Action Woman Puns

I’m a heroine addict.

There was a train operator who had a really bad temper. Nobody liked him. He would always bark at people and be aggressive towards them. One day an 18 year old girl tried to get on his train near its departure time, but being the man he was, he started moving the train, she fell under it and died. The man was immediately hauled off to court where he was sentenced to desth by electric chair. So they strapped him in and pressed the switch, but nothing happend. Baffled, they let him go. The operator thought long and hard about his actions and decided to improve his life. So when an old woman tried to get on his train near the departure time and seeing her, he waited for her to get on. Unfortunately she tripped, fell, and died. He was hauled off to court again and due to his past reputation, he was sentenced to death by electric chair again. This time when they pulled the switch he was shocked and he died.

Why did it work this time, but not the first time? The first time he was a bad conductor, but the second time he was a good conductor.

I lost my watch at a club. I thought I'd never find it, but I decided to try. Sure enough I found it, but there was a dude standing on it. The worst part was, he was being very handsy with this woman. When she made herself very clear that she didn't want "it," he slapped her. That's when I sprung into action and knocked him out. Because you don't hit a woman. Not on my watch.

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Original post: http://www.reddit.com/r/standupshots/comments/2eju8x/timeout/