Westering Home Puns

My crew is really interested in bringing Herbin Wester to justice for turning a blind eye to the Redbrands. They just broke into his house when I ended the session.

I was thinking of putting a note from the Black Spider or Iarno that the crew could pass on to Sildar, but I also wanted to check if the community had any ideas.

Thanks!

At Thanksgiving this year I saw my set of the Lord of the Rings on my mother's book shelf and I snatched them up. I leant them to her about two years ago. My girlfriend has expressed interest in them so I wanted them at a moments notice so we can talk about it if she decides to read them.

I had sat them on the dining room table and didn't think much of it, but my nineteen year old incontinent dog decided that I should be awake last night. So as I sat with him I saw my copy of The Two Towers had pages falling out. I picked it up to order them and saw that my thumb was on Chapter 7: Helm's Deep.

How could I not read it? It was so different in the film. Theoden the King, ready to do deeds that are worthy of song, even if there was no one left to sing it. Gamling at his most steadfast, Legolas and Gimli becoming brothers in battle, Aragorn displaying kingly virtues... Giant fighting trees. What's not to love?

"The sun was already westering as they rode from Edoras, and the light of it was in their eyes, turning all the rolling fields of Rohan into a golden haze."

Within a paragraph of prose I couldn't focus on anything else. My home could have burnt down around me and the burning timbers couldn't have stopped me from turning the page. It felt like drinking cool water on the hottest day or hearing "I love you" for the first time. It was as good now as it was then and forever will be. I wanted to read it aloud to my dog who was falling asleep next to me on the couch.

I think most of us can get caught up trying to understand every nuance and backstory of the world, but we were handed a literary masterpiece, a triumph of imagination that inspires hope in spite of the brutality of existence.

I truly am thankful that I can pick up a book and read letters on a page that transport me in an instant to a place that has never existed, but that I know everything about.

Usually after a decent weekend, it’s like ‘ok dickheads, back to work’.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

PERTH GLORY 1 • 1 ADELAIDE UNITED

Perth Glory Goalscorers: Bruno Fornaroli (40')

Adelaide United Goalscorers: Kusini Yengi (23')

Competition: 2021/22 Isuzu UTE A-League Regular Season (Matchweek 1)

Venue: HBF Park, Perth, Western Australia

Date: Saturday, November 20th, 2021

Kickoff: 7:05pm AWST, 9:35pm ACDT

Referee: Adam Kersey

Attendance: 17,198 (Capacity: 20,500)

TV Broadcast: Sky Sport 4 (NZ)

Streams: Paramount+ (AUS), Sky Go (NZ), YouTube (Countries without a broadcast deal)

Matchtracker Link: ESPN

Where the League Form Guide would usually go if this wasn't the first week of the season

Last Time They Met: PER 2-1 ADL May 19th, 2021

PERTH GLORY

 

ADELAIDE UNITED

MELBOURNE VICTORY 3 • 0 BRISBANE ROAR

Melbourne Victory Goalscorers: Kai Trewin (27' OG), Nicholas D'Agostino (31'), Ben Folami (50')

Brisbane Roar Goalscorers:

Competition: 2021/22 Isuzu UTE A-League Regular Season (Matchweek 2)

Venue: AAMI Park, Melbourne, Victoria

Date: Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Kickoff: 4:05pm AEDT, 3:05pm AEST

Referee: Alex King

Attendance: 13,026 (Capacity: 33,000)

TV Broadcast: Sky Sport 7 (NZ)

Streams: Paramount+ (AUS), Sky Go (NZ), YouTube (Countries without a broadcast deal)

Matchtracker Link: ESPN

League Form Guide

MELBOURNE VICTORY W Last Match: 1-0 @ Western United

BRISBANE L Last Match: 1-2 @ Melbourne City

Last Time They Met: BRI 5 • 2 MVC February 6th, 2021

Ladder Positions: 3rd vs 11th

MELBOURNE VICTORY

 

BRISBANE ROAR

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

"This has to be the worst posting on Earth." Kendra'ha sighed as her eyes started to hurt from staring at the screen. The Shil'vati woman had long since accepted that nothing was ever gonna happen at this particular outpost.

Linhe smirked as she rotated the comms array which continued to broadcast the all clear signal to their sister sights. "But you did request posting on Earth." She responded with her lines. The two of them have had this conversation many times before.

"Ya, to meet cute alien boys! Not to sit in the mountains, staring at a screen. I don't even get to shoot anything. The most exciting thing that had happened was when that mountain goat made its way inside the base, and ate most of the emergency ration packs…. And the captains left boot." She giggled at the thought.

"Just use your leave to go to the city." Linhe responded, unhelpfully, mocking her fellow Shil'vati.

"Oh ya, the only two cities with a shuttle port within a hundred clicks of here are either still angry that we bombed them from orbit, or angry 'cause we wanted them to stop polluting THEIR planet by burning dead lizards!" She stopped to take a breath and check how much longer they had left in their shift. "I still can't wrap my head around it! We replaced most of the Human's power plants with better and more efficient plasma reactors. But it just made the Humans mad cause it's TAkeN OuR jObs!" She pantomimed the one fat human that had thrown an egg at her last time she was in Calgary. "The job in question is mining a dead lizard graveyard!" She exclaimed.

"They've gotten over the whole bombing thing in Vang-coover" Linhe struggled with the human name for the city. "Plus the L.T. says their sports are pretty fun to watch."

"Sports!" Kendra'ha perked up. "Like turox riding?"

"No" She paused, trying to remember how Lieutenant Lowlee described it. "It's two teams of 5, propelling themselves on ice, trying to crash into each other as fast and as hard as possible to stop the others from putting a rubber disk in a net, and there's a sixth player on each side who tries to protect the net." Kendra'ha looked confused. "Also each side is made of really hot guys and sometimes they stop to have a fist fight."

Kendra'ha's confusion turned to elation at that. "That's the coolest sport I've ever heard of. We have to go see it!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This is the best posting on Earth" Raffel thought to herself not for the first time. The Rakiri was enjoying her day off by doing

Pilot on me!!

There’s only 3 late afternoon games today, but only one is being played in the western reaches, Raiders @ Broncos.

You may think that westerly spectators will bear witness to some of the prime time slate this week, but with Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and Nashville playing host, they will have to stay home.

11 teams play west of the Mississippi, this week their schedules are:

LA Chargers-@Baltimore

LA Rams-@New York

Houston Texans-@Indianapolis

Arizona Cardinals-@Cleveland

Dallas Texans-@New England

San Fran 49ers-Sleeping in

Seattle Seahawks-@Pittsburgh

KC Chiefs-@Washington

Minnesota Vikings-@Carolina

The lonely divisional matchup between the Raiders and the Broncos prevents the eastern and central times zones from hogging the limelight.

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

I'm currently DMing a game of LMoP and put together these lists of random RP encounters you can role for whilst in Phandalin. I thought I would share them with everyone who is looking for more things to happen in Phandalin itself.

The list is split into two, day events and night events. You can roll a D6 to randomly select an event, or you can choose to run a specific event that fits your story.

Day

1. As you wander down the Miner’s Trail you hear the sounds of a heated conversation about the quality of merchandise. Linene Greywind seems skeptical of how Halia Thornton acquires and sells her merchandise at such little cost.

[GM Note]

This conversation hints to Halia’s more shady side. Her goods are mostly gotten through illegal or amoral means. It also presents an opportunity for players to meet and learn more about the two characters, as well as potentially learn of some tasks they can do.

2. You pass through Phandalins main square and spot Sister Garaele hard at work decorating the Shrine of Luck. Candles, banners, and wreaths now adorn the once bare fieldstone shrine. It seems a celebration is being planned.

[GM Note]

A feast for the deity of luck worshipped at the small shrine is happening that evening. Tables will be brought out onto the town green and laden with food and drink. The feast pays homage to the luck deity and hopes for a year of good fortune. Players who take part in the festival can expect free food and drink mixed with various festival games. Inspiration can be given out as a sign of good luck to come.

3. As you pass through the smaller streets of Phandalin you spy a peculiar sight, Qelline Alderleaf appears to be speaking into her hand. Her tone is hushed and when she notices you she stops quickly.

[GM Note]

Qelline is communicating with a Robin sent by her friend Reidoth the Druid. Reidoth has cast the Animal Messenger spell on the animal and will cast Speak with Animals once the bird returns with Qelline’s reply. This could be a good opportunity for Qelline to tell the players about Reidoth in the town of Thundertree.

4. There is a bit of commotion towards the south end of town heading out towards the Miners’ trail as two disheveled and dirty looking miners slump into town. They look tired and, unless stopped, will head straight for the Stonehill inn.

[GM Note] The two miners had a run in with Bugbears in the mountains whilst mining. They were chased off and ended up running nearly all the way back to town. Their st

My partner and I just completed a four day road trip to/from Montreal and I felt like posting this here following up a former post where I asked about recommended scenic routes! Thanks again, Mainers!

Drive Up

Left around 9am from Gorham and took the road up to Coburn Gore. It took about 3 hours to get from start to the border, stopping briefly for Dunkin' in Farmington. The drive along 27 north of Farmington through Carrabassett Valley and the Bigelow Preserve (near Sugarloaf) is gorgeous this time of year. Thankfully (and slightly disappointingly) no moose. There was a surprising patch of what looked like ponderosa pines near Eustis as well, which reminded me of my current home in the Pacific Northwest. The last stop we made in the US was at the "Flagstaff General Store," where we got gas (cheaper than in Gorham!) and some snacks for the rest of the drive. This was Boxing Day and we weren't sure what would be open in rural Quebec.

The Border

We had to get COVID PCR tests within 72 hours of crossing, and that was done a couple days prior in Manchester, NH, because Maine just doesn't do PCR tests very well and 12/24 there was literally nothing available. We had followed everything that Canada needed to a T and had our QR code vaccination cards ready to go, along with our test results and our passports. Didn't bring anything in and when we got to the border crossing (Woburn, Quebec), it was super easy to get through. We were the only ones on the road after the store after two cars and the border agent looked pretty bored and characteristically Canadian--stern-friendly. The roads had been fine up to the border and after we asked about conditions further along, we were told that Canadian roads are usually in better shape. ;)

One other thing that happened to me was that I was selected at the border to be randomly tested. This was on top of the PCR requirement that was to be done within 72 hours, which was pretty annoying, but it was actually quite easy. Each province handles these border tests differently, and I can't speak for the others but Quebec's is done through a company called Dynacare. You get a box with a kit in it that you need to complete within 24 hours of arrival. (Note: I completed this the morning after arriving to Montreal; it involved registering for an account, getting an immediate meeting with a nurse virtually, doing the test via the virtual meeting--simple nose swab for 15 seconds in each nostril, packing everything up and put