"There's about to be a lot of shit happening right now"
"What happened"
"I'm going to the bathroom"
Because they drank the T
Because they drank all the t
A happy Uncle.....
Because they drank the 't'
Because it is apparent
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
A private tutor
Because all the other letters are Not-Cs
The latter.
I said, "no it doesn't"
One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.
"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."
"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"
At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.
Because it's not E.
Me: knock knock.
Her: who's there?
Me: Mary.
Her: Mary who?
Me: Marry Me.
Edit: she did say yes
They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.
Dad: How do you pronounce that one?
Me: Falafel?
Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..
Daughter: (Face palm)
.
EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.
.
and again..
.
Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.
Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.
Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)
Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)
Me: why don't Australians make jokes about Chinese food?
Son: :-|
Me: [in Australian accent] because that would be ricest!
Son: :-|
Wife: :-|
Success!
I'm a waitress and this one got dropped on me today when a family of 5 came in. They had previously stated they were in a hurry so brought them the check and said (i should probably mention that I have a very southern accent) 'I know y'all are rushin' so-' the dad cut me off with 'No, we're Americans.' His kids and wife were not amused and I just busted up laughing and high fived him. Anyway, I thought you guys would enjoy it.
He says, "I'll be disapearing on the count of three." He counts Uno, Dos, and disapears without a Tres. (read tres with an american accent)
I'll never forget when I was riding shotgun while my dad drove, and we were taking my friend Joe home. We had driven these streets hundreds of times, but at this moment, my dad released all these heretofore unheard-of puns.
We took a right on Cambridge Ave.
Dad looks over and stoically says in a gravelly voice with an -- American Indian?? -- accent, "First came iron horse… then came bridge."
Groans.
As we approach Minot Ln., he asks "do I turn here?" and Joe says "yes," to which dad replies "I don't know, Joe, I might, but I minot!"
Groans.
Finally, we make our last turn onto Cheyenne. Dad says with a deliberate, measured cadence, "You know, growing up, all the girls I met were so forward. It was weird. But then I met Shy Anne."
He finished his sentence right as we pulled into Joe's driveway. He put his right hand on the back of my headrest and turned to face us with a wide smile and the glittering, eyes of a puppy that just fetched on command.
Joe said "Thanks, Mr. Smith," and he got out and ran into his house.
