My 11 y.o. son getting ready for school: Why do you always keep your snowman happy?

So he doesn't have a meltdown.

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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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o m g
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buibui123
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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I was taught by my driving instructor to hold the steering wheel at 10 & 2 o clock

At other times i would just crash.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiPaiHongGanLiao
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Pint o Beans
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddicaPolitician
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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first time posting here. (not a dad, just a 17 y/o kid)

Every time this queer couple lied to their son, he would see right through them.

>they were trans-parent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oksy_retard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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What did O say to Q?

Wear some underwear and stop flashing you pervert!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeclapabents
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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What starts with an β€œO” and ends with β€œnions” and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sayan_dutta7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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What do you call when you lit an 'O' on fire?

A flaming-O

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Out-dadded by my 5 y/o niece

I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.

My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."

Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckvet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?

Paddy O’furniture

πŸ‘︎ 635
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Why did Gilbert O'Sullivan go to the bank

A loan again, naturally.

My dad just came out with this on the sofa, not sure if he read it elsewhere but all the same he's very chuffed with himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssolarprincess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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8 y/o, "Dad, what does the space needle sew?"

Me, "I dunno, what?"

Her, "The fabric of space time!"

She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Why does the rest of the Alphabet find A,E,I,O, and U so annoying?

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrisj1616
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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Twitter meme s t o l e n from facebook
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oakvard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Why are frozen veg always in sealed packs?

To prevent any escape peas.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byte_marx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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A barrel o' puns. (Blank version at end) reddit.com/gallery/l8axkr
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishshake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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What does Shaquille O’Neal eat for breakfast?

Shaquille O’atmeal.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsonDaSushiChef
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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A play by Shaquille O’Neal helped physicists discover a new phenomenon

They called it Shaqwave.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Real_Tohsaka
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Why did AB hate O so much?

Because O was to negative.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuitcaseSuprise
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlusAwe55
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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From my 13 y/o son

He’s trying to cut a panini sandwich and said β€œThis knife is not gonna cut it.β€œ

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigRiverMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z

Happy No L!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

A pumpkin patch

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDangerboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?

A-TEN-SON!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Packaging69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Cardi O
πŸ‘︎ 456
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsUrBoiNoobie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Gonna milk this one for all its worth
πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Cranch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaeboomering
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Italian chef get locked out of his restaurant?

He had Gnocchi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdaddypoppin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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My love for this sign was Autumn-matic imgur.com/wcvEekU
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BirdNerdthe3rd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?

Because they're all not 'C's.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Did you know Cardi B has a sister who is a personal trainer?

Her name is Cardi O

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrillinGorilla
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What's Irish and sits out on the sidewalk

Paddy O'Dining

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Here's a 50 y/o pun on a magnet
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annoying_alien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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This is not oc content it MAY be a re p o st
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Loosing weight is a peice of cake!

Just don’t pick it up

Edit: piece I before E except after c

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gowry0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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A New Motorcycle
πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnergizerBunnyCJ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Recent father. Yesterday my wife told me we β€œwould be having dinner at around 6:30, 7 o’clock”

I told her I might be running late and asked if we could make it 6:38 instead?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoopsrule44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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My imterviewer asked me why I put A, C, D, E, I, M, N, O, R, and T on my application.

I told him they were the letters of recommendation.

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargedMedal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter

Pumpkin Pi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/varunmohan02
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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What do you call an 'O' on fire?

Flamingo

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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