I just got into a brutal fight the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Mar 25 2022
In Egypt they require a priest to be at every airport 24/7
to bless the planes down in Africa
π︎ 33
π
︎ Mar 18 2022
Courtesy of my 7 year old- What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
Math, because it gets to use its cow-culator!
I am so proud, haha, she got a chuckle with that one!
π︎ 546
π
︎ Dec 11 2021
A mathematician arrives home from work at 2:00. His wife says, "Why are you so late? You said you'd be home by 7:45!"
The mathematician responds, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of 8."
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 12 2022
A joke from my 7 year old.
What plant makes calls?
A call-iflower
π︎ 58
π
︎ Dec 31 2021
My son went to get ice while at a hotel and came back to tell me it is only on floors 3, 5, and 7.
I said βThatβs oddβ
π︎ 956
π
︎ Oct 30 2021
My 7 year old is a dad
Me: I need to go get something from the car
Son: I want to come!
Me: no, just wait for me please
I come back inside to a digital scale sitting on the floor in front of the door
Son: okay, I weighted for you
I'm such a proud grampa
π︎ 53
π
︎ Feb 06 2022
7 days without a pun...
π︎ 81
π
︎ Nov 17 2021
Plant it during the cool days of spring or fall. Space the plants 18 to 24 inches apart in an area that gets plenty of sunlight and has rich, well-drained soil with a pH of 6.5 to 7.0
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 13 2021
I flipped a coin heads 7 straight times.
You could call it a coin-cidence
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 11 2021
I hear they phone each other 7 times a day
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 04 2021
Courtesy of my 7 year old. What's a cat's favourite colour?
π︎ 118
π
︎ Jun 19 2021
My 7 year old's joke - what do you call a smelly animal that no longer exists?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Oct 09 2021
My friend is a pilot and he is often experiencing 7 times the force of gravity
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 13 2021
The Argyle Sweater for 7/24 and 7/25/21 is a real stretch!
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jul 26 2021
What do you call 7 rabbits in a line walking backwards?
A receding hairline
(shoutout to a client of mine who gave me this banger)
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 19 2021
We told my 7 y/o nephew that his dad was to go into surgery to get part of his colon removed, without skipping a beat my nephew said...
Does that mean dad's gonna have a semi-colon?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jun 29 2021
There was a sign in the hotel lobby that said: "Breakfast is available at 7 a.m."
I think a one minute window is too small, though.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 07 2021
My 7 year old came up with a dad joke: What do Zombie Cows say?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Sep 28 2019
What do you call a group of Norseman that only drink 7.5oz Pepsis?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 08 2021
Nunavut has a 7-day Covid case average of zero.
I suppose you can say they have none of it.
Happy Nunavut day everyone!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 09 2021
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Feb 25 2019
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."
"Look at what kids your age make in China!"
π︎ 130
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Dadvent day 7. Already a week of puns!
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
My drunk friend was kicked out of Karaoke for singing βDanger Zoneβ 7 times in a row.
He had exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 27 2018
Why do we base our work around 7 days instead of a fortnight?
Because working for a fortnight would make everyone too weak.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
7 year old my wife babysits just pulled out a dad joke...
While playing with our 5 year old son and discussing Ninjas and Lego Ninjago...
7 Year Old: I know what kind of shoes Ninjas wear....
5 Year Old: What kind?
7 Year Old: Sneakers
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. βSon, hurry up, weβre running late.β
Son: βno dad, weβre walking late.β
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
i have a pee every morning at 7
problem is i don't wake up until 7:15
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldnβt bother question 8Dβs children about what they saw, since theyβre too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9Dβs kids will remember.
π︎ 394
π
︎ Sep 04 2019
Why do you get 7 years of bad luck when you break a mirror?
So it gives you enough time to reflect on your mistake.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.
"All your base are belong to us"
π︎ 116
π
︎ Dec 10 2019
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says βDonβt you know when to stop?β The woman says...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
Every month, I get a phase in which I make a lot of jokes about the +7 OS of iodine.
I make periodic periodic jokes.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
Maybe 7/8 in a different audience might get it.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Mar 02 2019
i got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 23 2022
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5 and 7
I was scared because the odds were against me.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 08 2022
I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9
The odds were against me.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
π︎ 164
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
I challenged number 1 to a fight, but he bought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9
π︎ 745
π
︎ Aug 27 2019
7 days without a pun
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
Edit: Thanks so much!! This is my first award!
π︎ 119
π
︎ Dec 24 2019
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
π︎ 108
π
︎ Aug 27 2019
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Oct 22 2016
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