Boozy Book Puns

I'm guessing I'm not the only CA who likes to read stuff by/about other drunks. Started with the obvious stuff in my teens/early twenties (Bukowski, Thompson, Hemingway) dug a little deeper after that (guys like Jim Harrison and Raymond Carver, who's probably the best of the bunch). These days I'm onto more obscure stuff, but some of it is really great (Modern Drunkard magazine, Doug Stanhope's memoir). Just started Sirens by Joshua Mohr. Great so far, but kinda falls under the heading of "drunk cautionary tale that's supposed to make you fear for your liver," a la The Lost Weekend. So it could get old fast. Anyway, TL;DR (already half in the bag at 7:30) just wondered if anyone had any recommendations/favorite booze books.

Sooo I'm looking to book out a room for my birthday which is coming up. I've already looked into the Diamond's back room but the minimum spent is $3000 and the maximum capacity is 26 ppl, which is fewer people and more money than I'd want to force my guests to spend. I'd prefer somewhere in the Gastown area as a majority of the attendees will be coming from the north shore. I know about Shebeen at the Irish Heather but wanted something with a little nicer ambience than that. If any of you can think of something that would be much appreciated!

I bought a trade paperback at the Strand in NYC about 10-15 years ago (I know, not much help) and it was about the precocious daughter of a soap star, who liked to drink and party. Took place in NYC and daughter was basically raised by the housekeeper. Comedy. For some reason has stayed with me, as would like to know if author has written other books. I think the author was female and the daughter's name may have been Lily. Does it ring a bell for anyone? Thanks!

...sorry if this is the wrong place for this.

Book 1: It's a deep space novel, set upon a single ship populated by young people on a mission of apparent vengeance against the race that destroyed the earth. The plot twist is that the main character's mind is constantly 'wiped' so as to provide some social dynamism amongst the crew... 'who will he sleep with next!?' or somesuch. The crew use 'momermath' and at some point team up with another species which, as I recall, was some sort of rope-like creatures that could bond together in small groups to form sentient beings...

Second book was about a crew of mercenaries hired by an attractive female to hunt down some lost artifacts which are guarded by two hover-tanks. All I remember was that one of the crew was non-human, ate only for texture and not for taste, and that there is a part wherein the protagonists must fight a violent and primal species and they end up realizing that the only way to stop said species is to castrate them...

Yes, I know these are terrible-sounding plots with even more horrifying summaries, but that's all I got. Bleed me, Reddit.

Recently, I was given the opportunity to take an extended absence from work, several months, without financial penalty. My wife and I decided it would make sense for me to take advantage of the time and be a SAHP to take care of our child, saving us money on daycare. I was a bit worried because I had heard so many horror stories about how difficult it was to be a SAHP. Every SAHP in our age range (late 20s & 30s) we knew complained constantly about how they never had time to do anything, were unable to keep up with basic chores, were burnt out and exhausted, etc. but I agreed anyway because I was looking forward to spending so much time with my child.

Well after actually doing the job I can now say I firmly believe many of those people complaining are just lazy. I grew up with a SAHP and saw how seriously she took it, so I went into it ready for difficult job. I worked hard at being a SAHP, had plans and goals for every day, kept my kid on a schedule. Guess what? I never had problems keeping up with our household duties or my parent duties. I did 90% of the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, errands, scheduling, etc. for me, my wife and our kid and rarely found it hard to keep up with everything. I had plenty of time every day to play with our child, do developmental learning work, and take her on walks or to the park. Some days were tough, but never more so than a hard day at any other job. On top of all that, I never stopped exercising, doing my hobbies or having a social life. If anything, my time for those activities went up.

After thinking about it, I realized the difference between myself and other SAHP was I actually considered it a job, prioritized and held myself accountable, while they just made excuses. I would listen to them complain about having no time to do basic household chores and being “so busy” while they’re sleeping in and wasting half the day on Netflix or shopping. They say they don’t have time to do educational things with their kids or cook for their spouse but they binge reality tv and spend hours having boozy brunches every other day. Really what these people want is to be trophy husbands/wives, not equal partners with their working spouse.

Unfortunately, our society has this idea that SAHP are all martyrs and are above criticism. I’ve seen so many articles about how being a SAHP is equivalent to two or more jobs, how they’re so unappreciated and how you should never criticize a SAHP. Because of this, so m

Hi All,

As it's show and tell weekend, I thought I'd post my perfume 'collection' on here. As some of you may know I review perfumes on here when I get chance, and have a particular fondness for Penhaligon's. Because of that, I've picked up a ton of their bottles. Whilst they have cost me a fair old penny, I've actually paid for the majority of them through clever ebaying, so this is a sideline hobby, as opposed to something that's cost me a fortune.

Anyway, let's run through them.

https://ibb.co/VVmCf75

Starting on the top row and working from backwards to front, and then left to right...

1. The Uncompromising Sohan - A rose/oud with a distinctive cumin note. Possibly the most in your face perfume I own - one for when you want to make an impression. Makes me feel 10ft tall...!

2. The Tragedy of Lord George - A neo-fougere based around a lavender shaving cream accord/tonka with a boozy top. Classy, modern and refined. Amazing bottle cap. Sometimes difficult to find the correct place to wear it (it feels too formal for a t-shirt, but perhaps too informal for a suit!).

3. The Impudent Cousin Matthew - A petitgrain based summer perfume. Smells incredible (and you could actually pick this up free on the Penhaligon's website when you spent over £75 recently). Longevity is the only issue I have with this one. It's superb.

4. Much Ado About The Duke - A slightly unusual gin/black pepper accord sitting alongside rose and cumin. Perhaps the most experimental of the Penhaligon's portraits. And another favourite of mine.

5. The Inimitable William Penhaligon - Definitely not experimental! Vetiver, ambroxan, jasmine. What it lacks in uniqueness it makes up for by just smelling so sodding good. Actually my most complimented perfume to the extent my boss once stopped a Skype meeting she was in to comment on it. Ha.

6. The Revenge of Lady Blanche. A green floral that I actually really enjoy wearing, despite the fact that Penhaligon's market this one as feminine. Clean, deep, somewhat shampoo-y in the base. Excellent.

7. Heartless Helen - A tuberose and ambroxan dominant perfume. Not necessarily original, and not the best in the Portraits range but still exceptionally wearable. There's also a slight tropical accord in there which I enjoy.

8. Terrible Teddy - Leather/Incense/Ambroxan. Loud and potent. Indeed, sometimes a little too loud and potent! I enjoy this one, but only when the occasion suits. A bit like wearing a leather jacket. Quite challenging as the

Hello people! I’ve recently gotten back into to indies have been enjoying the many helpful and colorful reviews from this community and figured I should give reviewing a shot. I am still very much a newbie so apologies if the descriptions are not the most nuanced. Overall I’m extremely impressed with this house and had a really high hit rate. Below I’ll go through my ordering experience and thoughts on each fragrance.

Ordering experience: I ordered from the Winter Bake Sale on November 19th, though I had previously placed a smaller order. I requested to have them combined in the comment on the bake sale order. Meaghan did so and my shipping on the for order was promptly refunded. The order was shipped on December 10th and delivered on December 18th. Not the shortest TAT I’ve experienced but the brand was transparent and honest and for a major event from an indie brand I think it was really impressive!

The order was packed securely and was very cute with bakery and winter holiday theming. The package came with a couple delicious maple candies, a mini candy cane, and a packet of tea.

A little about my taste: I tend to like “heavier scents” with incense and resin notes, patchouli, dry herbs, and overall earthy and dark tones. On the other hand, I thoroughly enjoy white floral like jasmine, gardenia, and honeysuckle and fresh herbal garden-y scents. I’m not big on traditional gourmands but I’ve developed a real affinity for coffee and tea scents, especially black tea and boozy coffee.

I dislike traditional clean “blue” scents and most tropical scents. I’ve never had much luck with fruity scents and I think my skin amps citrus in way that makes it come off like strong orange candy. I also don’t care for most berry scents.

Review process:

I let all the scents rest for about a week (I don’t really remember the exact amount of days). I wore all of them by themselves either on separate days or after I’d washed off or couldn’t smell the previous scent at all. I’ll try to rate scents on scale from 1 to 5, though I did them in some half point for scents I’m on the fence about. * indicate freebies

1 = hate it, get it off me now, 2 = I don’t like it but it’s not offensive and I see why someone would like it, 3 = I like it but am not sure I’d reach for it, nothing special to me, 4= I really like it but I’m not head over heels, 5 = instant love, it haunts me, keeps me up at night and I think about when I’m with other perfumes

*The Autumn People

Five months. I have worked at this property for five months. And in those five months, I'd say 9/10 guests have been overly pleasant. Every now and then, someone will complain. Someone will be really weird. Someone will have horns blown on their behalf and a red carpet thrown across the floor as to not soil their pristine Super Shiny Status shoes.

But for the most part, the guests here haven't been so bad.

And then this past week, the sun fell behind the darkest of clouds, the temperature dropped below freezing, an eerie silence befell the rolling hills and frigid mountains, and the leaves eagerly fled from the trees to burrow deep in the ground, hiding among the company of bugs and other critters terrified of what they sensed was coming: Dawn of the Karens.

"We want a quiet room, no road noise," a big bag-toting, dyed blonde hair creature bellowed at me and my co-worker upon entering the lobby.

Our hotel is nowhere near a major road. But okay, maybe you don't know that.

Not even ten minutes passes, and the situation repeats with what was undoubtedly a clone:

"We want a quiet room, no road noise," a big bag-toting, dyed blonde hair creature bellowed at me and my co-worker upon entering the lobby.

Later, the lobby doors open once more.

"Do you have to work Thanksgiving?" a lady asked me on check-in, one day before the holiday.

"I do. I'll be here."

She puckers her lips and feigns sorrow.

"Awww," she coos. "I hate making my employees work on the holidays."

I bet you feel reeeeeeal bad about it as you drop $200 staying with us tonight, ma'am.

Another lady walks in.

"I'd like to check in."

Me: "Okay, what's the name?"

"It's under my husband's name."

Me: "Is he here with you?"

"Um, excuse me sweaty but no. He's not."

Me: "He'll need to be here with you to check in. I don't have your name on the reservation."

"Um, excuse me sweaty but no. Other properties have let me do this before."

Me: "We can get in touch with him to verify you're allowed to check in under his stay."

"Um, excuse me sweaty but this is ridiculous. Fine, call him."

And I call him. And he's okay with it. But that's not the point.

The situation repeats, albeit a little differently, some time later:

"I'd like to check in."

I find her reservation and proceed to start the check-in process.

"This is my husband's credit card."

I stop and look at her.

"Is he here with you tonight?"

She looks offended.

"Excuse me sweaty, he's in another state but said I

https://imgur.com/a/hqQhF3B

Sorry, not the nicest photo layout. My perfumes of choice are radically sweet gourmands, and often spicy scents (that is all you need to know, since my taste in fragrance is unbelievably predictable and one dimensional). I have recently been collecting fragrances and own three (full size) perfumes:

-Cloud by Ariana Grande: my favorite. Appropriate for all seasons. People have mentioned coconut, but I detect absolutely zero coconut. Opens with bright pears, quickly dries down to a sweet, caramel cotton candy.

-Floriental Marshmallow by Dossier (dupe for Love, Dont Be Shy by Kilian): amazing perfume. I have only sampled LDBS once, but the Dossier version is just like I remembered and much cheaper. Powdery marshmallows and vanilla. Someone described a grape soda note, and I agree.

-Dune by Christian Dior: I only own this because it belonged to my mom and she quit wearing perfume years ago. Suited to its name, it reminds me of a hot, dry desert. Definitely not age appropriate for me, as I personally don’t see Dune on anyone younger than 45.

RANKING PERFUMES IVE SAMPLED:

-La Belle by Jean Paul Gaultier: Absolutely a favorite. This is everything I like in a perfume: vanilla, candy sweet, gourmand, spice. Extremely feminine. Will buy the full size one day.

-Princess by Kilian: I only sampled this once, in Saks Fifth. Considering how enamored I was by it, it’s surprising how little about the scent I can remember. I can only describe it as sweet, gourmand, and amazing.

-Baccarat Rouge 540 by MFK: Don’t think I even need to go over this one, but it is popularly similar to Cloud except more sophisticated and less sweet and less gourmand. I would love this fragrance for days when I want to dress elegant but the price tag can burn in hell.

-La Vie Est Belle by Lancôme: I did not want to like this because it’s so representative of the generically ubiquitous mall fragrance, but it is an elevated version of Flowerbomb. Similar, but sweeter, spicier, and lacking the subtle sour aspect of Flowerbomb that I dislike.

-Babylon by Penhaligon: This is like hot and spicy vanilla. Definitely unique, interesting, and elegant.

-Lost Cherry by Tom Ford: Imo not worth the price tag, but I love the boozy maraschino cherry scent and would totally wear this. The addition of spices to the fruity base makes it mature and grown up. It is fruity in a spicy warm way, not a light fresh way. Not very seasonally versatile, though. And horrific longevity.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

This is concerning a "company trip" to Mexico. Its one of those boozy, all expense paid trips with lots of corporate activities, meant as a sort of bonus/reward for being with the company. Apparently they do this every year, though I think they canceled it last year. The trip is planned for about 2 weeks from now. My wife only recently joined and does not qualify to go on the trip (fine by her), so I only have 2nd hand details. Here's what I know.

When the details were finalized months ago on who would attend, no one signed any contracts saying they would pay if they didn't want to go later. They just provided their identification documents for the company to book hotels/flights.

Obviously the world is going through a new wave of COVID and has a lot of people fearful of flying/traveling. While Mexico does not require a negative COVID test to enter (from the USA anyway), the company is requiring a negative test from employees within 48 hours before the trip.

That at all makes sense to me, however, if an employee tests positive for COVID before the trip, they will not be allowed to go AND will have the cost of the trip/cancellation fee of ~$3,000 deducted from their pay. Also, if an employee decides today they just don't want to go/risk it, they are still required to have the $3,000 deducted from their pay because "it is too late to cancel without incurring penalties".

Here's our question. Is this legal? To threaten this, or to actually go through with this? I know there are fairly strict laws about what a company can or cannot deduct from a paycheck. Do employees have any legal recourse if they don't want to go on the trip/pay? Can the company force employees to pay for this (even if they quit)? Her coworkers are naturally pretty mad, and we'd like to help.

EDIT: Not sure if it was clear, but if employees DO go on the trip, they will NOT be required to pay $3,000. It would be company-paid.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

Mathematical puns makes me number

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

This is a repost*, I'm* not the original poster.

 

[TW:(alcohol abuse, very detailed longing for alcohol consumption)]

Mood spoiler

 

Original posted 5 years ago by u/notsomatchofeline:

 

My wife and I have been together for about a decade and we've been married for three years. I'd say we're very happy, enjoy spending time with each other and have a similar view on the world. No kids for now, just pets. Things have been pretty great, on the whole.

Over the last few years, my wife has been working in a hard but very rewarding job and during that time, her alcohol consumption increased quite a bit. She'd usually have a couple of glasses of wine in the evenings at home to wind down. Every once in a while, she'd be involved in work events in the evenings which could get quite boozy too - her field can be quite boozy in general; they usually have drinks in the office on a Friday afternoon (a glass or two).

She never got drunk, but clearly she had become quite dependent on alcohol as a way to let off steam from her career. It wasn't unusual for her to have half a bottle of wine a night although she'd rarely have more than that. She's quite petite though so I guess that isn't an insignificant amount. Just to be clear, I never, in a million years would have classified her as even remotely an alcoholic.

Just before Christmas, she told me that she was going to be cutting down her drinking and was reading some kind of self help book about doing so. I'm not quite sure what triggered her desire for this but I suspect it has something to do with this particular co-worker of hers that is about twenty years older and, to put it simply, is a bitch and is also almost certainly a high functioning alcoholic herself. I reckon my wife didn't want to end up like her.

When she started following this book, I didn't think that much of it. She's cut down her drinking before for a while and the new year is always a good time to start things like this. However, a couple of days ago, she told me that she was actually quitting alcohol entirely and wasn't going to drink ever again.

I feel awful for saying this, but this really hit me quite hard. I know that it shouldn't - people go through much worse with serious alcoholics and all - but I've found mysel

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

He lost May

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

Put it on my bill

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

All of his songs had some depressing af undertones. Here's what I mean.

Fuck A - nothing super depressing but the jumbled lyrics are a bit concerning within itself.

Say Amen - Been traveling in packs that I can't carry anymore Been waiting for somebody else to carry me There's nothing else there for me at my door All the people I know aren't who they used to be

A heavy theme in this verse is seemingly betrayal, which can do a lot to a person. I'm not going to name anyone, but some people do come to mind when I think of betrayal.

Hey Look Ma! - c'mon, this whole song is sad. It tells the brutal truth of working in the music industry. And the mv is worse. With scenes of drug addiction, violence, you feel for the puppet because he's so mistreated, just to be tossed away at the end. You can't help but wonder if this is based off true events

High Hopes - Honestly, this song is the one where I can't find anything sad. An outlier. If anyone can find anything let me know but for now this song is relatively upbeat.

Roaring 20s - The line I don't even know me and the constant mention of drugs.

Hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire If it's "Lord of the Flies" in my mind tonight Also, sort of strange with the hallucinations.

DNAC - The music video is a bit concerning, but it is in the view of Beebo, so....

How Brendon sings about how he is untamed and crazy, and the line I'm going insane and I don't care

Again, hard to find anything really sad about this, but the mv...

One Of The Drunks - ...for the sake of time I won't point out everything concerning about this song.

How Brendon talks about getting so drunk where you forget everything, drinking just to feel something, becoming a "drunk".

And how sad he sounds saying, damn it's all good, I guess

The Overpass - It's just that everything reminds me of things I thought I shouldn't have to see again

How he keeps reminding someone that someone still loves them.

In a certain verse, he sounds so inebriated and again, is talking nonsense. You know which verse I'm talking about, and it comes out of nowhere.

King Of The Clouds - Okay, B was high af when this song was written.

But, that only makes him more vulnerable to writing lyrics more true to him than anything else.

This whole song is concerning with tones of dissociation in some sort of manner.

And when he states that he doesn't trust anything, or even feel anything.