Introduction
I know in my previous post to follow up I said I was going to give myself a few days before I came back here to say this. Since posting that I have had a nervous thought in my head - that I'm only feeling afterglow and once this wears off, I won't feel the motivation to make the final submission to complete what I had set out to do. I know myself well enough that I need to worry about that. Also a part of me said it didn't matter, and it makes me laugh. So I'm going to do it now and set myself free once and for all.
What Led Up To This
I'm going to be very careful how I word this post. For the sake of my anonymity I will be rewording everything carefully from what I really want to say but will not distort what actually happened. I need to be honest with myself and to do that I need to be honest with you.
I am a male in my late twenties. I work in the technology field in Michigan, USA, and have suffered from crippling alcoholism for close to a decade. I have no siblings. This can be easily figured out just by looking at my Reddit profile post and comment history. I don't believe in other forms of social media. I deleted my Facebook several years ago and never have been on any other ones like Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumblr, or whatever the fuck these kids and boomers use nowadays.
This is my story and not a single person in existence knows all of the pieces of who I am up until the second I hit the enter button and post this, before now. Welcome.
From a very young age I had experienced some bitter parts of life. My mother had me very young and during a time where she had her own problems - including alcoholism and cocaine addiction. I do not know for sure if she abused any while she was pregnant with me or not, it was something I still to this day can't get an answer for.
When I was three my parent split up. My mother and father were talking about divorce and my mother moved out. My dad had a better job and no history of addictions, so I lived with him and visited my mother on weekends. In the next couple of years my father will have started seeing someone, who in the future becomes my stepmother.
At six years old my mother died in a freak accident. I have to leave this as vague as possible because if I told you how she died, it would take a ten second google search to identify me.
I couldn't tell you how long it took after the funeral for my dad's girlfriend/my current stepmother to
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
I know it’s not for everyone, and I’d never push it on anyone, but AA is really helping me stay committed to my taper. I’ve been extremely shy at meetings, but yesterday asked one of the older ladies if she would sponsor me, and she said yes!
One of her rules is that we must be in contact every day. So I’ve got to text her each morning. So now In addition to meetings, I’ve got another human keeping me accountable during this quit.
I’m excited to go through the steps… especially making amends to all those I’ve hurt. Even though kratom isn’t as destructive as the Vicodin I used to be hooked on in my early twenties, or alcohol in my late twenties.. I still managed to lie, cheat, and steal from people just the same. I chose kratom over my loved ones every time. I faked being Ill when I ran out, avoiding my family and friends when they needed me. I asked to borrow money from my mom if I couldn’t afford more… lying and telling her it was to pay bills or go to the doctor. I was a master manipulator and always the victim in every story. And I owe all my family and friends apologies. I can’t wait to get to that step and clear my conscience.
Anyways… down to 18 GPD today, from 40. Barely feeling any withdrawals yet, but I know that they’re coming. When they do come… I’ll get my ass to a meeting and lean on other addicts to see me through.
Thanks for listening, and good luck on your quit/taper. Love you all!
The doctor says it terminal.
Mentos
(I will see myself out)
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
He lost May
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
But let me give it a shot.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
He’s the new temp.
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Amy
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me.
Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Put it on my bill
