I never understood this conservative government.

It’s just not Truss worthy.

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masselein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2022
🚨︎ report
Why are conservatives against the metric system?

To own the lbs

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holiday-Pay193
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2022
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Why do conservatives never go to the eye doctor?

They're afraid they'll have to use progressive lenses

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameSpaghette
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2022
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If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocky970
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2022
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I converted my conservative father into believing social democracy.

He Left now.

Haven't seen him since.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheseOats
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2022
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A conservative white supremacist had a stroke last week, his left side is paralyzed

He’ll still be alt-right tho.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaelp667
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2022
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My friend invented a term for a UK Conservative that has fallen victim to Rohypnol.

I thought it was a bit drug a tory.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2022
🚨︎ report
Why can't a right triangle get a date?

It wasn't acute enough.

πŸ‘︎ 693
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Momex17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do conservatives disagree with liberals?

Because they aren't right

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keegan1948
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2022
🚨︎ report
an unexpected emotional journey

My cousin (MtF) has just come out to the family- she told some of us "younger" ones but she was afraid especially of what her dad's reaction would be. He's a man of few words and was never outgoing or very affectionate to his kids, his side of the family is pretty conservative as well. A very as-seen-on-TV-in-the-90s dad with a handlebar moustache and multiple different-but-same polo t-shirts. Her mum passed a few years ago and they are even more distant than ever. It was finally the big day and she told him in front of a couple of us. The silence seemed to stretch on into the infinite. After some time, he got up, and without even a slight change in expression he said- "so I guess you can't see me now".

...

More silence

...

"Because I'm a transparent geddit?" With the most gigantic smile I've EVER seen him crack.

It's been 5 days and he's been cracking the same joke on every opportunity he can, ever since.

Edit- I forgot my favorite part- he asked her if she would like to add her mum's name in her new one because he missed saying it. I BAWLED my eyes out.

Edit2: obligatory I can't believe how much this blew up! We met at a family gathering yesterday and he was still chuckling so i decided to post this. I sent my cousin this post and she says he's very proud of himself. Thanks for all the awards! This is crazy!

I see that there was some confusion about the moustache description - we're a first generation Indian - Hindu family, and it's traditional especially for the older generation I think.

It's a cute moment, but not everyone is as positive. Some neighbors, people at school, a teacher or so (it's just a phase! you'll ruin your life!), and she's been handling calls all day from AH family members who only call for gossip.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dopeaminenotanime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2022
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What do you call a new born sheep?

A baahby

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theGunner76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2022
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Its important that Liberals and Conservatives come together…

and stand behind Alec Baldwin.

Because standing in front of him is fucking dangerous.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malodourous
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2021
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I used to just believe whatever conservatives told me to think.

It seemed like the right idea at the time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wazowskiwithonei
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call a human struggling with infertility issues?

A rare breed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnowledgeAndFaith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
🚨︎ report
I'm going to start a whale conservation area

Well call it, habitat, for huge manatees

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2021
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A family sat down to dinner...

They had prepared quite the spread with steak, corn, salad, and everyone had their own favorite side. The father had prepared his own signature spice blend and was encouraging everyone to try it. The son tried a little bit on his mac and cheese. Unfortunately he began coughing as it was too spicy, but was able to rinse it down with a bit of water and was fine.

The daughter didn't believe it could be as spicy as her brother claimed, so she put some of the spice blend on her mashed potatoes. She took a big bite and after a bit her face turned red and she began coughing and spluttering and went and got herself a glass of milk in order to help with the spiciness.

The mother laughed, knowing that the blend was spicy, but decided to try some anyway on her fries. She was conservative with her application, and could handle her spice better than her children so she thought she would be fine. And, if it weren't for a small bit of fry trying to go down the wrong pipe, causing her to cough, splutter and wheeze, she would have made it out unscathed.

Finally the father, after having witnessed that none of his family were able to master his own homemade spice blend, added it to every bit of his meal. The steak, the corn, his green beans and even his salad. He the requested some of each of the others' sides, and added the spices to some mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and fries as well. Then, to show he was not joking around, he added some hot sauce to top it all off. He began happily chowing down on every bit of it, completely unconcerned with the level of spice. He did not turn red, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze.

However, in his gusto to complete the meal, he was eating faster than he normal would and a half-chewed piece of steak unfortunately made it down the wrong pipe. His eyes went wide. Still, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze. But, he did begin to turn red. And then, he began to turn blue. Seeing that her husband was choking, the mother got up from the table and started trying to give the heimlich to the father. It didn't seem to be working until suddenly -- p-tooo, out came the piece of steak. Then the father coughed, spluttered and wheezed.

As he tried to regain his breath, his family heard that he was trying to say something between coughing fits. A 'thank you' to his wife, most likely. Or perhaps he was trying to say he should have slowed down and not eaten so fast to show them up. When he finally got

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooGuavas3403
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
🚨︎ report
To conserve energy, I tried to start a Minimal Movement movement

but it never got anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shoemilk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Matthew McConaughey recently came out as super conservative.

Alt right alt right alllt riiight

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?

It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caddiss_jc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared β€œStop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...

β€œTrump’s Not Down For the Count”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call conservative moss?

A repub-lichen! It doesn't work as well written down, sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/happyballplayer78
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the physicist from Boston such a big advocate for his home state?

Because he believed, to his core, in the Conservation of Mass.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nopols
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2022
🚨︎ report
Why did The conservative get rid of his alarm clock?

Because every morning it wanted him to get woke

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piccolorick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
As a conservative, I could never date an extrovert

Their socialism is just too much

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quisenburg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?

He was a bison.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wildeyewilly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have discovered that bees are learning to conserve energy by gliding on the air...

They think they're evolving into frisbees.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A conservative injured their leg

Now they're left leaning

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Average-Buggo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a benefit concert for dolphin conservation at the camping grounds

It's for all in tents and porpoises

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/s7evenofspades
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I am looking for cow species which are vulnerable but not endangered yet on conservation hierarchy.

I like them medium rare.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loopystring
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently made with conservative poultry.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyrulfyre
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new conservative Christian rock band?

Guns and Moses.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I always mixed up conserving and conversing,

But nowadays, my words are saved!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N_Komaeda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do conservatives say to calm each other down?

"Don't worry, man. Everything will be all-right"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McKeonSharp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do ultra conservative Muslims go to buy trinkets, crafts, and home goods?

Wahhabi Lobby

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeorgieWashington
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2017
🚨︎ report
What’s the most conservative herb?

Oreagano.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Youseeks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Got dirty dadjoked by my ultra conservative father.

My wife and I were visiting my parents yesterday and we were discussing their neighbor that is pregnant.

My mother: "They got engaged before she got pregnant" My father: "Sometimes they get REALLY engaged"

I groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buffalo-jones
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
🚨︎ report
There is a reason why conservatives mistrust statistics.

It’s all because of the left-wing liberal median.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
🚨︎ report
If a PRO is the opposite of a CON...

What is the opposite of Progress?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LOTRouter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2022
🚨︎ report

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