Bus puns?

Friend of mine is going to be driving a bus around Australia, decked out motor home style. What are your best bus puns for a name?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/newybrewy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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What happens when you drive a Subaru in reverse?

Ur a bus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What’s the difference between a dirty bus depot and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

I’ll see myself out...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gsned70
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...

How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I have just released my own fragrance.

The people sitting near me on the bus don’t look like they appreciate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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What’s yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?

A school bus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HollacaustFiesta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Egyptian Council Leader: the public transport in Cairo is terrible.

Egyptian Transport Secretary: We need a new bus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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A shocking story

My freshman year in high school (96-97), I was in choir, and we drove up in a big coach bus to Magic Mountain for a choir competition.

Approaching San Onofre, the driver told us a "little known fact" that if you put your hand on the window while passing under those jumbo power lines coming from the plant, you can feel a moderately painful shock. Being gullible teenagers, a lot of us tried it.

We passed under, and the driver asked if we felt any pain. There were scattered replies in the negative. The diver said, "You didn't feel the window pane?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wasntmyproudest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them

Then one spine turns and says to the other β€œwe missed the bus!!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikoklis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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I have a pun!

I am bad at being a bus driver, guess I should reTIRE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berat0-0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.

The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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I asked the driver if this ride would take me to 4th Street in St.Louis, Missouri.

Ooops, wrong bus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Day Job

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to hand him the money.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,

"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much,to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.

Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Ambulance driver goes to a Bar to drown his sorrows.

Barman says β€˜why you crying?’ He says β€˜a bus containing 30 Karens went over a cliff’ Barman says β€˜so why you crying?’ He says; β€˜there was 5 empty seats!’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Today at work, I took a dish collector tub into the walk-in with me. I realized, most restaurants fridges can't even fit a car.

Yet, I just fit a bus in here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Bus Driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, β€œUgh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman storms off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, β€œThe driver just insulted me!” The man says, β€œYou go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Detroiter_1017
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Time flies when you're having fun.

When you're not having fun it usually takes the bus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasonwhite1976
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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What is long and bring kids?

a school bus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dolevzavi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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My son said "daddy ,when I die I hope I die like uncle Ricky ,sleeping"

"and not like the passengers on the bus he was driving"

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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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When I die, I hope to go quietly in my sleep. Like my grandfather. ...

... Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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Last St. Patrick's Day I went out drinking, had a bit too much so I took a bus home.

That may be no big deal to you, but I'd never driven a bus before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shantron5000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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You hear about the pig farmer that tried to make it big in Hollywood?

Had to move back home because he had too many poor scenes

**thought of it on the bus ride home, be gentle haha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirTurkTurkelton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Hate when my bus breaks down

A woman named Tiana was taking the bus from D.C NY. Somewhere in NJ, the bus began to rock back and forth, sputtered for a few moments, and then stopped.

β€œBus down,” thought Tiana.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirfartsalot10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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A skeleton gets on the bus

Bus driver: "Β£2.40 please"

Skeleton: "Sorry, I'm skint"

(I think this one only works with Scottish dads)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmac6691
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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What's yellow and something you definitely shouldn't drink?

A school bus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kjutkuhl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Walking to work one day, a woman asked me what was the quickest way to the hospital

So I pushed her under a bus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daveorruk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.

That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DylanTheDonut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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Did you hear about the bus everyone ate breakfast on?

It was a universal cereal bus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmac6691
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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What is the difference between an old bus station and a crab with a boob job?

Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VoltrenXytech
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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What is the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatypusPajamas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What's The Difference Between A Dirty Bus Stop And A Lobster With Breast Implants?

One is a crusty bus station while the other is a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nazykitten
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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What's The Difference Between A Dirty Bus Stop And A Lobster With Breast Implants?

One is a crusty bus station while the other is a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nazykitten
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Whats the difference between an old bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus-station, the other is a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What's the difference between a Dirty Bus Stop and a Lobster with breast implants?

One is a busty crustacean, the other is a crusty bus station

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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What’s the difference between a nasty bus stop and a lobster with breasts?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boob implants?

One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with massive boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PringyUK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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What's the difference between a filthy Greyhound terminal and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and one is a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfdyl12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?

One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bathroomword
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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What the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station and one is a busty crustacean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BornChris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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My son said he'd call me back once he got on the bus

So I told him it would be a lot safer if he got IN the bus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yohan_Turnipz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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