Two Eyes Puns

A list of puns related to "Two Eyes"

The other day after a football game My dad asked me why I had two black eyes.

Dad: woah! What happened to you? Why do you have 2 black eyes?

Me: There was a lady in front of me who’s dress kept giving her a wedgie every time she stood up. So I reached over and said pulled it out. She immediately turned around and punched me in the right eye.

Dad: So… how did you get the other black eye.

Me: Well…. The lady stood up again, and the guy next to me pulled her wedgie out… I knew she didn’t like it… so I shoved it back in.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/SenseiShwifty
📅︎ Sep 18 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call a deer with two eyes shot out?

No idea

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/Physical-Chain2060
📅︎ Aug 03 2022
🚨︎ report
"Oi! Two eyes!"

I shouted to the Cyclops nerd.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/JonnySpanglish
📅︎ Jul 05 2022
🚨︎ report
What medical condition causes cats to have two differently colored eyes?

Heterochro-meow!

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/SupremeEuphGoddess
📅︎ Jun 16 2022
🚨︎ report
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. ‘Do you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?’

‘Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths ‘ was his technically correct answer

👍︎ 8k
💬︎
👤︎ u/Irv-Elephant
📅︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What has 2 legs but cannot walk, two wings but cannot fly, 2 eyes but cannot see?

A dead bird.

👍︎ 1k
💬︎
👤︎ u/cryptozoophagist
📅︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you give the Devil two eyes and turn him around?

He becomes Livid.

I'll see myself out now.

👍︎ 166
💬︎
👤︎ u/Zeprido
📅︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
If a firefighter has two eyes, then what does a ballerina have ?

Two, too

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/MaCk_Pinto
📅︎ Sep 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?

A rookie!

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/GuyOnABison
📅︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the teacher with two lazy eyes?

Didn't last more then a day, couldn't control his pupils.

👍︎ 63
💬︎
👤︎ u/cyrus9898
📅︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?

Ugly.

👍︎ 54
💬︎
👤︎ u/NepoMi
📅︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"

The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/Fukface_Von_Clwnstik
📅︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Two eyes are resting on a face when one says to the other, “Between you and me, something smells.”
👍︎ 25
💬︎
👤︎ u/BurtReynoldsJr
📅︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
The walls might not have eyes but the ceiling has two!
👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/jakchrizt
📅︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with two eyes?

Fishi

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/Dinosaurking88
📅︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I have six eyes, three ears, and two mouths. What am I?

Ugly

👍︎ 24
💬︎
👤︎ u/jnnx3
📅︎ Dec 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?

A rookie

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/winnieismydog
📅︎ Sep 19 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.