Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilustradongindio
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
If you're born on Earth Day,

then it's your B-Earth-Day

(Note: Yes, I'm born on Earth Day and hence am posting this.)

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilPotato1216
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
On which side of the earth should you build a house?

On the outside

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if gravity kept us on the earth

I'm up in the air on that one

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I was feeling depressed. So my wife put her hand on my shoulder and said "Earth."

That meant the world to me.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bombsaway1083
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...

"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I failed a recent test on the forces of the earth.

Apparently I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation I was in

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CH4RL130H
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What does Earth get on Earth day ?

A birthday quake !

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshawshank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If you place all currently living people on the equator around the Earth,

at equal distance from each other,

...

most of them would get wet and some will surely drown

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/username_matches
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the Fastest Growing City on Earth?

The capital of Ireland.

It’s Dublin every day.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of elements know everybody on earth?

Met-all

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/severelampwatcher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Fungi have thrived on Earth for more than 400 million years

You know what they say... history favors the mold.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamboo-harvester
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
There are very few left-handed people on Earth.

But I think that’s all right.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sudoku12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....

....he was an Austr-alien

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the least spoken language on earth

Sign language

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystic_Frost69
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the angriest place on Earth?

Ire-land

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.

Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-Seabear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.

That's my pint of view, anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScurvyDog509
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What on earth is brown and sticky?

A stick.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P00PB0YY
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Which is the oldest animal on the earth ?

Zebra

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhruwatkadam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
In Germany this weekend they have been preparing for the crisis by stocking up on sausages and cheese.

It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_made_of_jam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The most remote place on earth
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MONKEY_COCK_EATER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...

...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him β€œWhat’s wrong, Lord?” God replied β€œI think I’m gonna call it a day.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beard_on
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the most sarcastic body of water on Earth ?

Crimea River

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."

"...not our Sun."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the tallest building on earth?

The library, it has the most stories

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I stocked up on beef, pork and chicken for the Covid-19 crisis .

And for easy storage, they're all within the same hot dogs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Here’s an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.

They’re just optical illusions.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabriel_Aurelius
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A suspicious looking spacecraft landed on Earth to bring back to life ray-finned fish. But one spacecraft wasn't sufficient, so more arrived.

I think it was extra to restore eels

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."

Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arceist_Justin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Which country on Earth has the worst internet service?

Lagistan.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrStringyBark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
On Earth Day I was going to plant a tree

But I planted my butt on the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lexmaster02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The pennie joke

No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".

I hope you have a nice day!

P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy2004194II
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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The main reason there are so many dormant volcanoes on Earth is

Eruptile Dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the safest room in the house during a zombie invasion?

After I dug into the details of a theoretical zombie crisis and the entrances and exits of our home, I settled on the master bedroom.

My son sighs and says, "the living room."

High five buddy, you got me.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ex_oh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?

>!Elvish Parsley.!<

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bomsusik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the near-sighted aliens who showed up on Earth?

They were looking for first contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
On Earth Hour, we'd like to shed some light...

on the importance of saving energy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is life on Earth so unpredictable?

Because Earth is bipolar.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flameboy42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk! It’s pasteurized before you even see it!

πŸ‘︎ 994
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your

B-Earth-Day

yes, i'm born on earth day...

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilPotato1216
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your B-Earth-Day.

Ba-dum-tss

  • Yes, I'm born on Earth Day
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilPotato1216
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk.

It's pasteurised before you see it.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?

It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepattato
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the fastest growing city on Earth?

The capital of Ireland – it’s Dublin every day.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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