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︎ Jun 02 2021
I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 Dβs
It was a ridiculously long name
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Iβd tell you a Fibonacci joke, butβs itβs probably as bad as the last two youβve heard combined
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︎ Nov 23 2018
My friend told me, βYou have a B.A., Masterβs, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.β
It was a third degree burn.
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Whyβd the fish swim right into the bull sharkβs mouth?
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︎ Feb 22 2021
So thereβs this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that heβd vanish on the count of three. βUnoβ βDosβ
And then he vanished, without a tres.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Whatβs with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?
I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
A lad asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled L.S.D.?"
Granny replied, "Never mind the pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"
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︎ Dec 26 2020
I asked a tree if itβd tell me what itβs made of. It replied:
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︎ May 10 2020
The S/O let me know weβd made 4 cents in our mutual account...
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︎ May 03 2019
Son: Dad, whatβs your favorite rock group? Dad: If Iβm being subjective, Iβd say The Who.
But if Iβm being objective, Iβd say The Whom.
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︎ Jul 18 2018
Thereβs a new drug going around that is nicknamed βangleβ. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and donβt want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.
I guess Iβm just too square to try angle.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Iβd say itβs just over a foot
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︎ Apr 25 2019
Itβs only a dad joke if itβs from the DβAdjoque region of France. Otherwise itβs just a bad pun.
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︎ Jun 23 2019
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "Thatβs a nice ham youβve got there honey! Itβd really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an βsβ at the front and an βeβ at the end!"
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︎ Jul 07 2020
A student visits the principalβs office one day and the principal says to him, βWhatβs your name, son?β He replies, βD-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.β The principal looks up and asks him, βOh, do you have a stutter?β
The student replies, βNo sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.β
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︎ Jun 15 2019
Why are there two dβs in Reddit?
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︎ May 11 2019
h a n d s o a p
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︎ Apr 29 2019
Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before?
/r/ShouldIbuythisgame/comβ¦
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︎ Mar 27 2020
My wife told me if she ever had Alzheimerβs sheβd commit suicide to save me the burden.
I told her thatβs the sixth time sheβs said that today.
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︎ Sep 05 2018
You don't often see "turtles" spelled T-U-R-D-l-e-s
because they're an endangered feces
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︎ Jan 12 2020
Why does βRedditβ have 2 βdβs?
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︎ Nov 02 2018
A 3-D S
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︎ Aug 04 2018
HoW dOeS tHe MoOn CuT hIS hAiR??
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︎ Jan 30 2019
My friend 3D printed the letters S A T U R D A Y and S U N D A Y, and then threw those at me with maximum force.
I couldn't get up. I was completely weekend by it.
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︎ Jan 31 2019
Wifeβs grandma asks, βSo, howβd you sleep?β
Me, βWith my eyes closed!β
Grams, βItβs too early in the morning to do thisβ
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︎ Aug 11 2018
Welcome to D.A.D.D.D.S.
> Welcome to D.A.D.D.D.S. Dads Against Dads Doing Dumb Shit. Repeat after me.
[whole room] > "AFTER ME"
>Ok fellas, lets start here
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︎ Feb 20 2015
D: Son, wake up real early on your birthday. There's going to be a historic event. S. What kind of event?
D: The dawn of a new age.
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︎ Oct 27 2017
Before we were married, my wife said sheβd go out with me if I knew a six letter word thatβs a synonym for βcalmβ...
I said, βItβs sedate.β
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︎ Sep 20 2017
Whatever you do, don't take a, s, r, d and add them to i, r, s, t, and e, and then stir...
That's a recipe for disaster.
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︎ Aug 07 2016
So I went to the doctor the other day and told him, βLately Iβd been feeling like a tepee and a wigwam. Whatβs wrong with me?β
He replied, βYouβre two tents.β
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︎ May 04 2018
A teacherβs students all did below average on a test it was so D-grading
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︎ Jun 20 2018
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
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︎ Dec 11 2019
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