Why R U Puns

Why do they put fences around cemetery’s? Because people are dying to get in.

I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?

Too many stupid questions. Who's blood is it ? Where did you get it from ? Why's it in a bucket ?

When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.

I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:

"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"

To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."

The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.

Super Bowl halftime show, watching with my wife and boys, wife says “The halftime show is a bunch of rappers from the 80’s and 90’s, including Eminem, I really like him.”

7 year old: “Mn’Ms are good, but I like Skittles better”

Wife: “Not the candies silly, the rapper!”

7 year old: “Why would you just eat the wrappers!?”

Therapist: Tell me why

Me: ***screams

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

Why

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flurries, I saw the headlights of a plow truck in my rearview mirror. Thanking my lucky stars, I turned in and followed the truck, hopeful that it would lead me back somewhere I recognized.

I followed that truck for what felt like hours. He turned left, I'd turn left. He'd swing to the right, and I was right on his tail. After a while, I saw brake lights from the plow, followed by four-way flashers. The plow had stopped, and I saw the driver get out and approach my car. I rolled down the window to talk to him.

"Why are you following me, kid?" the plow driver asked.

"Well sir, my dad told me if I was ever lost in a snowstorm, I should wait for a plow truck and then follow it."

"Well," said the plow driver. "I just finished clearing the Target parking lot. Want to follow me over to Best Buy??"

He kept shouting, 'Mum, stop! Why can't you use a sponge!' 😀

Why did everyone hate Yoda's jokes?

Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.

“Well, it’s a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York Strip dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.”

The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying

“Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.”

——— Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.

And that's why they brought out 50 Cent at halftime.

that's probably why.

My 5 year old son is putting together a puzzle of the states, and as he’s doing so, he’s counting all the letters in each state (too see which has the most). He then comes to Tennessee.

Him: Why do we call it Tennessee?

Shouldn’t we call it… (as he giggles to himself)… Nine-essee?

We all groaned.

he still wouldn't tell me why he crossed the road

I am a 28 year old male, and for as long as I can remember every time me and my dad move something, such as a chair, or a couch, or a coffee table, he said "alright I'll get the heavy end" and idk why I always just assumed he was being nice and getting the heavier side.

And it literally just occurred to me within the last few weeks when we picked something up, there's no heavy end. They're both the same weight 😭😭😭

Edit: I understand certain things have heavy ends, which is why I initially believed it. And then never questioned it any further.

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

Looking back at it now, I see why.

I'm sitting here scrolling reddit when my son casually strolls out of his room into the kitchen...

Him: (knocks on the fridge door)

Me: (genuinely confused) what are you doing?!?

Him: Knocking on the fridge door

Me: Why?

Him: Just in case there is salad dressing in there...

It's a lame dad joke i know, but his execution was so spot on i couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Friend: "Why not?"

Man: I don't like to interrupt her.

My son and I found this cheesy riddle online. Why is it easier to count cows than sheep? Because you can use a cowculator.

After much derisive snorting, I said “But I could also use a spreadsheep.”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face"

Do you know why? Because he is Novak.

My 10yo son always asks for ice water with his meals. The past few weeks he's told me to put exactly eight ice cubes in his glass. I went with it because he can be very peculiar about certain things, and I just figured he had decided it was the perfect amount of ice.

Today he again asked me for water with eight ice cubes, but as I was getting it he said "I bet you're glad that in two days, I'll stop asking for eight ice cubes." To which I asked "why not?" And he said... "Because it won't be Octo-brrrrrrrrr anymore!"

I'm getting really sick of all the NSFW jokes that have been hitting the front page lately. I know I'm not the only one who feels this either. IF YOU CAN'T TELL THE JOKE TO YOUR KID, IT'S NOT A DAD JOKE. dad jokes are clean, thats why they're dad jokes. If you have an NSFW joke, please refer to r/unclejokes. I'm sorry if I sound whiney, but dad jokes are dad jokes and uncle jokes are uncle jokes.

Why didn't they tell jokes in Jonestown?

The punch line was too long.

Our baby has started being fed solids not long ago. Lately, every time she's placed in the seat she instantly starts trying to eat the tray section.

My wife asked, "why does she like the tray so much?"

To which I promptly replied, "she's just having entrée before the main course!"

My wife didn't appreciate it as much as I did but I still managed a laugh out of her!

Daft punk.

Wanna know why? Because he’s up all night to get Loki

Him: I'm sad today.

Me: Why?

Him: Because it's sadderday!

"I was wondering if you had a Kleenex?"

I said, "Far from it, that's why I left her."

Because it "cost an arm and a leg" to enter one !

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Note: this is first dad joke I write and make ... hope it can put some smiles on some of people faces .. have a good evening guys

PS : in a second thought .. I should had made it " Why snakes can't enter into hospitals in US? " LOL

While she's sitting there, she sees a young man who's jogging while eating a popsicle. All of a suddent, he begins to choke on his popsicle. The woman calls out to him, asking if he needs help, but the man quickly stops coughing, and gives her a thumbs up; indicating that he's fine.

About twenty minutes later, the young man passes by her again, now eating a hotdog. Just as before, he begins to choke on his hotdog. The woman calls to him, but again, the man gives her thumbs up, and confirms he's fine.

Another twenty minutes pass, and the young man once again jogs past her, while eating a bag of chips, where he, once again, begins to choke. He again assures the woman that he's fine, but this time, the woman decides enough is enough.

"This is the third time this has happened!" She screams. "Why can't you just sit down to eat?"

The man gives her a smile, and replies. "Because, ma'am, I'm a running gag."

He said "why are you cutting up rosemary so fast"? I said cos I've run outta thyme

That’s why whenever they have a kid they’re transparent.

Why do we not have Conditioner Gordon

Me: Why can’t Mirabel be in the photo her dad is and he’s normal? My son: He is special. His gift is being a Beasting Dad Me: Huh? My son: Get it cuz he gets stung by bees a lot? Bee Sting Dad??

Was walking down the street last week, thrift shop window had a really nice t.v. on sale for only $50

I asked the shopkeeper why so cheap, he said the volume button is broken

I said "well I can't turn that down"

Son: Why?

Me: That’s something that needs addressing.

That’s why they brought out 50 cent at half time.

Why yes, they’re right around the coroner…

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan

I asked "why did you do that?"

He said "Becauss you EAR-itate me."

We're newly parents and he was very proud of himself for that, his first dad joke.

Day 7 of posting soapy dad jokes for a week!

I was going to post just one joke today but due to the situation right now, I have decided to post 7 just to try to lighten the mood a bit.

Here we go...!

1. Why did the soap cross the road to the beach?

>!to get to the other tides!!<

2. My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...

>!But it was a pack of lyes!!<

3. I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.

>!then it dawned on me.!<

4. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

>!then it's a soap opera.!<

5. Last night thieves broke into my house but all they stole was soap.

>!cops say they got away clean!!<

6. Which is better Shampoo or Conditioner?

>!is it the foamer or the lather?!<

And lastly...

7. I NEED MORE SOAP PUNS!!

>!All the good ones keep slipping through my fingers! :(!<

Hope you enjoyed that! Please have a nice day!

>!Stay strong, Ukraine!!<

Write why in the comments

The bartender says sorry I can’t serve you. The mushroom replies why not, I’m a fungi.

My wife and I just had our first yesterday. My son was less than 10 minutes old when the doctor was doing some post delivery stitching for my wife.

My wife said: "how many stitches is it going to be?"

Doc: "we're not actually counting stitches with this, it's a running stitch"

Without missing a beat, I said "is it going after the fridge?"

There was very brief pause of activity in the room, and then soft chuckles and head shakes. Someone muttered "that's a good one". I feel like I've been inaugurated.

Edit: to everyone confused by this, I'll explain

Back when landlines were the main way of calling people, and cellphones and caller ID was rare (or non-existent), making crank calls was a.... common past-time.

One of the common ones was went like this:

Victim: "hello?"

Pranker: "hi, is your fridge running?"

Victim: "yes, why?"

Pranker: "well then you better go catch it!"

And then you hang up. So the joke here is that because it was a "running stitch" it was running to catch the fridge.

&lt;ba-dum tsss&gt;

"Why can't you write with an unsharpened pencil?

Because there's no point!"

I asked it to tell me another dad joke, and in typical dad joke fashion:

"Why can't you write with an unsharpened pencil?

Because there's no point!"

The bartender says "why the long face?"