A list of puns related to "Walking Truck"
Me- Dad can you remind me to put air in my tires? Dad- Sure thing. Dad- pauses Hey allergeez? Me- Yeah dad? Dad- Put air in your tires. Me- groans He's been getting me with that one for my entire life. Still don't see it coming.
I was crushed by the news.
Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.
"The Poach Coach"
Popular dishes:
A bystander helps him and calls the ambulance for him, The transport driver tells the man to take the penguins to the zoo then man says okay. Later when the truck driver was released from the hospital he sees the man walking out of the movie theatre with a line of penguins behind him, he asked what the hell hes doing and the man said, well you told me to take them to the zoo, i did, then i took them to the mall and now the movies.
Scene- Frito lay guy unloading truck at the local grocery store.
Dad- walks up to the frito guy, puts his hand on his shoulder and says to him, "they only call you when the chips are down"
Frito guy- laughs all the way back to the truck
One day there was a red man in his red house so in the morning he went to have a shower but when he got in to the shower his red sister had to go to the toilet so the red man got his red towel and walked outside because he heard a bang at the door and when he bent over to get the newspaper his towel fell off and a little old lady crossed the road and got hit by a truck, Don’t cross the road while the red man is flashing!
The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age.
After a few weeks, the man has developed an incredible frequent and annoying cough.
His wife is annoyed and is constantly telling him to go the doctor, but the man kept refusing.
One day during an argument, his wife has had it with his coughing and hacking and tells him "Im making a bet, if this damn coughin kills you i'm writing ' I told you so' on your tombstone!"
The man laughs her off since they both have a twisted sense of humor, and tells her its a deal, if the coughin kills him she can carve that.
The man continues on for another week
One day the man is out going for a walk through his neighborhood, when a freak accident occurs between a truck carrying coffins and a car, which results in a coffin flying off the truck, tragically landing on the old man and kills him.
Later at his funeral, his wife makes a very odd request to have them carve "I told you so" on his headstone.
When the caretaker asks her why she wants to do this, she tells him about their dark humor, and fills him in on the bet they recently made.
The caretaker is touched by the story, and agrees to do it for her, because in the end,
It was that damn coffin that killed him
A guy name Ken is late for his work at the Egg Factory. As he was running to work, he steps on yellow wet paint and it got all over his shoes and pants. He thought about going back home, but he trudged on. Then as he walked by a building a bucket of red paint spilled all over his hair. His hair was all red and thought about going back home, but he kept on going. Finally, he just needed to cross the street to get to work, but suddenly two trucks, one carrying glue and one carrying feathers, crashed into one another and it got all over Ken. He couldn't go home now since he just needed to cross the street to get to work, and so he did. As he went through the sliding doors, his boss said to him "Gee Ken! Your'e late for work!"
So, my town has a major highway that runs through it, and a bridge that people can walk over. Well, some guy decides to tie a ball to a string and dangle it over the side of the bridge. That way, any car that goes under the bridge will think they hit something and the guy could have a good laugh. Well, a semi comes through, and the ball gets caught on the mirror. The guy's arm gets ripped clean off, and he's sent to the hospital right away. The truck driver gets pulled over as he's passing through another town. The arm is still dangling from the mirror. The truck driver is then arrested, for armed robbery. (Badum-tsss) (Thank you, thank you. I can't wait to get 3 whole karma for this one.)
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.
What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.
First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.
Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.
If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper “Here comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost
I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon
If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?
This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.
If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.
I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.
My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.
When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr
... keep reading on reddit ➡I was sitting in my room playing with my dog, his name is Buster. My dog was being hyper while getting used to his new home.
My dad walks in and starts telling me about when he was my age and got a new dog.
( Insert sad music from the world's smallest violin here )
Dad: "When I was your age, my dad got me a pooch. His name was Rocket. I got him when he was around 4 years old, so he was pretty big. One day, I was working on my dad's truck and had a bucket of old gas sitting next to me. Rocket was outside playing around, being himself and came up to me. I slid back under the truck and heard some gulping sounds. I look over and see Rocket drinking big gulps of the gasoline. I screamed at him," Rocket No! You don't drink that!" Then he backed up, stumbling. I felt my heart sink to my stomach, I knew something was wrong with him. He took off running around the house. He ran around the house 2-3 times. Then he just fell over.."
Me: "Dead!?"
Dad: "Nah, he just ran out of gas."
Fuck off, Dad.
OK... so did you ever notice how every time you spend 4 days alone in the woods and you make it out without a scratch or even a mosquito bite, and you're feeling all peaceful and relaxed and at one with the universe, you're not home 20 minutes and unloading the back of your truck when you slam your right shin into the trailer hitch... and amid the flashing white stars around you, your fists clench, your teeth grit, your body tenses and every "mean, nasty and ugly" word you ever read, heard, uttered or even imagined ("Wait... is #*&%#@!!! even a word??? Oh what the heck? It works!") goes tearing through your brain.... and eventually it passes and you keep working, surprised you're not even limping and it doesn't hurt more than it does... and almost an hour later, when you're finished and getting undressed to take your first hot shower in days, you see a lump on your shin the size of Rhode Island... and the first image that pops into your head is John Merrick yelling "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!... in fact, it literally looks like a second knee on your right leg... so you spend the rest of the evening keeping it elevated and icing it on and off, alternating between a blue gel pack and a bag of frozen peas.... and when you go to bed, you keep the gel pack on while you read and then take it off before you go to sleep... and then you wake up around 3AM and decide to check your shin and the swelling has gone down quite a bit... but since you still have several hours before you get up, you decide to ice it again... but the gel pack on the floor is no longer cold so you get up, walk to the kitchen and open the fridge... and after taking a bite of leftover pizza from last night (because... well, you're here and what the heck?), you go into the freezer, grab the bag of frozen peas and take them back to bed with you... but they're all frozen into one big solid ball and well, that won't do... so you lay the bag on the bed to pound it once or twice to break them up, but instead the bag bursts open and suddenly there are frozen peas sprayed all over the bed and rolling onto the floor... and all those words from yesterday come rushing back into your head as you kneel to gather them all up... but suddenly your anger completely vanishes and you can't help laughing to yourself as you think, "gee, I can't remember the last time I pea'd the bed in the middle of the night"???
So leaving the resteraunt today, I noticed I had parked next to a nearly identical truck to mine. The only discernable difference being a Christian "fish" decal on the back of the other truck. As my teen son began to walk toward the stranger's truck, my youngest said "Max, that's the wrong truck." To which Max replied "Yeah. I thought there was something fishy about it."
I have raised them well.
So I am divorced. My kids live in a different state than me at this time. This morning I called to talk to my daughter (5) about her getting into cheerleading. About halfway through the conversation, I dropped an old gem from my Dad. It ruined the phone call.
Me : "Hey baby girl, you wanna hear a story"
Her : "What now?"
Me : (giggling inside because the tone in her voice already said " FUCK, walked right into this.")
"I was driving to work the other day and an ambulance drove past me fast and a side door opened up. A box fell out, so I stopped to get it. Guess what was in it baby girl?"
Her : "What?"
Me : "A human toe."
Her : falling for it. Dad's know this sound in the voice.
"Eeeewwww. Then what?"
Me : "I called the tow truck!" FUCKING BOOM
Her : "Ok I'm hanging up now, byeeeeeeeeeieeee."
And she really hung up. I love to think she is cursing me in her little head right now...but she'll use it later. They always do.
So last night we were at a carnival type thing and there was a food truck there called "town name Bite Me" where we ordered some pizza.
Anyway, I pretended I couldn't see the sign and asked her what it said. She just responded with "Bite me", so that is exactly what I did. I was awarded a couple of weird looks and a colossal eye roll.
Cut to this morning: I got up to find my better half talking to my mum. She was eating some leftover pizza while I walked up behind her, unnoticed. Mum asked where we got the pizza. Once again, she replied "bite me" so like a lion I went for the kill. I got dealt some swift justice for that one.
Jim was working hard sawing wood. It was hot, his hands slippery with sweat and the saw slipped from his fingers and cut off all of his toes. No ambulences were available so he called a toe truck, but he got there too late. His toes could no longer be reattached. He could not walk right, so he could not work. He got workers comp but it wasn't enough. Worst of all, his wife was lack toes intolerant. She filed for separation. He looked online for solutions to his problems and found a post telling him where he may find an answer. It said "Go to the forest late at night and wait in the glade. There you will find the Great Toed. He is wise in these matters." Having nothing to lose he followed the instructions and reached the glade spoken of. There was a line drawn that said "wait here." And wait he did for over an hour, and just as he was about to leave, a many toed toad toed the other side of the line with a bag in tow. "Ask your question," it said in a raspy voice. So Jim related his tale of toe woes. After listening the many toed toad replied "Have you tried the supermarket?" Jim wondered how a supermarket would help but decided to give it a try. He went the next morning and walked down aisle after aisle and then he found it: The supermarket was giving away free toes. Elated, he grabbed as many bags of them as he could and checked each one. He found enough that fit, but needed to attach them. He went back to the glade for help getting the new toes attached, and the toad was happy to help. He helped attach the new toes and jim ran off (little did Jim know that the toad croaked soon after) He was able to walk normal again, his wife came back, he got his job back and everyone lived happily ever after.
Oh the punch line? It's over there by the table.
I had been driving for a few years and had just moved off to college.
I was on my way back home to visit and it got dark during my drive. My headlights and radio worked but my dash lights were not coming on. When I got home I asked my dad about it and he said he'd go take a look. He went outside then comes back in the house just a few minutes later.
Me: "Did you find out what the problem is?"
Dad: "I think so."
Me: "Well, what was it?"
Dad: "I'll have to show you tomorrow, if I'm right then we're going to have fun working on your truck all morning."
We wait until morning, and dad wakes me up to go work on my truck. We go outside and he has me walk him through the entire problem again. Which lights were working and which were not, has me start the truck a few times and has me do the same troubleshooting I did the night before. I was getting frustrated and told him I tried absolutely everything.
Then he says "I think there's one thing you forgot." He points at a knob by the steering wheel. I looked at where he was pointing and it hit me. It's the damned the dash-light dimmer switch, and it was set to it's lowest (dimmest) position. When I looked back up at him he just had the biggest grin on his face. He then went into a full explanation on how this knob worked, knowing full well that I already knew what that knob did. Which, by the way, I'm sitting on the driver's seat and he's standing at the driver's side door. So I had no way to walk away from this embarrassing moment. All I could do was look down at the steering wheel and listen to him enjoying his joke.
Bonus story #1:
I'm in my 30s and one of my friends is a 74 year old guy that I play pool with. He always asks me what I've been up to, and one time I told him I met a girl.
He got excited and said "Do you have any pictures of her?" So I showed him a few pictures of us together.
Old man: "She's beautiful! She sounds like a keeper."
Then he leans in with a grin and says "Do you have any naked pictures of her?"
Me: "No way!"
Old man: "Do you want to see some?"
Bonus story #2:
That same old man was at our friend's wedding. He's sitting at the table with his wife and a bunch of other people. The conversation is about how they have been married for 50+ years. He says "I don't know how she's put up with me for this many years. But I've always told her that she can leave whenever she wants to, cause I'm comin' with her."
His wife explained that she has heard all of his jokes so
... keep reading on reddit ➡Hi there I just found this subreddit thought I might share this:
One night I was leaving to go to my mates house and dad had parked his new truck behind my car, so I thought might as well take that instead, he tells me "make sure you move the seat position, 1 is mine 2 is your mothers" I reply "yea cool, whatever dad, cya"
I get in the truck and push number 1, the seat moves itself closer to the searing wheel crushing me in between, I look up at the house and see my old man laughing his head off while he walks out of sight.
Thanks dad
Partytang jr (pointing at the Michelin man) "papa who is that?" Me: "that's the Michelin man, he makes tires for cars, trucks, and planes." PTjr: "why?" Me: "so we don't have to walk everywhere." PTjr: "why?" Me: "because then we would be sooo tirrred!" PTjr: "hahaha papa you are as funny as Louie CK" (the last part was paraphrased)
I was unloading salt from a truck when one of the lieutenants was walking by. He asked me what was going on and I said "Sir, I'm just being the saltiest marine around!" A groan followed my statement.
Just dad joked my boyfriend:
We're walking the streets of New Orleans, when we see a pile of white mushrooms on the ground next to a truck. It looked like someone had stepped and slipped on them.
"Looks like they were tripping on shrooms..."
Groan.
The elephant in the front asks the one in. The back to pass the soap. The elephant in the back says, "what do I look like? A typewriter?" As your audience stares at you in confusion you spring this one on them.
"Quick! Ask me if I'm a truck!" "Ummmm... Are you a truck?"
With the most blank look you can muster reply with "No." and walk away shaking your head.
As a dad, this is my favorite joke. Been using it since I was a teenager.
My friend had a truck on his lawn full of firewood for the bonfire planned for later in the party. This guy who just arrived walks into the kitchen and says, "Hey, you know you've got a truck growing outta your lawn?" My friend replies, "Yeah, I planted a couple GMC emblems and it just sprouted up!" The guy, without a moment's hesitation says. "Damn, that's a real bumper crop!" Everyone in the kitchen died laughing and the guy, who didn't really know anyone there, instantly became the centre of the party.
Background: My SO and I were at a flea market in LA the other day where there were food trucks scattered about. The one we chose to eat at specialized in grilled cheese (my favorite food). They had a sign saying they would cater special events... I asked how far of a radius they would travel. Cheese Griller: We actually have a few trucks between here and Texas. Me: None in North Carolina? Cheese Griller: Nope. Me: Well... are you looking for any francheesors?
SO immediately disowned me and walked away.
Bucees is a huge truck stop/gas station/everything station in Texas. My stepdad and I walked up the counter to purchase what we had. Upon getting up to the counter, the cashier asks, "Got gas?" My stepdad looks at her and replies, "Nope. Actually, I feel pretty good today."
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