My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Morning, Mr. B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.
[Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries]
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): I’m glad to say you won’t be needing that pill, Mr. B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words “I have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): They certainly are.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Well, forgive me if I don’t do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): We do nothing …
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Yup, it’s another world-beater.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): No, wait. We do nothing … until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): And then we … spring into action?
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): [to Baldrick] Unless I think of something, tomorrow we go to meet our Maker: in my case God, in your case God knows.
Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Sounds like a bag of grapefruits to me, Mr B.
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): The phrase, Baldrick, is “a case of sour grapes” – and yes it bloody well is.
Mrs. Miggins: The Scarlet Pimpernel, Mr. Blackadder! He’s so exciting, don’t you think?
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Actually, I think he’s the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition.
http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/funny-quotes-from-blackadder-the-third/
Us having a pure hear-say conversation until this point:
Him: "Yeah, no, suicide rates are definitely going up in celebrities. They were awhile before Robins died actually."
Me: "Oh?"
Him: "Yeah. Just recently, some girl stabbed herself in her trailer's kitchenette. She was in Walk the Line, blonde blue eyes an-"
Me: "Reese Witherspoon?"
Him: "No, with a knife."
Me: "..."
You win this time.
Dad was telling me about all of his research he's doing before they make their purchase. He reads reviews and watches videos and asks friends, the whole nine yards. He said that some of the highest rated cars he's seen, such as from Consumer Report, are just really ugly to him. The following conversation ensued:
Me: What's so ugly about them? Can you put your finger on it?
Dad: Well, your mom and I are going to visit a dealership next week, so then I'll be able to put my finger on it. Get it? Because I'll be able to touch-
Me: Yeah, I get it.
My SO was telling me about this tree in her neighbor's yard that has little birds fall out of it every year and that they're not able to fend for their selves. The conversation then follows
Me: Must be hard for the birds being in a bad school district.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: The neighborhood has a terrible dropout rate.
She: rolls eyes
