When someone makes a bad pun:
Next year will be normal again
Have to share this with someone who will find it funny
I had to go to the hardware store to pick up a couple parts to replace on the toilet. Was walking down the fasteners aisle and told the lady in the aisle “ this aisle is nuts “. She did not laugh like I did
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the fresh prints
When I told my client that I will be sending him a bill, he jokingly asked, 'Gates or Clinton?'
Imagine his shock when he received a perfectly preserved beak of a bird. Attached to that bird's bill was a note from me - 'Toucan play at this game!'
When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..
..take it out, flip it over and lower again.
If anyone has no family and will be alone on Thanksgiving, please let me know.
I really need to borrow some chairs from you.
A Spanish magician said, "I will make myself disappear on the count of three!"
Uno, Dos, POOF!
He disappeared without a tres.
Am elderly woman that was hard of hearing went to Kaiser to get her meds. The pharmacist said "That will $111.00." The women misheard it as $11, paid with cash, and left. The pharmacist said to himself.....
"I guess $5 profit is better than nothing."
I saw a Karen today with a bumper sticker that said ‘You will address me by my husband’s rank’.
Guess she just wanted her conversation to be private.
wasn't a whisk i was willing to take
What will you get if you remove B from Bananas
They will go out with honor!
If you don't think there will be a sequel to John Carpenter's best movie
You've got another thing coming.
I can always tell what the score will be before the Football game starts
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
Do you Know why Will Smith used an open hand instead of a fist ?
Because only paper beats rock.
I bet none of you will see this one coming
Nobody will upvote a cake joke on cake day anymore
Why a car with 2 tyre punctured will be slow?
Because it's now two tyred.
I am not sure anyone will get this any more, but what do you call it when the VP of Ford becomes a vampire?
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one.
He's never gonna give you Up 🎈.
We will we will we will flock you
Sony Filed a new Patent for a Device that will allow players to have multiple discs inserted into their PS5's and switch between games...
The Device is said to be a real Game Changer!
In order to kill a French vampire, you will need to stab him with a baguette.
A painstaking task, if you ask me.
Ghosts are always willing to tell you everything.
Because of their transparency.
"Hey bartender, you will never believe it. This guy has the same birthday as me, his parents have the same name, we grew up in the same town and we went to the same school. Can you believe it?"
Bartender to his replacement at the end of his shift: "The Murphy Twins are drunk again."
“Waiter, will our pizza be long?”
The Queen will be buried at St. George's Chapel, on the grounds of Windsor Castle.
People are just dying to get in there!
Do you guys think “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes will still exist in the future?
Or will they go eggstinct?
Just heard terrible news, my barber will not be cutting hair any longer.
He is only cutting it shorter these days.
Dad's hypochondriac wife was at it again. "Honey, I think this is it. When I die will you remarry?" "Yes dear." Will you let her live in our house?" "Yes dear." Will she sleep in our bed? "Yes dear." "Will you let her wear my clothes?
"No way, she is a size 2. They would be WAY too big for her!"
I’d make a pendulum joke but don’t know the reaction it will get…
It could swing either way.
Will you be my better half?
if you eat a piece of string, when you poop it will come out tangled
What kind of dad joke will bring you to tears?
Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson are making a film about their band’s eighth album, but it will take a while.
.
You can’t Rush Moving Pictures.
Warning: if you drop your Teddy Ruxpin toy like I just did, it will malfunction and keep saying the same few phrases over and over.
What kind of chef will bring you to court?
My wife keeps looking at model homes but she will never buy one
I think she has stock home syndrome.
Doctor: I will be delivering the baby
Dad: I'd prefer the baby with a liver
Which job will never be automated ? A psy
Nobody will want to go to an autopsy.
How will the new Brasilian president greet the old one
You didn't do so good in the Pollsonaro
I'm raising some money for my local SDT clinic.
Does anyone want to buy some scratch cards?
If anyone has no family and will be alone on thanksgiving please let me know
I really need to borrow some chairs from you.
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
Smoking bacon will cure it.
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