A list of puns related to "C Block"
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
People are lining up for blocks!
Use the block to play your guitar really hard...
Shred it......
Cheesy I know, but I think it's gouda
People were lined up for blocks.
People will be lined up for blocks.
Because there's a Delhi on every block.
Customers are lined up for blocks.
They put him in the writers block. Couldn’t get past his first sentence.
They are lined up for blocks.
and people are lined up for blocks.
Then I got tired so I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box!
They're lining up for blocks.
Because the streets are blocked off.
People were lined up for blocks
She did a great job, because just like the real Wrigley these days, the only seats I could afford had blocked views.
People will be lined up for blocks
“Excuse me, could you help me?” I asked.
He grunted in response, barely looking at me.
“Um, I’m looking for a way to keep my dogs in my backyard. Do you know where those electric leashes are? I’m trying to decide if I should try that or just block it off with a fence or something.”
He turned to face me and looked me up and down with disdain, “Do we look like a pet store?” And he turned around and walked away.
I took a fence.
...kids are lining up for blocks.
However, I recommend avoiding it, people will be lined up for blocks.
But he blocked my punch line
It's being marketed as Son-block.
People were lined up around the block.
There’s always a block in the way
People were outside lined up for blocks.
People will be lined up for blocks.
Hey! We live on the same block.
But then I got writer's block.
He runs around the block
It wasn't blocking the harmful rays.
my grandfather started to say. You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a block of butter as well. But today... he continued. Wherever you go, there are security cameras everywhere
Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...
Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?
Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.
The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...
Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?
Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head
This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...
Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH
Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block
"How are you going to fight🤺 me with a block of cheese?!!"
"It's Extra Sharp🧀!!"
Dad: (Moving to block the thermostat) a what now?
People were lined up for blocks
“That’s what you call a look-out block, you turn around and say LOOK OUT”
Walking down the road and out of nowhere a random guy threw a block of cheese at me! I said to him now that wasn’t very mature was it!
My morning walk with the dog was cut short today. There's a park we usually wander through so she can sniff and explore, but today we couldn't get in because the path was blocked by an army of angry geese.
I was telling my mom about this and she mentioned there are geese at the river where she and a friend take their dogs, too. She said they must all be in town for some kind of conference. Then she paused for half a second and continued:
I bet it's a religious thing. They're here to preach the goosepel.
(To satisfy the rule: that's a play on gospel.)
could I call it a Moscow Mitch?
Explanation: A cocktail called a Moscow Mule is served in copper mugs. The mint julep is Kentucky Derby's official drink, and Mitch McConnell is the senator from Kentucky who has blocked legislation to stop Russian interference in US elections, earning him the nickname "Moscow Mitch" among his critics.
Him: dad why?
Me: I'm an eclipse
Him: not this again
Me: I block the light of the son
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home.
When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
But was captured two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. All he could say for himself was “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. But I tried anyway because I had nothing Toulouse!”
he's left it blocking our driveway
while holding a block of cheddar like a camera
Hey mom! Say cheese!
She then flashed her silly grin
for blocks.
A pancake and a waffle walk into a bar. The pancake starts robbing the bar tender while the waffle watches outside. When the waffle hears the cops only a block away, he turns to the pancake and says:
"Get the money quick! We gotta break, fast!"
Thinking Outside the Blocks...
Walking with my wife and 2 year old last night when my wife mentioned there was an open house a few blocks away. She asked if "you want to go and be snoopy." I responded "what do you want me to do, dance on a piano?" that's when she hit me.
update: 1583 upvotes? Holy crap... never thought my idiocy would pay off! (in fake points)
Update #2: Holy crap... thank you whoever got me the gold!
I tried searching for that once. Unfortunately, it was blocked.
I recently tore all the ligaments in my ankle and I’m still in rehab. I was on the sidewalk concentrating on my crutches when a construction worker popped up in front of me. Initially I thought he was going to tell me I was walking under something dangerous; halfway through I thought he was going to ask me out; then Jesus happened:
“Hey, that looks like it hurts!”
“Naw, it’s not bad, it’s much better now.”
“Running? Skiing? How’d you do it?”
“Rock climbing.”
“Rock climbing! Wow, so you must be strong, eh?”
“Yeah, I’m ripped.”
“ … ripped? Really?”
“Yeah, I’m super ripped.”
“ … oh. Wow. Not joking.”
“Yeah, I’m joking. I’m not actually ripped.”
“ … ahaha … hah. That was good.”
“Yep.”
“So, I’m Christian.”
“Hi, Christian.”
“... and I don’t know if you’ve read the Bible, but the Bible says that laying on of hands, especially for our fellow Christians, will heal. And I’ve …” etc.
It took me a block to realize that I’d accidentally made a Dad joke.
My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.
He's doing a mission (I'm barley paying attention). I glance up and there's 2 cop cars trying to stop him. They get on either side of him and pinch him to a stop.
Son: Dang. The cops got me.
Me: What happened? Did they cop block you? (still chuckling to myself)
BTW, He's only 7 years old. He has no idea why I thought it was funny. My wife gave me the look of disapproval, so success was had.
Edit: I just want to let everyone know that I didn't notice my barely/barley mistake until after the hop joke below. Thanks.
It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.
It was bananas.
The sun was especially hot and they became thirsty. The first string said to his friends, "I know of a good bar down the street. Let's go get a drink." The three agreed and walked together to the bar.
The bar was dark and empty, with classic country playing over a scratchy AM radio. The bartender was a worn old man with a salt and pepper hair and a bushy moustache. They sat down at the bar together, relieved to be inside from the heat.
The bartender looked up with a sullen frown, as the first string ordered three beers. He stared at them for a long second and said, "We don't serve yer kind 'ere."
The strings sat for a moment, surprised at the bartender's prejudice, but stood up and left without a word. As they walked out into the desert heat again, the second string spoke up. "Man, I'm dying out here. We gotta get a drink somewhere."
"I know of another place," the first string said, and led them to a pub down the block. The three strings were badly dehydrated and getting tired, but soon enough they made it to the pub.
Inside there were a few bikers at a table, who turned in their chairs to stare at the strings shuffling by. The bartender cast a wary glance at them as they approached and took their seats at the bar.
Before the strings could a word, the pub owner walked out from a room in the back and yelled, "We don't serve strings in this establishment!" The third string stood up, infuriated, but the second string held him back and they walked out again without a word.
Back on the dusty street outside, the three strings were growing faint. The stores were closed, and they were getting desperate. "C'mon, there's gotta be some place to get a drink!" the third string moaned.
"I know one more place," the first string said. So they walked a good mile down the road to a dive bar on the edge of town. Instead of walking in, the first string stopped his pals.
"Wait a minute, guys," the first string said. He bent over and tied himself, then tousled his hair and straightened up. The other two thought he'd lost his mind in the heat, but walked in behind him.
As the door swung shut behind them, they looked around. The only waitress was serving a couple of rednecks at a corner booth, and all three turned to stare at the strings.
"Say," the scrawny redneck started, "Ain't y'all some of them strings?"
"Naw," the first one said, "I'm a frayed knot."
Classic case of raita's block.
He really wants to impress her, so he decides to rent a tux. However, when he gets to the rental place, people are queued up out the door. He doesn't let this stop him, though. He takes his place in line and gets to waiting.
Finally, after waiting for over an hour, he gets fitted and pays for the rental. Relieved, he heads to the florist for a corsage, only to discover that the line there is also out the door, and halfway around the block, to boot!
Miffed, he mutters some mild obscenities, but he is determined to see this through, so he waits for almost 2 hours before finally being able to buy the flowers he picked out.
It's now the night of the dance, and he's ready to go. He picks her up, and they head to the event. When they arrive, his date immediately asks him if he can grab her a drink - she's absolutely parched! Still determined to make this the best night of her life, he dutifully makes his way to the other side of the venue, where he discovers, much to his surprise...
There's no punch line.
020 8125 7830: Hello, I’m calling about the accident you had in the last two years. Me: Gosh how did you know I trapped my cock in the hotel drawer? 020 8125 7830: (hesitation) So you’ve had an accident within the last two years? Me: Yes I trapped my penis in the drawer at a Holiday Inn. Now it’s gone a funny colour, and hurts all the time. 020 8125 7830: (hesitation.....) Click.
BLOCKED.
Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.
Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.
What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.
Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.
The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p
... keep reading on reddit ➡While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.
Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!
In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
~
~
[edited for spelling. sorry to offend.]
For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes
Minds gets to pondering next minute I say to her "the balloons seem to be wounded... should I helium?" I'm certain the groan could be heard from blocks away!
We were at the grocery store in the cheese section. I grabbed a block of cheddar and handed it to him and said "here hold this, but be careful, its sharp"! He put his head down and said "I'm done".
Don’t worry, I’ve been around the block a few times in my day.
OK so as a dad who enjoys challenging his kids I would like some help. Shoot me your best feasible hiding spot for the Golden Egg on Easter...I'm thinking submerged in a hollow block or randomly dug hole just to fuck with the kids and their parents!
Three college students (Jim, Tom, and Steve) decided to stay overnight in an abandoned house that was supposedly haunted, all to prove that there was nothing supernatural there. They decided to sleep in separate rooms to increase chances of scary things happening. Each room was connected to one long hallway which lead to some stairs. After a while, the three called it a night and went to their separate rooms.
At midnight, Jim woke up to the sound of a scream coming from one of the rooms. He ran out into the hall where he met Steve, who also had just woken up. They walked into Tom’s room, and he was nowhere to be found. “Surely this must be a prank” thought Jim, and he and Steve decided to go back to bed. He slept for almost an hour when Jim woke up to another scream coming from a different room. He ran into the hall, and this time Steve did not join him. He walked into Steve’s room, and noticed that Steve had completely vanished. Still in the mindset that this was a prank by his two friends two, Jim went back to bed.
An hour later, Jim woke up to the sound of thumping in the hallway. He went out of his room and saw a giant coffin with chainsaws attached to where arms would be. The coffin was also blocking the exit, meaning that the only way to go was the stairs! Jim immediately ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, then heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started running again! He ran into another set of stairs going up, so he ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, when once again, he heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started to run. Eventually, he reached a dead end in a bathroom. He turned around to see the coffin at the doorway. Frantically, Jim scavenged the cabinets for anything he could use to fight it. All he could find was some cough drops. Using all the strength he had, he threw the cough drops at the coffin. Upon impact, the coffin suddenly started to dissolve! Before long nothing remained of it. Jim was astonished! The cough drops had stopped his coffin.
King Broderick was in trouble. He wasn't a very good king, and his brother Argyle was gathering forces to depose him and take the crown. In desperation, he captured Count Petrie, a very popular man who was one of his brother's cronies, and tortured him to learn his brother's location.
But the count wouldn't divulge the information, so the King scheduled a public execution. The crowds gathered, including the King's brother, who was there in disguise. The Count was forced to kneel, with his head on the chopping block. The headsman stood nearby, holding his axe at the ready. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, you are here before me because you have aligned yourself with my brother. If you tell me where he is, I will allow you to live out your days in my dungeon. Remain silent, and you will die." The Count remained silent. King Broderick motioned to the headsman, who slowly raised his axe and swung it down...THUNK...into the wood next to the Count's head. The Count stared at the axe, visibly shaking. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, that was a warning, and there will not be another. Tell me where my brother is and you will live. Remain silent, and you will die!" The Count stayed silent. King Broderick again motioned to the headsman, who raised the axe. As the headsman began the downswing, the Count cried out "Wait!!" but...THUNK...it was too late, and the Count's head fell to the ground.
At the Count's death, the King's brother leapt up and revealed himself to the crowd. Cheering Argyle, they crowded forward and overran the King's guards. Soon, it was Broderick's head on the chopping block. Argyle, the new King, waved back the headsman, knelt beside his brother and whispered into his ear "Silly brother, don't hatchet your Counts before they've chickened."
All four walls of the room are made of hollow cinder block, but three of the four walls are reinforced with rebar and cement filling rendering them unbreakable.
Utterly confused, the rhinoceros studies the room for a moment and then tries ramming into the first wall to get itself free, but is stunned to find that it won't budge because it is reinforced and completely solid.
The rhinoceros shakes it off and tries ramming the second wall to knock it down, but only managed to break off a few small crumbs because it, too, is reinforced.
In a total daze, the rhinoceros tries ramming the third wall, but then falls over unconscious from trying to ram yet another reinforced wall.
After a few minutes, the rhinoceros regains consciousness and slowly pulls to its feet. Both exhausted and completely unable to withstand ramming another reinforced wall, the poor rhinoceros sinks its head in failure and has all but given up hope.
...but then, with a sudden stroke of genius, the rhinoceros stands on it's hind legs, clears its throat, and asks you, the reader,
"Should I try breaking the fourth wall?"
My mom and I were in our living room watching TV. My dad was in the kitchen by himself. Suddenly we hear a yell from the kitchen and go running in to see my dad with a bloody paper towel around his finger...
Me: What happened!?
Dad: I cut my finger!
Mom: How!?
Dad: I wanted some cheese and crackers so I reached into the cheese drawer and I cut my hand.
Me: How did the cheese drawer cut your hand?
Dad: It didn't. I sliced it on the block of extra sharp cheddar!
Dad bursts out laughing
He then removed the paper towel to reveal his unharmed finger. He had dyed the paper towel with food coloring.
We started block scheduling today at school, and my friend has a teacher named Song. She said to me, "Ugh, I have two hours of Song."
I thought to myself, damn that's a long song.
I honestly just had a dream that belongs here. At the start of the dream, I meticulously engraved the word "Over" into a knife when I started getting all these friends and old contacts telling me to leave them alone and blocking me... when I didn't say shit. I finally notice somebody is going through my contacts on all social media one at a time and just ruining friendships sending lewd photos of their junk.
I realize it's coming from my computer at home and I can't get remoted into it so I start driving home... only to get caught in a bunch of tornados. One smaller one picks me up and throws my car about 20ft knocking my wheel loose.
I limp my car away from that tornado only to find another doing like a Mexican standoff with me on the highway. I turned to the random person in my passenger seat holding up the knife and said "Wind or Loose, it'll be Over in a Flash" and I woke up. Now I feel the need to change all my passwords...
My XL-wearing half-black friend and I were in Trader Joe's when I started being excited about this huge pound block of chocolate.
When I asked him why he wasn't excited, he replied, "I guess I'm just not a big chocolate guy."
I laughed for about an hour at his complete genius.
Why aren't the residents of that block of flats allowed to be buried in that cemetery?
Because they're not dead
A man walks out of his work building and hails a taxi. He gets into the taxi and says, "Take me to the sandwich shop up on 45^th street." Ten minutes later they arrive, and the cab driver checks the console. "That'll be $12.00." The man is shocked. "This route used to be only $6.00! What happened?" The taxi driver explains. "Well, construction was blocking the usual route, so I had to double back and take a longer route." The man considers this, then shrugs.
"I guess that's fare."
There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He
... keep reading on reddit ➡People are lined up for blocks.
Really
Oh yeah, people were lined up for blocks
People were lined up for blocks
People were lined up for blocks.
People are lined up for blocks
People were lined up for blocks!
People were lined up for blocks
Because he had a BLOCKED nose!
while holding a block of cheddar like a camera
Hey mom! Say cheese!
She then flashed her silly grin
^^^^This ^^^^is ^^^^a ^^^^bot ^^^^that ^^^^automatically ^^^^reposts ^^^^old ^^^^content. ^^^^If ^^^^you ^^^^are ^^^^the ^^^^op ^^^^and ^^^^want ^^^^this ^^^^removed ^^^^comment ^^^^"remove ^^^^this"
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