A hotel just offered me a job making beds...

I think I'll turn them down.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I just bought a bed that was advertised as making you fall asleep in under 5 minutes. It didn't work.

I guess it's a bunk bed.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When I have kids, I will punish them by making them mix melted butter and flour until I send them to bed.

They will roux the day that they anger me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quantum13_6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m really getting tired of making my bed every morning

I’m also running out of 2x4’s

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yerdnayerdna
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Making a water bed bouncy is easy. All you have to do is

Use spring water

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k_7a
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
As a parent, I don't think I'll be able to give my children the chore of making their beds. I never made my own bed, it was just too time consuming and frustrating.

I'll most likely just buy them a bed instead.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jdabby32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife thanked me for making the bed

I responded "I didn't make it, I just dressed it."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorModalus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Making the bed with my wife

Me: "Is this pillowcase inside out? What are these raised edges?"

Her: "No, those are decorative, not seams. Well, they're seams too. But they're not un-seam-ly."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemthenga
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Me, said with satisfaction every time I'm making the bed:

"Ahhh, that's the sheet."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessYukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Lazing in bed and wife suddenly pushes on my chest like she's trying to resuscitate me while making a "hrrn" noise each time.

Me: Whoah, what gives?

Her: I have a pressing matter to discuss.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.

That way I can be fast asleep.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshep1188
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed?

Cookie sheets

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My son tried to make me a rest bed with a built-in water station, but the water kept squirting out.

I smiled and told him, "Hey, it's the cot that founts!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I read it's romantic to scatter rose petals on your bed, but they were too expensive. Instead, my wife and I will just have to make love on..

No bed of roses

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A man makes fresh coffee and takes it to his wife in bed....

She drinks it and goes: β€œUgh, this tastes like dirt.”

He responds: β€œWell, honey, it was just ground.”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/errorFohOhFoh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife (we both live in the US): I have to make sure my work phone is on do not disturb mode before bed so I don’t get email notifications from co-workers in our office in Europe.

Me: Sure, because when they send email, they don’t care if you’re up.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
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πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
"Can you make me breakfast in bed?" asked the wife.

I said, "No, I'll have to go to the kitchen."

πŸ‘︎ 625
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I've decided that when I become a dad, I'm not going to be the type who forces my kids to make their beds

I'll probably just buy them one from the store

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jdabby32
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I can make a bed from both sides...

.... Because I am bed dextrous.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madlutian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?

He goes under cover

πŸ‘︎ 558
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notsonog23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
She's a bitch but she makes up for it by being an animal in bed

God I love my dog

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Tried to make a software that monitors how much one uses their bed...

Had so many bed bugs

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pirateking1000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
One of the joys of parenthood is to snuggle into your child’s bed during a thunderstorm to make sure they’re not scared.

But my daughter and her husband insist they can manage on their own.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Want to make your water bed bouncier.....

Use spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed bouncier?

You add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itz_timu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

By adding spring water!

πŸ‘︎ 613
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddudzi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add Spring Water.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiveNatty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make your water bed bouncy?

Add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 433
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make water bed more bouncy

By adding spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 279
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy

You add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riversbenjamin5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 427
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add Spring water

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mastr9ball
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hooligan_86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Want to make your water bed more bouncy?

Use, spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Fill it with spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 312
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MnkySpnk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I get up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
how do you make a water bed more bouncy?

add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sizzlingmaniac69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m taking this piece of junk back to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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