My brother was afraid of venturing into agriculture...

I told him to grow a pear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I almost got a double major in Mathematics and Agriculture

...but I couldn't pass cowculus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaMammatus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a big promotion! I'm now the Electronic Innovation and Entertainment Information Officer for Elderly McDonald's Agricultural Enterprises.

I can't wait to put E.I.E.I.O. on my resume!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nesogra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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I recently heard that the agriculture industry will be discontinuing baling hay in big rolls

The livestock can’t get a square meal!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldwahsatch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Did you hear about the farmer who won an award from the U.S. Department of Agriculture?

He was outstanding in his field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorScherzando
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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I majored in agricultural sciences in college

I got a BAA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BasilTheTimeLord
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Corn-based agriculture is a-maize-ing
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
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I used to Love JCB, John Deere and Massey Ferguson's agricultural vehicles. But now I hate them

I'm an extractor fan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapershackltd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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In June there was a Supreme Court ruling that overturned a Department of Agriculture policy in which raisins were seized from farmers in order to maintain high prices. An appeal case was suggested that would mandate compensation for farmers who forfeited their raisins

Clarence Thomas, in response, said an appeal would be "a fruitless exercise"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dude108
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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I tried chicken farming once, but i was a complete failure.

Not sure if I buried them too deep, or too far apart.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because the B shells are too small and the D shells are too big.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/birdmanjeremy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
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Why are farmers so angry all the time?

Because they are surrounded by agro-culture.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBigFalkowski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
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They have a lot of culture in the Midwest.

Agriculture.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shalyssa1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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What do you hear when you nuke a farm

Cowboom

I would tell you more agricultural jokes but I don't have any udders

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overdrivefan123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report

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