Did you hear about the time Mozart farted in bed? He ended up calling it....
My 4 year old was taking her sweet time getting ready for bed and I said to her "quit stallin!"
She said to me, "I'm not stallin"
And I replied, "well, you might be right about that because you're certainly not Russian.'
I got nothing... no laughs, even after I thoroughly explained it to her. My daughter has no sense of humor.
when it's time for bed does jeff bezos put his pajamazon?
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?
What time is it when an elephant sits on a bed?
Time to get a new bed.
(Same can be said for your mom)
It's that time of the year where I, as a father, get to rest in bed while my wife does everything around the house.
Or as she's calling it, Sunday.
My son throws his linen off his bed every time he has a nightmare.
My 3 year old son wouldn’t say if he needed to go potty before bed time.
I told him speak now or forever hold your pees.
What time does Roger Federer go to bed?
My husband just asked if I wanted more time in bed…
…after some confusion I admitted that, yes, I wanted to stay in bed. He handed me a small jar of thyme.
Told my kids it was time for bed because the cows are sleeping in the field…
They said what’s that got to do with anything? I told them it’s pasture bedtime.
what did the scared duck say to the father duck at bed time
Leave the door quacked open
My daughter refused to go to bed on time.
I told her she’d be booked for resisting a rest.
What time did Sean Connery go to bed when he visited Wimbledon?
I was tying my wife to the bed last night for sexy time. I was having trouble getting the rope tied so she started to tease me. I said "can you not!"
She responded: idk, can you knot?
I've never been more proud to be married to her.
We put our youngest daughter to bed early and gathered the books from the room. Placed them in our time out spot to read later.
Oldest daughter- Daddy, why are the books in time out?
Me- because they got red all over the place.
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
What bed time story is a favourite among all trees?
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
My 9yo daughter was lying on the couch cuddling with our new kitten. “It’s time for bed,” I said.
“I don’t want to get up,” she replied. “Will you carry me?
“No,” I replied. “Get up and go to bed.”
“But I’m too tired. Carry Me?”
“No! You’re like 90 pounds now. You’re too heavy.” I said.
“Well then, pretend I’m the kitten,” she said and grinned.
So I picked up the squirt bottle and sprayed her in the face.
What kind of bed time stories does the big bad wolf tell his kids?
As a parent, I don't think I'll be able to give my children the chore of making their beds. I never made my own bed, it was just too time consuming and frustrating.
I'll most likely just buy them a bed instead.
Me, said with satisfaction every time I'm making the bed:
"Ahhh, that's the sheet."
Lazing in bed and wife suddenly pushes on my chest like she's trying to resuscitate me while making a "hrrn" noise each time.
Me: Whoah, what gives?
Her: I have a pressing matter to discuss.
what's the time when an elephant sits on your bed?
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed ?
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?
I said “It’s pasture bedtime”.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
What does the cop do when it's bed time?
What time does Andy Murray go to bed?
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all my embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
What time does Roger Federer go to bed?
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