Hey Dad, if a plant’s not a herb, bush, vine, or grass, what is it?

It’s tree son, then

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πŸ‘€︎ u/straym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Why is the thorn bush the rastafarian's favorite plant

Because it pokey mon'

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...

It’s my retirement hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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Blueberry bushes are one of the least productive plants.

All their effort bears little fruit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celbruk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.


... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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My husband made me groan.

We were planting some new shrubs. I was digging the holes and he was planting the bushes. I finished digging and called over to him and said "the hole is dug"... he called back "how do you know its name?" He was so proud, 3 daughters and his first real dad joke!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mokatter
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
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Dad joked dad

So I was walking along a bush path with my dad and brother and I was smashing them one after the other

"dad I keep feeling these plants, they probably want me to leaf it alone hahaha. How fern-y am I haha. If you guys don't like these jokes, I have found the root of the problem. I should probably branch out on my type of jokes, but I'm totally rockin it. I am having the moss-t amount of fun right now hahaha".

I thought it was hilarious but they just looked at me haha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silly-bowser
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
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