What do you call a doctor who is both alive and dead at the same time?
I told my doctor my eye hurts every time I drink tea...
He told me to take the spoon out.
One time I went to my doctor and said "I think I might have ADHD because I can't find my Ford!"
He said "That is not how ADHD works, sir."
I said "But I keep losing my Focus!"
Why can't the Doctor travel back in time and meet himself?
He'll create a temporal pair o' docs!
What did the power ranger doctor say when it was time for painkillers?
I had mono in high school. I went to the doctor today with similar symptoms but two times worse...
A woman goes to her doctor. He says: “Haven’t seen you in a long time”
She says: “That’s because I was sick”.
what album do X-Ray doctors listen to most of the time
Doctor, Doctor, every time I take a picture of myself, the bottom of the picture is always foggy. It’s making me really fed up.
That’s because you have low selfie steam.
Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.
He says, "Printed in China."
This is a true story lol.
Doctor, help me! Sometimes I think I’m a Teepee and other times I think I’m a wigwam!
Doctor: obviously, you’re two tents
Doctors have a first time too
My dad passed away last year because my family didn't know blood type in time for the doctors to do a transfusion.
As he was dying he kept saying "be positive" but it's hard without him.
I broke my hand last week, at the hospital thinking it was permanently damaged, I asked the Doctor if I’d be able to play guitar. He replied “Yes, after you’ve taken time to heal”
I was ecstatic, I’ve always wanted to know how to play.
An old woman goes to see the doctor. "I'm very gassy, but fortunately my farts are quiet and don't smell. In fact, I've farted three times since you came in, but know you haven't noticed at all."
The doc nods his head, gives her some pills and tells her to come back in a week.
A week later, the old woman comes back and is very upset. "I'm still very gassy, but now my farts are really loud and smell like a porta-potty at a chili festival!"
The doc says "Well now that we've cleared up your hearing and sense of smell, we can do something about your gas!"
How are doctors so even tempered even under this incredibly stressful times?
They have a lot of patients.
What did the doctor say to the patient who broke their foot for the second time?
Do you know why you never see two doctors in the same place/time?
You never see it because it would be a pair o' docs. (Paradox)
I went to the doctors for the first time in a while. He told me that I had a piece of lettuce hanging out of my ass.
I told him that was just the tip of the iceberg
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says to this guy. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?” “Ten…” the doctor says slowly.
“Nine... eight… seven...”
Why does my cancer doctor let me phone her any time day or night?
Because she's an on-call-ogist
What kind of doctor can you talk to at any time of the day?
My doctor told me that I have a really hard time finishing what I
Every time dad comes home from the doctor:
They x-rayed my head but found nothing.
The worst time to be an eye doctor has to be New Year's Eve 2019,
Right before everyone sees 2020.
I was at the doctor and they said i have to wait some time
My father needed surgery, and the only time the doctor could do it was on an evening flight
I knew this was a fly by night operation
Did you hear about the doctor who went back in time and met himself?
He created a real pair-a-docs
Guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." Doctor asked, "Are you taking anything for that?" The man says,...
Doctors sure spend a whole lot of time and money on medical school...
Just to become ill informed.
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