May the Fourth be with you! Today’s Argyle Sweater, 5/4/21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDorkKnight53
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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In our next Dnd campaign, the 4 heroes are all going to be singing wizards.

A regular bard-ershop quartet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeesmurf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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10...9...My Dad was counting down. I asked why. 7...6... β€œBecause it’ll be 12:57, he said.” 5...4... β€œWhat’s so special about 12:57?” I asked.

It’s Three To One.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Ash won’t be in EVIL dead 4! Know what I’m feeling?

It needs more Campbell!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Me to my 4 year old: "What are you going to be when you grow up?"

My 4 year old: "Older!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/texas1st
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. I proudly proclaimed β€˜Urine luck! There are plenty of places to go at this exit!’ Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beergelden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Soon to be dad in 4 months

I held the elevator for an older lady at the clinic where my wife and I were going for a Doctor visit. She said thank you and I paused and asked her what floor. There’s was only two and we were on the first lol

(Is this a dad joke?)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pendertuga55
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I believe the Avengers 4 title will be Avengers: Blindness

Because they lost their Vision

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorMurica
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 4 years

Come on, I don't have 2020 vision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsar73
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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dog tooth fairy pun

I feel like there should be a pun for what the dog tooth fairy brings, but i'm at a loss. anyone have any good puns?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leash15
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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[META] r/puns rule 6 changes

tl;dr explain every single pun you make or else it gets removed.


For the sake of cleaning up a lot of my mod queue, whenever you make a post, explain it. There's been more and more rule 6 reports as of late, so this should help clear up a lot of that. This rule change is to lessen confusion and simultaneously help us clear out the reposters who are too lazy to even read the sidebar before posting. formerly rule 6 was:

Post must be a pun and must be explained in the comments. If your post or image isn't self-explanatory, you must comment on it with enough information for readers to get the joke.

We are now changing it to:

Post must be a pun and must be explained. No exceptions! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section.

###IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR PUN, IT WILL BE REMOVED!

carry on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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Help with puns on biblical figures

I'm performing a comedy and I have an improv bit where I call someone a goofy name. It needs to be a pun on something in Judeo-Christian cannon, bonus points if it's about the angel michael. I.e. Michael Sword-an or Joan of Snark... something like that. Yall got suggestions???

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tesla_pasta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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[request] Need a pun for a fish name.

We are naming two fish we just bought. One is Gillary Finton. We need a pun for Donald Trump that works for fish. It doesn't have to be specific to any kind of fish just needs to be a pun off of the name Donald Trump.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudewithdrums
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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I once drew a Venn Diagram to explain my use of puns to my wife

We had been cooking dinner, and my wife commented (after one too many comments about 'Gouda being gooda and Feta being Betta') that it seemed like most of my puns tend to be food puns.

So I drew her a diagram. I started with a huge circle to represent all of my puns. Inside that I drew a large circle filling about 90% of it.

"Those are my food puns."

I then drew another circle, this one about half the size of the food circle, with almost all of it inside the food circle.

"And these are my cheese puns."

My wife immediately called me out, pointing at the sliver that was outside of the food circle.

"Shouldn't this be fully inside the other circle?"

"No," I say, "Those puns are rare, but they tend to be cheesiest."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xahhfink6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
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[Pun Request] Looking for a pun to combine lobster/crustacean with a race car driver/car/track/race.

Title, basically - I need a character name for dnd, dm has required all character names be a pun, and he misinterpreted my initial request to play as a lobster race as a request to stage some sort of actual lobster race.

I haven't thought of anything, and character building sesh is tn, help me out folks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xhephaestusx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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Baby's first pun

My first born is due soon and so to prepare it for life with its father I wanted the first words it hears from me to be a pun. We don't know the sex yet so I need to have a back up plan.

Currently is if is male I am thinking of "It's aboy-t time you showed up". I am fairly happy with this but I am also open to suggestions. I still need either a genderless pun or girl based pun though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quieo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
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Pun challenge

My mom told me this pointless story that I was sure was going to be a pun. What should this have been leading up to?

> I read about these two men who practiced log rolling tricks and traveled all over the country. One would jump right over the other one. They even had a dog trained to do tricks with them.

No points for "the aristocrats!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noumenon72
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2015
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Challenge: Sound absorption

Im doing science fair this year, and need a title. Which I would like to be a pun. Any ideas? its on sound, and sound absorption.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
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Need help with a project

There is a poster due in my US history class about the Spanish American war. My group wants the title to be a pun, and preferably involves the USS Maine. Another group has the title "the Maine problem" so we can't use that. Please help and thanks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shennenali
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
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I've completed 4 years of being single today.

Or Can I say I graduated my Bachelor's Degree?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sairohit21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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My clothes were having a competition to decide which one is the coolest

It ended up being a tie

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlarioKath
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'

The result was 'This page cannot be found.'

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth

Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.

First post in this sub, be gentle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamcalifornia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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I told my parents I was bisexual

My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"

I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"

He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.

You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"

They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.

Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCKANNON
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life

After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"

I asked him, "Are you a vet?"

He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moose_Winchester
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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If life gives you melons...

...you might be dyslexic

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myrdn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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What if Iron man and Silver surfer teamed up?

They would be alloys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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My 4 year old son’s first dad joke

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

I’m sure someone else invented it but I couldn’t be prouder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobbitpharmacist
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
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What do you call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph

Because he’s too short to be an Essay

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuruWitch
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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Archaeologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia

It's going to be quite the shindig

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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My father's favorite joke.

My dad passed away about 3 years ago. Now that I am a dad as well I thought I would pass on his favorite joke, bear with me cuz its long, but worth it...

A poor man who lives in a straw hut wants to to impress his neighbor. So he works for 3 months, enough to buy a fancy chair at the market. He calls his neighbor over for dinner one night and has him sit in the chair at dinner. He asks his neighbor, " isn't this a very nice chair? " To which the neighbor replies "it's okay i guess"...

Heartbroken, after the neighbor leaves, the man takes the chair upstairs and puts it in a closet and thinks.. maybe it was not a nice enough chair...

He then works 6 months, leaves his little straw hut and hitches a ride to the city and buys an extravagant chair with velvet padding. Once again he has his neighbor over for dinner, this time the neighbor says "it's nice, but I've seen better"

Sad, the man stores the chair in the upstairs closet. But the man could not be deterred.

He then worked for an entire year, left his little straw hut and went all the way to the capitol and bought a gaudy, gold painted chair with lion motifs and silk pillows.

The neighbor comes over to dinner and says. "Wow, what an ugly chair!"

Furious, the man grabs the chair, marches upstairs and throws it in the closet with such force that his entire straw hut collapses.

I guess people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graffd02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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Imagine Americans switched from Pound to Kilograms overnight

There would be mass confusion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anukrit_Subedi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I have to change my roof but don’t have any money

Thankfully, the contractor said it’ll be on the house

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrabApprehensive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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Because of quarantine

I'll only be telling inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baeguette69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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My daughter wants to do more things on her own, so I told her to put a picture of herself in a locket

Then she would be independent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crimsonangel68
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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My wife’s favorite class in High School was History

I should’ve known she’d be good at bringing up the past.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/o-Dez-o
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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RIP boiled water,

you'll be mist.

(I couldn't find this joke on here so here it is)

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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I need pun-related help, please

My girlfriend and I have a dog named Moose. My girlfriend’s father has been coming up with name-related puns recently and I’m being outdone. Reddit, please help. So far, he has come up with:

Moosical Moosident

All I have: Moosing persons

I must win this battle of puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/apocwt
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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I want to be a billionaire just like my uncle.

He’s not a billionaire. He wants to be one too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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I’ve decided to name my son Mark.

That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/legalize-crack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Your nose will never be 12 inches long

Because then it would be a foot.

πŸ‘︎ 652
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πŸ‘€︎ u/extremely_4getful
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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My recently passed dads favourite vegan joke.

If I ever became vegan it would be a huge missedsteak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reaper0207
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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My cousin is obsessed with Belle Delphine (long)

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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