Wine mom Puns

His response: “Ok, Mississippi.”

Dad:

> ...'C' creatures... like cows? Chickens?

Mom:

> .............

My family and I were out for brunch at a somewhat fancy hotel restaurant. It was a buffet and they had set up the desserts in the wine cellar/room.

My dad, nearing the end of his meal, asks "Where's the dessert?"

I point and say, "In the wine cellar" but in between the cellar and me is my mom and it looks like I'm pointing to her.

Dad responds with, "Sell her? I still need her though."

I sat there a little awestruck since he's never really been one to utter puns. I crack them all the time but I guess every dad has dad jokes in them; they're just waiting for the right time.

Her: What's mom's favorite wine?

Dad: There are a bunch. Probably "You never take me anywhere!"

My parents and I were on our way home for spring break when my dad noticed a liquor store called "The Wine Spot." He pulled into the parking lot and started complaining "I'M TIRED, MY FEET HURT, I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE HOME" and pulled right back out. I didn't get it at first but my mom did and then I quickly followed and just lost it. Best dad joke he's done so far :')

My wife and I are at the winery with my parents and the guy pouring samples is just flirting with all of the women, including my mom and wife, and telling dirty jokes, which is no big deal, but I don't really appreciate him calling wine "panty dropper" when he pours it for my mom. That kind of weird stuff, y'know?

Then he tells a story that he has an identical twin brother, and when they were infants, people would always ask his mother how she tells the two of them apart.

"I can tell them apart by their balls,"

And we're all like, "Jesus, enough with the gross out humor already," but he finishes the joke; "One of the babies bawls all day, the other bawls all night,"

So my mom just told my dad easy on the wine.

His response was puring wine into the glass slower. Classic dad.

My sister and I took my parents and uncle out to a nice restaurant for my mom's birthday tonight.
My dad and uncle ordered a bottle of wine. At the end of dinner, my sister exclaimed "You guys finished the entire bottle?!"
My dad looked confused and held up the bottle, saying "What do you mean? It's right here."

My mom acts as a mom and dad to me, basically.

She gets migraines from smells. Like wine and room spray kind of smells. These smells are in our house every day and she was complaining about them.

Mom: "...I have smell-sensitive migraines!"

Me: "Why don't you like wear nose plugs around the house?"

Mom: "Why don't you wear your ass?"

While driving past a winery in California my mom says, "I wonder how the droughts will affect the grapes"

"I imagine the wine will be a bit drier"