Be 4 Puns

A regular bard-ershop quartet.

It’s Three To One.

It needs more Campbell!!

My 4 year old: "Older!"

I held the elevator for an older lady at the clinic where my wife and I were going for a Doctor visit. She said thank you and I paused and asked her what floor. There’s was only two and we were on the first lol

(Is this a dad joke?)

Because they lost their Vision

Come on, I don't have 2020 vision.

I feel like there should be a pun for what the dog tooth fairy brings, but i'm at a loss. anyone have any good puns?

tl;dr explain every single pun you make or else it gets removed.

For the sake of cleaning up a lot of my mod queue, whenever you make a post, explain it. There's been more and more rule 6 reports as of late, so this should help clear up a lot of that. This rule change is to lessen confusion and simultaneously help us clear out the reposters who are too lazy to even read the sidebar before posting. formerly rule 6 was:

Post must be a pun and must be explained in the comments. If your post or image isn't self-explanatory, you must comment on it with enough information for readers to get the joke.

We are now changing it to:

Post must be a pun and must be explained. No exceptions! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section.

###IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR PUN, IT WILL BE REMOVED!

carry on

I'm performing a comedy and I have an improv bit where I call someone a goofy name. It needs to be a pun on something in Judeo-Christian cannon, bonus points if it's about the angel michael. I.e. Michael Sword-an or Joan of Snark... something like that. Yall got suggestions???

We had been cooking dinner, and my wife commented (after one too many comments about 'Gouda being gooda and Feta being Betta') that it seemed like most of my puns tend to be food puns.

So I drew her a diagram. I started with a huge circle to represent all of my puns. Inside that I drew a large circle filling about 90% of it.

"Those are my food puns."

I then drew another circle, this one about half the size of the food circle, with almost all of it inside the food circle.

"And these are my cheese puns."

My wife immediately called me out, pointing at the sliver that was outside of the food circle.

"Shouldn't this be fully inside the other circle?"

"No," I say, "Those puns are rare, but they tend to be cheesiest."

We are naming two fish we just bought. One is Gillary Finton. We need a pun for Donald Trump that works for fish. It doesn't have to be specific to any kind of fish just needs to be a pun off of the name Donald Trump.

My first born is due soon and so to prepare it for life with its father I wanted the first words it hears from me to be a pun. We don't know the sex yet so I need to have a back up plan.

Currently is if is male I am thinking of "It's aboy-t time you showed up". I am fairly happy with this but I am also open to suggestions. I still need either a genderless pun or girl based pun though.

Title, basically - I need a character name for dnd, dm has required all character names be a pun, and he misinterpreted my initial request to play as a lobster race as a request to stage some sort of actual lobster race.

I haven't thought of anything, and character building sesh is tn, help me out folks!

Make an entire comment chain of puns somehow relating to what's on your right. The person who replies automatically joins your game. They must reply with a pun that is related to the same thing. Whoever makes the most puns is the winner. They must be real puns, not just sentences that you say are puns. C'mon, reddit. You can do this. You're like, the website for puns. If I get enough puns, I will draw the pun of the first person to post a pun here (ex. if the first person says, "Well now I'm drawing a blanket," I would draw someone drawing a blanket.) Have fun brahs!

My mom told me this pointless story that I was sure was going to be a pun. What should this have been leading up to?

> I read about these two men who practiced log rolling tricks and traveled all over the country. One would jump right over the other one. They even had a dog trained to do tricks with them.

No points for "the aristocrats!"

Im doing science fair this year, and need a title. Which I would like to be a pun. Any ideas? its on sound, and sound absorption.

There is a poster due in my US history class about the Spanish American war. My group wants the title to be a pun, and preferably involves the USS Maine. Another group has the title "the Maine problem" so we can't use that. Please help and thanks.

Or Can I say I graduated my Bachelor's Degree?

My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"

I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"

He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"

You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"

They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.

Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.

...you might be dyslexic

There would be mass confusion

Cuz then it would be a foot

You will be mist.

..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '

Me: Hindsight

Professor X: Well that won't be much help to us...

Me: Yes I see that now.

In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?

PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.

Becuase then it will be a foot :)

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacremento"

When asked why they had such a long password, the employee rolled their eyes and said "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital!"

Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.

I don’t know, but it must be through the roof.

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.

It would be a dream job.

Host: What are you?

Me: I'm a harp.

Host: You're costume's a bit too small to be a harp.

Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?

Because that would be in cider trading

Would the guy who welcomes new members still be called an inductor?

I have a hunch it might be me.

Or does it have to be aloha?

It will...be my Civic duty.

Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be “Give me your ‘name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word “Zoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.

There would be mass confusion

If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan...