No body laughed at that time, but eventually everyone got it.
What show is Dec allergic to?
Sesame Street!
“Hey can you hear my back crack”
I replied “yea can you hear my ass crack” then proceeded with the filthiest fart known to man
Absolute crack up. Hahahahahah even she laughed
A Grandpun.
I do seem to remover it went over people’s heads
What did Olivia Newton John say to Santa Claus when she visited the North Pole?
"Let's get physicold."
A boomer rang.
It's a Goudanuf pun I guess but I honestly Brieleive I can come up with something cheddar.
Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.
Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?
Co-teacher: He couldn't say.
Once a pun a time
https://twitter.com/ultimateshtpstr/status/1117149591273521152?s=21
My friend:i'm back
me:hi back i'm ribcage
Mango Lassie
NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa
I was combing my dad's hair when I realised they're too long for them to sit still on his head and he goes "don't worry, let them stand. they'll sit on their own when they're tired from all that standing". xD
I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.
DH: Oh man, they’re adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much they’d gopher....
My dad had a real goofy and dadly sense of humor. He past a way about 4 years ago but all the jokes here remind me of the ones he used to make. I'm smiling so hard as I go through these.
One of my favorites was the mole joke: One day a house near a molehill was making pancakes. Daddy mole comes up, sniffs, and says,"I smell pancakes." Mamma mole pops up next to him, sniffs, and says I smell pancakes too!" Baby mole hears his parents but can't get past their rear ends. So he says,"All I smell is molasses!"
7 year old me was in tears every time!
Okay well here's a Mom joke:
(Upon leaving the house)
Mom: Come on Tom, we're gonna be late!"
Me: Okay, hold on.
Mom: (physically grabbing something) I'm holding on!
Why was Leif Erikson not accredited with discovering the New World?
Because if he had put some roots down, he would have been Tree Erikson.
I'm home for a visit this weekend and in his usual fashion, my dad just randomly pipes up to make a joke. This time around it was a belated Halloween joke.
Dad: "Oh little Johnny, what a good pirate costume. where are your little buccaneers?" Dad, answering his own joke: "Under my buccin' hat."
I just dropped my head and groaned. His job done, the old man left the room with a chuckle.
I was looking at a Ford Ranger on Craig's List and showed her pictures that made the truck look like a good deal until the final picture suddenly showed half the backend was missing.
"Stop looking at trucks you can't afford!"
"But I CAN 'Ford!"
"No you can't, and you can't Chevy either."
Last time I went home, dad had a friend over who shared with us the struggles he now encountered with providing daily basic care for his own aging, terminally-ill father.
"You just can't imagine right now," he assured me, "what it's like to wipe your own father's ass after helping him off the toilet."
"Yeah, well I'm sure you're right," I responded, "but I certainly can imagine it's pretty awkward. He's all bent over. You're back there trying to clean him up and pretend everything's normal, of course he's gonna be fine, when suddenly your eyes meet. With his voice filled with pride, he says, "that's a real good wipe, son."
My dad and his friend laughed their asses off.
"What's it like Mark?" "Eye Opening" http://youtu.be/3BtKgD6CeA8?t=48s
I told my dad this joke which was just posted here: http://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/37gt2n/the_bank_must_really_like_me/
He said, "Just like that farmer... He was outstanding in his field!"
Me (while driving) Hey Heather, whats that sign say?
Heather: (sighing because she knows whats coming) It says Deaf Child Area.
Me: What???
So I've only known my biological father for a few years. We hardly see each other except on holidays because of his work schedule, my work and college schedule, and distance. So today, he decided to visit me all afternoon and take me out to dinner. Before we left, he sat in the living room and we chatted.
Dad: "Well, young'in, I think I'm ready to eat."
Me: "Yeah, me too, I've been hungry for a while."
Dad: "Oh, really? I hadn't realized you changed your name."
Groan
Dad grabbed some Nutter Butters and put them in his back pocket, then said, "I put the butt in Nutter Butter!" ...still not eating the cookie, dad
