Year Four Puns

He’s still making fun of me...

Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.

I was so proud.

Now she's a small medium at large.

I think that’s poor for four

And said “I guess the ball is working today!”. His first real joke. I’m so proud!

Me: She's just a robot, I don't think she ever feels fear.

My son: She's scared of getting Alexa-cuted.

AKA "a peanut butter and smelly."

… And I think that's poor for four.

He said "thanks Dad, that really means a lot".

Me: We need to put on our jackets because it's a little cold outside today.

Son after stepping outside: No Dad, it's a big cold

Who does an ant call when they need to go to the hospital? The antbulance! Or the ambulANTS 😆

Me: "Thanks. I really need this yob"

I said I'd like to but I don't think they will fit me

This morning my son was about to put on his socks.

I: -wait, are there holes in your socks?

Son: -Yes, of course! Or else i wouldn't be able to get my fot into them. *holds up socks for me to see while extending hole at the top with fingers.

Me: -Hmrp... *sectretly feeling proud.

...after all, he was in his prime.

Went to the beach with my family and brought my parents. My wife was making everyone sandwiches when my four year old daughter became impatient and started whining that she wanted her sandwich next.

My dad picked up a handful of sand and slowly poured it out of his hand while saying "What is the matter? Look at all the sand which is here!"

I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”

My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”

Be careful what you witch for

In Wal-mart, looking for my girlfriend, and trying to practice my spanish

I look around and say "donde estan, donde estan, donde estan", kind of thinking about this song I heard years ago.

She goes, what does "donde estan mean?"

I say, well it sort of means "where are you, or where are they? I'm looking for your mom and your sister."

Her reply was "I donde estahnd what your saying"

My four year old daughter was sitting between my wife and I. While we held out our hands she touched each of our fingers saying 1, 2, 3... counting each one. I looked at my wife and said "We've got people that count on us".

What do roads eat?

Traffic jam.

By the next election year, we can all say that hindsight's 2020.

After watching the Lego Movie, he turns to me and asks, "Dad, how do you think they built all those legos??" His tone was one of that innocent wonder and I didn't want to ruin anything so I simply replied, "I have no idea!"

Without missing a beat he says, "Probably one brick at a time."

His father responds, “Ok, you’re a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

My wife was on hold with the office of the local newspaper when my four year old started asking for something.

Wife: Hang on sweetie, I'm on the phone with the newspaper. Daughter: But newspapers can't talk, mommy!

Daughter: pushes away her plate Daddy, I'm done with my supper. Me: No, you're not. You haven't even touched your pork. Daughter: reaches out with one finger and taps on her pork chop, then looks up at me and smiles

Me asking her to get out of bed: "C'mon honey, get up." Her: "Dad, I'm not good with heights."

Me: what made you decide to watch that movie (castle in the sky)

Son: My brain.

Me internally: you cheeky fucking bastard.

Dropping my nephew off after a day of hanging out: Him: I love you, auntie. Me: I love you, too. Him: I love you ten!

I didn't get it or laugh until I was half way down the street. I'm also going to steal a 4 year-old's joke.

My daughter: Dad, are you hungry?

Me: No, I'm not hungry. Are you hungry?

My daughter: No, I'm Lydia.

Dangit.

I'm not sure. I don't have 2020 vision.

We were starting up Lego Star Wars on the XBox, and he was letting me know that I was Player 1 and he was Player 2 by pointing out which light on each controller was lit.

SON: "I'm right and you're left. Right?"

ME: "Left."

Which I think is poor for four.

But he’s not buying it.

In fact, he’s still making fun of me.