Time Off Puns

A list of puns related to "Time Off"

LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...

Oops, wrong sub

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👤︎ u/superto3
📅︎ May 16 2020
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I told a joke with a pun and she said that it took 5 years off her life. I responded with, "time flies when you're having pun!"
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👤︎ u/ImpossibleTheory9
📅︎ Dec 24 2019
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Most people would prefer to have the time off between Christmas and New Year, but I have a better idea.

I'd like to have the time off between New Year and Christmas.

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👤︎ u/Jan_Tik
📅︎ Jan 01 2020
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I was in the pub having a drink when a girl came up to me and said she can show me a good time. So I followed her out the back where she took off her top...

...and she ran 100m in 10 seconds

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👤︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
📅︎ Jan 21 2020
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Back in the 90s, i spent time on the set of Baywatch messing with a character named Mitch Buchannon. I got pulled off the set and arrested the same night.

Turns out it's illegal to Hasslehoff.

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👤︎ u/StupidBeaver
📅︎ Dec 20 2019
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This one time when I was still a kid, my younger sister got very mad at me for making silly noises. To show our parents that her ensuing fit of anger wasn't as annoying as my goofing off, my sister said,

"Well at least I'm not walking around the house going "Hurgerbgehbh blurgeblegh blurgega, hurr dee hurr, derr!"

To which my dad said,

"Yes you are".

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👤︎ u/JTCMuehlenkamp
📅︎ Jun 18 2019
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So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?

Island.

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👤︎ u/Snaaaaaaaaaake
📅︎ Jan 19 2017
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My friend takes time off work to go dig for water in drought stricken areas.

He has a well paying job.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ May 16 2019
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I got booted off stage at a Karaoke bar. I was trying to sing 'Danger Zone' from that Top Gun movie. I forgot the lyrics three times.

They said I exceeded my Loggins attempts.

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👤︎ u/slartibartfastBB
📅︎ May 06 2019
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Showed my Dad Warm Bodies the other day, he caught me off guard this time.

If you don't know the movie, there's a scene where the main character (R) is attempting to drive a car and he's starting and stopping because he can't control his limbs fully.

So my dad just quietly goes. "Makes sense, he's got bad motor control."

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👤︎ u/_Tamassran_
📅︎ Jan 26 2018
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one time i threatened to jump off a cliff but it was just a bluff
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👤︎ u/jbhelms
📅︎ Feb 03 2018
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Me at work: "Hey Steve, can you check what time I get off of work on Wednesday?" Steve: "Wednesday let you."
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👤︎ u/5c077_fr33
📅︎ Apr 27 2018
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Some times it just gets so noisy and hectic I wish I could turn it all off

But it's a mute point

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👤︎ u/The_Possum
📅︎ Nov 24 2016
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The time I was foolishly challenged to a dad-joke off.

I am well known among my friends as a Pungeon Master, but my brother foolishly decided to challenge me.

We went back and forth for a while, the theme ocean/fish puns. Finally, I busted out the nuclear strike that caused him to literally get up and walk away.

Me: Why are fish all atheists?

Brother: Why?

Me: Cause they're all, "Ick, theology."

Silent, he stood, left the restaurant and drove off. He was my ride T-T

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👤︎ u/Codoro
📅︎ May 01 2016
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Every time my dad has to pick some thing off of the floor...

...he says "I really need to get this floor raised so I don't have to bend over so far."

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👤︎ u/hoagies_and_grinders
📅︎ Oct 18 2013
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For my whole childhood any time a pea rolled off a plate during dinner my Dad would say this

"There goes an escaPEA."

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👤︎ u/ReddBig
📅︎ Aug 25 2013
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My favorite joke off all time could be classified as a dad joke.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizophrenic and so am I.

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👤︎ u/SMYTAITY
📅︎ Jun 27 2014
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