The vampire says, “Where's the rabbit?”
“I didn’t.”
Because they are neck romantic.
He'd get frostbite
"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."
What do vampires call someone with O-negative blood? Answer: A universal dinner.
The first vampire says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says “I’ll have a pint of blood also.” The third vampire says to the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that will be two bloods and a blood lite?”
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Why did Dracula’s mother give him cough medicine?
Because he was having a coffin fit.
Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.
Dracula decided he needed a dog, which breed did he choose?
A bloodhound.
What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
What did the vampire say to the Invisible Man?
‘Long time, no see!’
Why is Dracula so unpopular?
Because he’s a pain in the neck!
http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/one-line-vampire-jokes-for-halloween/
My kids and i had some fun with these on a car trip this past weekend...
What do zombie plumbers crave? Draaaaains!!!
What do zombie pilots crave? Planes... Plaaaanes!
What do zombie conductors crave? Traaaains!
What do zombie opthalmologists crave? Fraaames!
What do zombie construction workers crave? Craaanes!
What do zombie nurses crave? Paaains!
...
What do vampires crave? Blood.
What is a Vampire favorite fruit?
- Neckterines
What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?
- Blood hounds
How does a ghost cry?
- Boo Hoo
What does a skeleton always say before he eats?
- Bone Appetite
What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?
- Skeleton Key
Why do Vampires need mouthwash?
- Because they have bat breath
What kinds of street do Zombies like?
- Dead ends.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
- Frost Bite
What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?
- Meals on wheels
What does a vampire never at a restaurant?
- A stake sandwich
What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
- It's a pain in the neck.
Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?
- To give a Screech
What does a ghosts have for dessert?
- I-Scream
What is a skeletons favorite instrument?
- A trombone
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?
- A Lab
Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?
EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...
So, my GF was watching True Blood. I had donated platelets today, which I do every month. The following exchange ensued:
Me: "I wonder do vampires like platelets?"
GF: "They probably consider it one of their main food groups. Like we would view amino acids."
Me: "You're a meano!" (she has to endure lot of shite like this."
GF: "Well you're acidic!"
Me: "What are you basing this on?"
GF: groan
