48 Hilarious D+ Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

D&D pun

👍︎ 28

💬︎

👤︎ u/20Thatwiteguy02

📅︎ Dec 04 2019

🚨︎ report

My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl

...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.

Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '

Thank you for the awards

👍︎ 10k

💬︎

👤︎ u/Tinnber

📅︎ Dec 17 2020

🚨︎ report

Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation...

👍︎ 10k

💬︎

👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod

📅︎ Dec 28 2020

🚨︎ report

My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

👍︎ 2k

💬︎

👤︎ u/DementedOak

📅︎ Jan 19 2021

🚨︎ report

I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

👍︎ 12k

💬︎

👤︎ u/klwill1192

📅︎ Nov 20 2020

🚨︎ report

When I was a kid I thought we’d all grow up to work with horses

All people ever talked about was getting a stable job...

👍︎ 347

💬︎

👤︎ u/the_bradley

📅︎ Jan 14 2021

🚨︎ report

My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”

It was a third degree burn.

👍︎ 49

💬︎

👤︎ u/Merlin-5

📅︎ Feb 12 2021

🚨︎ report

If I could be a superhero I'd be Aluminum man...

That way I could foil crime.

👍︎ 9

💬︎

👤︎ u/mickerallen100

📅︎ Feb 20 2021

🚨︎ report

What’d that cab driver say to the guy getting in his car with a cheap hooker?

Wear two

👍︎ 4

💬︎

👤︎ u/RobertforApples

📅︎ Feb 03 2021

🚨︎ report

Where’d the one-legged waitress work?

IHOP

👍︎ 4

💬︎

👤︎ u/jalfredproofrock

📅︎ Feb 19 2021

🚨︎ report

I'd like to personally thank the inventor of the mini skirt...

My balls have never felt so free.

👍︎ 17

💬︎

👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Feb 19 2021

🚨︎ report

I'd like to share a small victory with you all today

^(victory)

👍︎ 15

💬︎

👤︎ u/bobby_vance

📅︎ Feb 03 2021

🚨︎ report

Boss said he’d fire me if I made any more country puns

It was the end of my Korea

👍︎ 48

💬︎

👤︎ u/SuperNova7039

📅︎ Jan 13 2021

🚨︎ report

If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....

....and the second one Duplikate.

👍︎ 485

💬︎

👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Dec 01 2020

🚨︎ report

I always had low charisma when I chose elf in D&D.

Maybe that's why I have such low elf-esteem.

👍︎ 8

💬︎

👤︎ u/RPawesomeness

📅︎ Feb 19 2021

🚨︎ report

My wife showed me how she’d stab me if I ever cheated on her.

The knife didn’t go all the way in, but I got the point.

👍︎ 18

💬︎

👤︎ u/barrysmitherman

📅︎ Feb 10 2021

🚨︎ report

Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”

Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”

👍︎ 15

💬︎

👤︎ u/decentname99

📅︎ Feb 12 2021

🚨︎ report

My son asked me if I knew any good chemistry jokes as he'd just had his first chemistry class. I thought about telling him one about alkalinity...

But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'

👍︎ 39

💬︎

👤︎ u/Meta-Fox

📅︎ Jan 07 2021

🚨︎ report

My friend became monk recently. I asked him if he'd take a vow of silence, but he didn't answer

I guess it goes without saying

👍︎ 50

💬︎

👤︎ u/Mr_Westerfield

📅︎ Feb 04 2021

🚨︎ report

I was tasked to come up with a great pun for a new launch of Microsoft Office, I thought I’d come up with a great one.

But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.

👍︎ 19

💬︎

👤︎ u/T33NW01F

📅︎ Jan 14 2021

🚨︎ report

What’d the confused alligator say when acting like a rooster?

Croc-a-doodle-doo

👍︎ 17

💬︎

👤︎ u/Aschtopher

📅︎ Jan 31 2021

🚨︎ report

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

👍︎ 26

💬︎

👤︎ u/klwill1192

📅︎ Feb 02 2021

🚨︎ report

I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...

...talking to the wine."

👍︎ 5

💬︎

👤︎ u/Fukface_Von_Clwnstik

📅︎ Feb 11 2021

🚨︎ report

It’d be a shame

👍︎ 46

💬︎

👤︎ u/jdawgrockz

📅︎ Jan 04 2021

🚨︎ report

No one thought I'd ever be good at math proofs

I just proved them wrong

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/thumtac

📅︎ Feb 14 2021

🚨︎ report

Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.

My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”

👍︎ 40

💬︎

👤︎ u/bpcombs

📅︎ Jan 17 2021

🚨︎ report

I've decided to start storing everything in the Cloud, and it's a lot easier than you'd think

Although I'm still not sure how exactly I'm supposed to get anything back down... I guess I'll just have to wait until the balloons pop to use my TV again.

👍︎ 4

💬︎

👤︎ u/SpartansATTACK

📅︎ Feb 10 2021

🚨︎ report

I once debated a flat earthed. He got me so mad I stormed off, saying I'd come back around eventually.

You could say I went over the edge.

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/dendari

📅︎ Feb 12 2021

🚨︎ report

I gave some dude the money I'd saved to to buy bushes to line my property. I'd introduce you, but

my hedge fund manager hates reddit.

👍︎ 8

💬︎

👤︎ u/zensunni82

📅︎ Feb 03 2021

🚨︎ report

What’s with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?

I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.

👍︎ 6

💬︎

👤︎ u/Ukimeouch

📅︎ Jan 19 2021

🚨︎ report

D cells, D cells...

👍︎ 3

💬︎

👤︎ u/tomgreen99

📅︎ Jan 05 2021

🚨︎ report

Wow never thought I'd get this far

👍︎ 108

💬︎

👤︎ u/note_than62

📅︎ Nov 14 2020

🚨︎ report

**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**

Taken from fb

👍︎ 2

💬︎

👤︎ u/XDG-Diggz74

📅︎ Jan 03 2021

🚨︎ report

If i could, I’d make sure everyone had a dolphin.

Because everybody needs a porpoise to their life

👍︎ 12

💬︎

👤︎ u/Magik160

📅︎ Dec 19 2020

🚨︎ report

Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow

It was our last warming.

👍︎ 36

💬︎

👤︎ u/SpontaneouslyPickled

📅︎ Dec 03 2020

🚨︎ report

Not long until you get RAM’d

👍︎ 7

💬︎

👤︎ u/Shea7TDM

📅︎ Dec 21 2020

🚨︎ report

A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z

Happy No L!

👍︎ 11

💬︎

👤︎ u/big_macaroons

📅︎ Dec 25 2020

🚨︎ report

I went to a smoke shop only to discover it’d been replaced by an apparel store.

Clothes, but no cigar.

👍︎ 95

💬︎

👤︎ u/Rocknocker

📅︎ Nov 19 2020

🚨︎ report

2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf

I haven’t heard from him since.

👍︎ 99

💬︎

👤︎ u/the_houser

📅︎ Nov 15 2020

🚨︎ report

I posted 10 puns thinking they'd get into hot

No pun in ten did

👍︎ 17

💬︎

👤︎ u/batmans_apprentice

📅︎ Dec 22 2020

🚨︎ report

Who'd want to be Trump's security guard ?

you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh

👍︎ 6

💬︎

👤︎ u/fitblubber

📅︎ Jan 10 2021

🚨︎ report

I'd smoke a cigarette every time after sex...

Thanks to my wife I've stopped smoking.

👍︎ 19

💬︎

👤︎ u/iamNotFonseca

📅︎ Dec 12 2020

🚨︎ report

For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.

But it turns out, they're all below C level.

👍︎ 23

💬︎

👤︎ u/weirdgroovynerd

📅︎ Dec 14 2020

🚨︎ report

The wife asked me tonight if I’d seen the dog bowl.

I said ‘to be honest I didn’t even know he played cricket’.

👍︎ 57

💬︎

👤︎ u/rafello

📅︎ Feb 06 2021

🚨︎ report

My wife asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl..

I said “I didn’t know he could.”

👍︎ 21

💬︎

👤︎ u/FlintTheDad

📅︎ Jan 03 2021

🚨︎ report

Wife asked if I'd seen the dog bowl...

“Didn't even know he played cricket" I replied

👍︎ 23

💬︎

👤︎ u/trendfoll

📅︎ Dec 12 2020

🚨︎ report

2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf

I haven’t heard from him since.

👍︎ 145

💬︎

👤︎ u/natrickshwazey

📅︎ Nov 13 2020

🚨︎ report

If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....

........and the second one DupliKate.

👍︎ 81

💬︎

👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Nov 01 2020

🚨︎ report