Civil Inattention Puns

DISCLAIMER- I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub, OP is u/hell_hath_no_fury__

This is so long that I will divide the post on r/BestofRedditorUpdates into 4 parts. The post was written 1year ago and it's subsequent updates were given over the months.

Settle in, get some popcorn, and read how the story unfolds: https://www.reddit.com/r/cheating_stories/comments/kg886u/my_husband_is_currently_on_a_vacation_with_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Hello Reddit! Forgive me as I am new to the online community. Just wanted to tell my story and maybe get some input. I [37F] accidentally found out last month my husband [38M] was using 'work trips' as an excuse to sleep with his also married coworker who lives across the country. When I say accidentally; he sent me a screen shot of Amazon purchases for our children and included at the bottom of the photo was a delivery to this woman. So yes, the worried wife in me checked his search history and email. It was all right there! I learned his November trip was a romantic getaway but this current one is luxurious! A spa resort complete with couples massages, couples cooking classes and monogramed bathrobes from etsy. He mailed her a box of gifts a few days ago for Christmas (how sweet), he purchases sexy lingerie, sent her money on venmo and even started planning a January trip to Las Vegas. I was furious when I learn all this but I kept my composure.

My plan: He left this morning for his 'work trip' but before he left I gathered all evidence of his affair. I spent 4 weeks collecting emails, credit card statements, reservations and confirmations. I wrote him a 10 page letter, put it in an envelope and taped it inside the lining of his suitcase. I plan on sending a group text to him and his mistress right after check in telling them to enjoy their trip. I will also inform them that a letter is in his suitcase and that I want a divorce. I wrote a special section just for her and I want to make sure she sees it so I will be emailing her the letter as well.

He is currently in the air. My group text goes out this evening. Stay tuned...

UPDATE!

His flight landed 1 1/2 hours ago. He told me he would text me when he landed and he has yet to do so. I have text him twice, they were delivered but not read. I

Do your worst!

It really does, I swear!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

Hi All! It's my first time posting here. I just found out that I have ADHD this month, and so much makes sense. I've been wallowing at work for the past decade due to my inattention to detail, poor task prioritization, and general disorganization. I'm a civil engineer, and proficiency in these traits is pretty essential to being successful at work. While I recognize that my skills are lacking, employers do love to have me because I tend to make up for these skills with good problem solving skills, work ethic and good hearted demeanor.

Now that I know I have ADHD tendencies, I realize that rather than me being a lazy person, my brain is not designed for detail oriented desk work. I could try to remedy the problem with meds and modifications, but I'd rather explore new career options that may celebrate, or lend themselves nicely to traits in people with moderate ADHD, particularly high energy, the need to be moving, and hyper-focus. I could make the current situation work, but it is incredibly hard to utilize the strategies and modifications.

I'm excited about the idea of becoming a certified personal trainer, and have thought about it for a long time. I love the idea of being up and about with clients, setting my own part time schedule, and sharing knowledge about an area of expertise that I am passionate about.

I'd love to hear if anybody on this sub has found themselves in a similar situation, and made a career change that positively affected their lives.

They’re on standbi

Buenosdillas

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself. I am nonbinary, and generally a cheerful person. I am inconsistent and have many hobbies, three of which are pedantry.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow? I have autism and suspected ADHD, as well as anxiety.

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it? Atheist parents, good education so far, school encouraged critical thinking. I've never liked religion.

• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not? No career, but I plan to work in psychology. I do art commissions occasionally.

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed? By myself? Probably bored. I enjoy talking to people online, and I do like having company, but being by myself isn't really a big deal. I would either be restless and want to talk to people, or perfectly fine, depending on how the week has gone. I wouldn't describe myself as extroverted or introverted in particular.

• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities? I like art, writing, and linguistics. I do not like, nor do I enjoy, team sports - but archery, fencing, and skiing have all been somewhat enjoyable thus far.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate? I am curious about many things, and spend a lot of time researching them. In particular, things that don't seem to be easily quantified - things like mental disorders, neurodivergencies, unusual languages, unusual animals, discrimination and civil rights movements for some reason, and how other people experience the world.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be? I would not willingly do it, but I'm very curious as to how I'd handle it. I think I'd be overly formal or overly casual, try to be easily approachable and nonthreatening (not hard, I'm 1.5m tall), and arrange the importance of problems by the number of people who want it solved.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in so

You take away their little brooms

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

[Removed]

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

When I got home, they were still there.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

After all his first name is No-vac