War in History Puns

Me: I can't believe I have to memorize the entire Gettysburg Address by tomorrow.

Dad: Make sure you don't forget the zipcode!

Me: -_____-

Apparently during the U.S. Civil War there were two very smart cryptologists - one on each side. These guys were really good, constantly engaged in a game of cat and mouse to create secret messages and decrypt the other person’s secret messages. They were legend and history buffs still talk today about North Decoder and South Decoder.

There is a poster due in my US history class about the Spanish American war. My group wants the title to be a pun, and preferably involves the USS Maine. Another group has the title "the Maine problem" so we can't use that. Please help and thanks.

Back in high school a friend and I had a history class together, and the teacher was giving a difficult verbal quiz about Europe in the 1600's. His turn was coming up.

Friend: leans over to me and whispers "Hey, what was the 30 Years War about?"

Me: whispers back "Uhhh... I think it was about 30 years."

Friend: glare

This was from high school before I became a dad, but I think it still qualifies.

My history teacher was lecturing on the Paris Conference following World War I. Specifically, he was discussing each of the world leaders in attendance and each of their aims for the treaty that would result from the conference.

He was going down the line of leaders and asking the class what each leader wanted in the treaty. For example, "Britain was represented by Prime Minister David Lloyd George. What did Mr. George want in the treaty?"

He got through Britain, France, and Italy, then he came to the United States, represented by President Woodrow Wilson.

He asked, "What did Mr. Wilson want?" I responded, "Dennis out of his life once and for all?"

He and I were the only people who laughed.