Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
If you're born on Earth Day,
then it's your B-Earth-Day
(Note: Yes, I'm born on Earth Day and hence am posting this.)
On which side of the earth should you build a house?
My son asked me if gravity kept us on the earth
I'm up in the air on that one
Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
I was feeling depressed. So my wife put her hand on my shoulder and said "Earth."
That meant the world to me.
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I failed a recent test on the forces of the earth.
Apparently I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation I was in
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
If you place all currently living people on the equator around the Earth,
at equal distance from each other,
...
most of them would get wet and some will surely drown
What’s the Fastest Growing City on Earth?
The capital of Ireland.
It’s Dublin every day.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Fungi have thrived on Earth for more than 400 million years
You know what they say... history favors the mold.
There are very few left-handed people on Earth.
But I think that’s all right.
An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....
....he was an Austr-alien
What is the least spoken language on earth
What is the angriest place on Earth?
There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
What on earth is brown and sticky?
Which is the oldest animal on the earth ?
In Germany this weekend they have been preparing for the crisis by stocking up on sausages and cheese.
It's the Wurst Käse scenario.
The most remote place on earth
God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...
...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him “What’s wrong, Lord?” God replied “I think I’m gonna call it a day.”
What's the most sarcastic body of water on Earth ?
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
What is the tallest building on earth?
The library, it has the most stories
I stocked up on beef, pork and chicken for the Covid-19 crisis .
And for easy storage, they're all within the same hot dogs.
Here’s an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.
They’re just optical illusions.
A suspicious looking spacecraft landed on Earth to bring back to life ray-finned fish. But one spacecraft wasn't sufficient, so more arrived.
I think it was extra to restore eels
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
Which country on Earth has the worst internet service?
On Earth Day I was going to plant a tree
But I planted my butt on the couch.
The pennie joke
No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".
I hope you have a nice day!
P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
The main reason there are so many dormant volcanoes on Earth is
What's the safest room in the house during a zombie invasion?
After I dug into the details of a theoretical zombie crisis and the entrances and exits of our home, I settled on the master bedroom.
My son sighs and says, "the living room."
High five buddy, you got me.
How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?
Did you hear about the near-sighted aliens who showed up on Earth?
They were looking for first contacts.
On Earth Hour, we'd like to shed some light...
on the importance of saving energy.
Why is life on Earth so unpredictable?
Because Earth is bipolar.
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it
What is the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk! It’s pasteurized before you even see it!
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your
B-Earth-Day
yes, i'm born on earth day...
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your B-Earth-Day.
Ba-dum-tss
- Yes, I'm born on Earth Day
What's the fastest liquid on earth?
Milk.
It's pasteurised before you see it.
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
What’s the fastest growing city on Earth?
The capital of Ireland – it’s Dublin every day.
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