My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Next time you go to the eye doctor say its nice to see you again
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What do you call it when you feel like your hearing the same song over and over again
What is it called when you die and are born again as a hillbilly?
Gravity, one of the most basic forces in the Universe. But then again, if you remove it...
What do you call a dentist agains fascism?
Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: “Noah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”
Rather worried, Noah said “But my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”
“No, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.
“Then why another ark?” Asked Noah.
“I wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.
A slightly confused Noah responded “Okay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”
“But not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.
Noah, now more bemused, replied “Uh- okay my Lord.”
“One more thing.” The Lord said unto him “it needs to have multiple levels.”
“Are you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.
And God said:
“I want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”
Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.
I’ve posted this before but you guys didn’t recognize the brilliance of it so I’m posting it again because fuck you that’s why
If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-
If you're Canadian when you go into the bathroom and again when you come out.. What are you whilst you're in there?
I made this joke on my old account but I got a new phone so ima say it again... What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?
I have come to talk to you again
If you ride a bike once, then ride it again
is that recycling?
(My dad's joke)
Ah physics class... You've done it again
It's a grandpa joke but whatever. 'Kids, when you're my age, you'll really want to wear diapers again for 2 good reasons'
'What are the reasons?'
'#1, and #2'
'Oh grandpa...'
'You don't understand. #2 was a solid one'
'Stoooop'
'And you should already understand #1, it runs in your genes'
"Oh, not that movie again! How many times can you even watch John McClane kill some terrorists before you get tired?"
"I'm sorry, but you know how it goes. Old habits, Die Hard."
"I always forget: what are you supposed to call a monarch's children, again?"
A rope a walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign, says "Can't you read?! No Ropes allowed". The rope leaves the bar, ties himself into a bow and messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender says, " ain't you that rope again"?! The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed not"!
If you charge them up again doesn’t that make them zombie batteries?
What do you get when Hitler doesn't lie, then lies once, then again, then two more times, then three times, then five, then eight, then thirteen times?
Did you hear about the naked guy found circling the same bush over and over again at the park? The cops came to arrest him for indecent exposure. When asked why he would do such a thing...
he kept beating around the bush.
Coworker said, "if you do that again, I'll kick you in the shin."
"That's alright, I wore shinguards today."
"...why?"
"Just for kicks!"
All I got for my wit was a deadpan look and a slow head shake.
When you have to choose between between going out with your ex again or have a growth on your forehead, what is that choice called?
My 9 year old is at it again... Did you hear about the pants that just came back from the gym?
Did you hear that the discount hitman, Arthur, struck again at Safeway?
Yep. The headline read “Arty chokes two for a dollar at local supermarket!”
Son:"Dad , Pennywise took my cards again. Can you help me?"
No, son. Deal with IT yourself.
What do you call a woman who smiles at you when you leave the house and smiles again when you come back?
“Dad, I’ll never go sledding with you again!”
Dad: Less talking and more pulling, son!
If you write something over and over again, it's etched into your brain.
So if you draw something over and over again, is it sketched into your brain?
You know, lots of people hates seeing the same jokes over and over again on 9gag.
It may be because they already Reddit.
When you mess up a coded message and have to send it again
What do you call a chicken who crossed the road, fell into the mud and crossed the road again?
A dirty double-crosser...
After messing up my tax return forms yet again, my accountant said to me: "you're such a liability....."
"... you should be on a balance sheet"...
My Dad just asked me "If you've Reddit, why do you have to read it again?"
I think the thing is with Rugby is that if you don't win, you just need to try and try again.
I was visiting D.C (from Baltimore) & took a yoga class. After class, the instructor said "Please come back, we'd love to have you again." I responded...
"namaste in Baltimore, thanks"
I'm a little upset you guys didn't like (and downvoted) my awesome post yesterday. Regardless I'm going to try typing it again.
"Son, I'll never play tennis with you again!"
"Your services are no longer required!"
Did you hear the one about the old jokes that got posted over and over again?
Did you hear the one about the woman who went to the kitchen and was never seen again?
I work in a hospital. It's pretty great because if you mess up people are really chill about it, and they let you try again. It's really a good environment because...
We'd be a really shitty hospital if we didn't have any patience.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
If you hit that drum again...
There will be repercussions
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