I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.

After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.

He'd been despatched.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmoBM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Business partner 1:Hey have you signed yet?

Business partner 2: Yes in deed

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do people in the restaurant business make the best shopping partners?

Cause most of them are pretty good waiters

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DocKiffe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my business partner good with this one.

We were getting some ice cream when he said: "Whoa! That's a huge sundae. "

I said "It's more like a whole weekend."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynewromantica
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
🚨︎ report
You know why you should be my partner in the marijuana businesses?

Because you know I won’t smoke up all the profits.

Recreational marijuana was just legalized here in the state of Michigan, so my dad just had to make a joke. πŸ™„

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchyRs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Today is Neil Young's 70th birthday

This literally just happened.

Context: I'm 30yrs old. Got my own place. My dad and his business partner are staying with me for a meeting they have in the morning. Dad's friend is browsing the news on his laptop. He casually says Neil Young's birthday is today. He's 70 years old.

My dad goes "I guess he's Neil Old now"

Is it a sign of getting old when I find his dad jokes hilarious?

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TonzB
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.