Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is corrupted.

AND?

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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The president of the National Referees Association has been arrested for corruption.

Investigators haven't released the name of the whistle-blower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Did you hear about the corruption scandal in the milk company?

Turns out they were skimming a bit off the top.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrF3lix
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Whats the most important thing to be when living in Asgard with a corrupt police force?

Gotta be Low key

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πŸ‘€︎ u/llMezzll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Hairdressers are the most corrupt breed...

They're always making shortcuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Persons1001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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My local paper has done amazing work in exposing corruption in our local chicken farms.

They deserve a pullet-zer prize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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what do you call a group of corrupt headmasters?

a lack of principles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdogski
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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What is a corrupt detective called?

A defective!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blind-folded
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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What would a chemist say to a corrupted hero?

You argon far from serving a noble cause

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1aim1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Why do corrupt politicians learn to play the harp so easily?

They're good at pulling strings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus, or earth dweller.

In other words, it's a misgnomer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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What did the police say when they finally caught up to the corrupt medical examiner?

Stop! We have you coroner’ed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nodzest
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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Someone tried to expose corruption in my elevator company.

I told them "You're going down."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonLordMammon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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I overheard my USB drive plotting to do evil things to me ever since I unplugged it improperly from a computer.

It has become very corrupt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Politics are so corrupt these days...

that you cant even shoot a congressman without hitting a lobbyist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimike
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
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If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bam94-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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What do you call a rich detective?

A metal detector!

^Sorry ^if ^someone's ^made ^this ^before, ^I ^haven't ^seen ^it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Annabeth666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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A man wanted to sabotage his college’s data, so he paid his thumbdrive

It got corrupted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darklorel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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So my brother got a ping pong robot in the mail...

...and my 13 year old sister has a couple friends over, one of them asks him "so, did your thingy come yet?"

Cue Dad - "Yeah! He's been playing with it all afternoon, too!"

Instant eruption of 13 year old laughter.

Dads, corrupting young minds since 2013.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DerpyDash13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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About the newest Microsoft patch

Microsoft confirms that there's an issue with their most recent patch: it can corrupt Windows installations. A Microsoft developer by the name of Benedict [Last name withheld due to reddit rules] admitted that the code he wrote was faulty and could lead to corruption of some system files. However, Microsoft still recommends downloading the patch, since these cases are rare, and a tool that repairs affected installations will be available by tomorrow, and can easily be downloaded, since the faulty patch doesn't break any Internet features. Microsoft estimates that only 0.002% of Windows installations will be affected, and that on all other PCs, the patch does fix the bug it addresses. Although some sources on the net claim otherwise, Microsoft states that...

Benedict's Blunder Patch is low-key.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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My brother foolishly challenged me to a pun battle.

The theme was fish/ocean related things. We passed around the usual "reel-y" and "shore you will" jokes until, in his words, I dropped the A-bomb of fish jokes.

Me: Do you know why fish swim in schools instead of churches?

Brother: Why?

Me: Because fish are like, "Ick- theology."

My brother then stood up and left the room for five minutes. When he came back...

Brother: You're a monster.

Me: Nah, I'm just moray eel-y corrupt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Codoro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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