Call all pun creators

My sister is in the emergency room with second degree burns on her foot from cooking oil, I need puns to make fun of her at thanksgiving.

Be merciless.

Edit: it was great, you're puns were big hits. After each pun I said your username without context, but at the end of dinner someone asked me if I was going insane and I said "no, those are the pun credits" so, in some of your cases it was pretty funny to say out of context.

Thank you all for your entries, they were great!

👍︎ 12
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📅︎ Nov 20 2016
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Had a great one at work that nobody will know about

Alright so quick synopsis of what I do for a living is treating industrial waste water for oil fields. Part of our process is removing solids from the water and using a hydraulic press to squeeze the water out of it and dispose of the dry cakes. Once a day, a waste company rolls in large trucks to remove the big bins where we store the cakes, and put in fresh ones.

Today I was talking with the driver of the truck as he replaced my last bin. I wished him well on the road since we live in California and lordy knows nobody understands how to drive in the rain. As I was turning away from him I said

"If you'll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to."

And immediately started up the steps to our press building, laughing the entire time.

👍︎ 17
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📅︎ Feb 21 2017
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Dad joked my girlfriend thanks to the EPA

So the EPA is camped out on my girlfriend's property trying to clean up a big oil spill, and they just started putting up orange stakes on her property.

Me: Do you like all of these orange stakes?

Girlfriend: I mean, they're alright I guess, why?

Me: Well that's disgusting. Orange stake can't be as good as medium-rare.

My arm is currently sore from the amount of times she hit me after I said it, but it was completely worth it.

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👤︎ u/sully3333
📅︎ Mar 23 2014
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