A list of puns related to "B Film"
So I do a pub quiz every week with the team name 'Kevin Bacon Stars In...' followed by a pig related film pun such as Boarne Identity, Vanilla Sty, Ham of Steel etc.
It's been about a year and a half now and we're starting to run out so any ideas would be great!
Not sure this is the best place to ask for help but couldn't think where else would be better.
We're currently filming the pilot
I became a film editor
If a movie company was filming a sandwich but instead of using bread they used a tortilla. Would they call it a wrap and not get any filming done at all?
We're currently filming the Pilate.
Apparently it was due to start filming this year but writing the script was taking longer than expected as every time they finished a line it would disappear.
Itβs going to be a feeture film!
...so far they've only filmed the pilot.
I used to be a film photographer but learned it was a negative hobby.
One that lens itself to bad puns.
The kind that make you shutter.
I have proof.
The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
1 Β - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2Β Β - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3Β Β - Half the people you know are below average.
4Β Β - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6 Β - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7Β Β - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 Β - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
9 Β - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
...probably because it was the first Indie film.
Me and my dad: Watched a monkey documentary My Dad: Look they filmed you!
My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.
Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.
"Daddy, the film is frozen."
I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."
I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.
>!At the end of the film, Tony Says "I am Ironman"!<
>!The line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm Dad"!<
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
[the Three Stooges pick names out of a hat, to determine who gets to marry which girl]
Larry (Larry Fine): I got Florabell!
Florabelle: Darling!
Moe (Moe Howard): I got Corabell!
Corabelle: Oh, Darling!
Curly (Curly Howard): I got Stetson! What one is she?
(from the Three Stooges short film, The Sitter-Downers)
Apparently camera film is photosensitive
From comedian and film star Β Red Skelton:
βExercise? I get it on the golf course.
When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics. β
After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.
Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.
Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.
Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.
Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.
While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".
When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."
On our eighth date together myself and my wife went to see the new batman film. Previously all our other dates were meals out. So it went Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!
Person A: Have you watched the latest tomato films? Person B: No. I gotta ketchup.
My daughter comes running through to me after watching a film where a young girl dies at the start,
Daughter : What would you do if I was to drop down dead in front of you.
Me: Clean the knife.
I think it was filmed in the theatre though as I see a little silhouetto of a man...
"Twenty second film in the MCU" my ass.
Arrrrr rated films.
I told them it was an animated film by Pixar.
She looked at me confused and asked, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980's, but that's not important right now!"
It's a Psi Phi film.
So cling film will do
... is reliving the same day over and over in "Bourne Again"
... travels to the past to stop a terrorist attack in "Bourne yesterday"
... finally settles down and has a baby in "New Bourne"
... de-evolves into a feral beast who prowls the wilderness in "Bourne to be Wild"
Firstly, I think they really missed a trick naming these films.
Secondly... I know there are more of these...
In the spirit of the Star Wars film launching, lets share our best star wars puns. I'll start off:
If youβre dating someone who doesnβt love Star Wars, youβre looking for love in Alderaan places.
Iβve already filmed the pilot.
His films always sound great but he seems to be lacking vision.
Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.
A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.
A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.
Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.
Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...
What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)
People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.
His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.
Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!
Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)
There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)
Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.
When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.
Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)
If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.
There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.
Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.
There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.
Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)
Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.
It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.
In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.
In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.
Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?
Doc: There's something not q
... keep reading on reddit β‘Whatβs a penguins favourite film? Frozen.
What did the penguin say to the snowman who didnβt find the first joke funny? Oh laugh!
What did the snowman kick the penguin with in retaliation? Dis knee
Why did the snowman then watch Frozen with the penguin? Nothing Elsa on TV
Thereβs snow more now, ice said them all.
A director and a costume designer had a disagreement over a critical shot in the horror movie they were filming in their studio.
The director planned to use CGl for a brief but critical reveal-shot of the movie's monster. But the costume designer insisted they use an actual costume instead of CGl.
"CGl makes a movie look cheap these days," she proclaimed.
The two of them continued debating until they began arguing. The stage crew, actors on break, and other people around them began watching until both the costume designer and director were shouting over each other at the top of their lungs. Despite their efforts, nobody could calm them down.
Fearing the incident may lead to blows, one of cameramen called a studio security guard in urgent request. The guard arrived a minute later and made a beeline for the director and costume designer, who were being held back by multiple people on set.
"lt's my movie. l make the decisions!" the director hollered, hoarse and red in the eyes.
"The movie quality will suffer!" the costume designer screamed, hair plastered across her sweaty face.
The security guard stepped in-between them and raised his pistol at the ceiling without a word. They continued to argue around him. There was a bark of gunshot, then nothing but silence and some falling plaster.
"Now see here," the guard said loudly, stepping back to look at the two of them. "Either you two quit your bickering or l'll have to escort you off the premises. You're making a scene."
So the family was eating out and we were talking about films we were excited for. He suggested Thor 2 and we all disagreed. He than said: Im exited for Thor 5 because than i can go to the cinema and say "1 too see Thor 5".
Liam Neeson is a huge movie star. He is so busy filming and traveling that he rarely checks his correspondence. One day, he goes to the post office so he can receive all his letters and a mailman asks him to sign a check out sheet. As Liam reads the paper, he notices something odd: right next to his name, the mailman wrote his name backwards. When asking why, the mailman replies: "it's not your name, sir, it's just that since you rarely come here, you haven't seen your mail before and I just wrote it down as a note".
And he was right, for Liam Neeson had "no seeN maiL".
The end.
I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.
What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives
Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.
What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...
The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.
Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.
We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.
There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.
A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words
SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§ΔΔΕtΕ‘
As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.
My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...
There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.
Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.
There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!
(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!
A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.
A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.
A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.
Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.
It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.
Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.
What is a fake oranges favorite film?
Pulp fiction.
I sent my roll of film to the photo lab yesterday.
She was complaining that a Russian magazine was submitting reviews on films that aren't even out yet. To which I responded "well they must be Russian things over there"
Two laughed others groaned and told me to get out.
So we were picking something from the TV guide after we'd finished watching a film and say to my dad, cause there was nothing good to put on, "Well? Well? WELL?" And the bastard replies, "A large hole, with water at the bottom." I tried so hard not to laugh, but he got me and it was pretty funny, unfortunately.
I was going for driving lesson after a 2 month break, and after fumbling around and finally successfully getting the car started, my driving instructor said this to me:
DI: "Have you been filming a show recently?"
Me: "No, why do you say that?"
DI: "You look a lot like a character in this show on TV."
Me(kinda flattered): "What show is that?"
DI (Deadpanned): "Oh you know, Lost."
Me: "......."
I film funny jokes and put them on facebook, I get a few requests like this but this time i decided to play for a little bit.
Brother: "Watch this film, it's very moving!" Dad: "Most films are moving, otherwise it'd be a picture"
My class is making a short action film. In this scene the main character just strangled a bad guy using his own earphones. Then he drops the dead body and puts on sunglasses (csi style) and says......????? Help Make a good pun and or comeback. (does not have to be school appropriate) I'm opun to any ideals
We were watching a film in which nuns wore that full on nun outfit, I argued that almost no nuns wear all of that and is over represented in the movies.
He said to me "I think they probably still wear it all, it's hard to give up an old habit".
He then says, " yeah ratatouille is a gangsta film. he's a dirty rat"
I filmed it and turned it into a gif.
This one requires a little backstory:
There's a cardgame called WHOT! It's just uno but with different shapes. Me and my dad used to play it a lot.
Unfortunately it's led to the same terrible joke being made repeatedly over the last 10 years or so. It goes something like this:
Dad: "You'll never guess what film's on tv tonight."
Me: "What?"
Dad: "No, I don't think they made a movie out of that. It's a card game."
It's literally been going on for over a decade now and it pains me deep inside my soul every time he says it.
So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.
Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
It doesnβt show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
Weather patterns donβt seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm
The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niΓ±o, el niΓ±o, el niΓ±o
It is a grate film
So I was talking to my dad about a film I had just seen, "Whiplash" (fantastic film by the way). I quoted the now famous line "Were you rushin' or were you draggin'?" to him.
Without missing a beat, he replied: "Were you rushin' or were you ukrainan?"
God dammit dad.
My parents visited me last weekend. Short on ideas, we decided to hit up a widely-respected art museum. They had some new exhibitions, some of which were a little outside our personal tastes and expectations.
We walked into a photography exhibit and saw, along one wall, a sheet of green. This sheet of green was a little higher and taller than the average door, and stretched all the way down that bit of wall plus a few feet onto the floor.
"Oh," I said, "a green screen. That's kind of a neat little thing to have here. Sort of an homage to that style of film, I guess?"
Little did I know. In hindsight, I don't know why I expected anything different.
My father and I approached the plaque beside it. There we learned the truth: This was not a green screen. No. No, this was a specially printed photograph.
A photograph... of a green screen.
There we stood, astonished at the audacity of the thing before us. "My God," I said aloud, "This, right here, this is something else. This is just plain genius. Can you imagine getting money for something like this? Why didn't we come up with this? This is gold!"
To which my dad simply responded, "No, son...
... it's green."
We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.
Mild Spoilers
There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.
End Mild Spoilers
She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"
You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.
"They just found an early draft to the film Alien.
Ash: I can't find the milk, Ellen.
Ripley: In space no-one can. Here, use cream."
Classic midnight text from dad.
Background: I have some experience behind a camera and have been looking for a job filming. My friend was telling me about a possible opportunity.
Friend: Ya know, they are opening up an adult movie studio soon, there may be some job openings.
Dad: It doesn't pay much, but it's all you can eat!
We're all sat watching a film with Christopher Plummer
Me: Is that Christopher Plummer?
Dad: No , it's Christopher the electrician.
cue exceptionally unimpressed look from me
Dad: what movie should i order tonight
Mum: well i want to watch the pianist
Dad: that sounds boring
Mum: it won best film at the Cannes film festival
Dad: yeah well how did it go at the bottles film festival?
So occasionally the theatres around my area will do a film series showing older films in the theatres format. This time around theyβre doing Mafia films.
My dad is 62 and is slowly staring to see his cognitive strength dwindle, but thereβs one ability heβll never lose...
His ability to land a great dad joke
To give some context, I was describing my week ahead to a friend of mine, given that we both work in film.
Me: I'm shooting some convention tomorrow afternoon
Friend: What kind of convention?
Me: No idea, it's only in the afternoon on a Thursday
Me: I guess you could say it's unconventional.
We're in different continents right now and I'm pretty sure he could see my smirk.
Not really a joke, but it sure made me laugh.
A few days ago I was working on an essay about Harriet Tubman. I finished it Wednesday night and left it in the kitchen overnight. At some point during the nighttime my father erased one of my sentences. It was something like, "New York responded to this incident with outrage, with most sympathizing with Tubman over her economic hardships."
He replaced it with, "Harriet Tubman wrote the first draft of the film The Parent Trap on the back of a Carls Jr. sandwich wrapper." I didn't check the paper before turning it in.
My teacher was not amused.
Friday ... remembering my first time
We had sex education at school,
and were shown various films on the subject.
One I especially remember was the 'how to put on a condom'.
So when the time came,
and I was in the position to try out what I learned at school,
I took the condom and followed the instructions from the video.
All was going well, when she said
'So, now what do we do with the banana ??'
I was on a walk with my Dad last night and our conversation reached the topic of James Bond films.
Dad: "I've been to the place where they filmed the crocodile stunt in Live and Let Die."
Me: "Jamaica?"
Dad: "No, she came of her own accord"
Not long into the film Maleficent starts using a cane to walk with. My daughter turns to me and asks why. My response to her: "It's just her schtick!"
She stares at me blankly while my wife trys to surpress a giggle.
Harry Osborne: "It's been 10 years. What have you been up to?"
Peter Parker: "I do some web design"
Made me laugh quite a bit. Can't remember if it was in the film or not, but here it is in the trailer.
>I don't remember...I was just a little baby.
Dad's favourite from the Marx Brothers film Duck Soup.
In class, my teacher went off on a tangent and started to explain the history of film.
Teacher: there was a point when there was a job where some one would be cranking a machine for 20 minutes to display the film can.
Student: Wow, spinning a crank for 20 minutes?? Are you for reel?
Teacher: Oh yes it was a chore.....ohhhh (groans)
Me: What's up? Dad: Up is an animated film about an old man, a boyscout knockoff, and a talking dog that try and save a rainbow bird named Kevin.
"You're going to use up all the film taking so many pictures!"
are practising a walking out of a room scene. One asks the other if they should film it for later review. The other replies 'no lets just see how we go'
So, I went to see Gravity with my SO this evening, and when we came home my parents asked how the film was. I told them I didn't like it much, and my dad says 'It must have been too heavy'
Yesterday I was watching a film with the family, with a scene where the main character was driving towards the camera for a while. My Mum said "Ooh, do you know how they film those scenes?"
My Dad and I simultaneously turned to her and said "with a camera".
The pride in his face almost made me well up.
We were at the register and the cashier says "Oh my gosh! You *pointing at my sister* look like the girl from The Last Exorcism!"
After a little semi-awkward dialogue, I asked if the cashier was talking about the person who gets exercised in the film, and she says yes.
Without skipping a beat, I look over to my sister and say "THAT MAKES YOU MY EXORSISTER!"
She then digs her face into the counter with the "Yup. This is what I live with" face
My other half has been on medication for conjunctivitis and she's been complaining about it for about a week. Well earlier she put some cream round her eye and she said to me:
"I must have put it too close to my eye as it feels like I've got a film over it"
My reply was
"Is it any good? I fancy a good movie"
Hollywood must know we're tired of their films.
And he sees the film "Gladiator" with Russell Crowe is on and he looks at me and goes "Gladiator!! And so was she!!!" Hahahaha I just about fucking died.
Ive have to to an eggstreme egg drop project and film a video while doing it. We want to make it funny by adding some puns to the video any suggestions?
Iβm currently filming the pilot.
We're currently filming the pilot.
Some people just donβt have film.
Weβre currently filming the pilot
Endgame Spoilers
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At the end of the film Tony says "I am Ironman"
His line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm a Dad"
"Try the Airplane." I said.
"Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980's but that's not important right now..."
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