He was as famous for his barrage of punches as he was for his rhyming taunts before a big match.
The called him the Jabberwookie.
Poor guy turned to a life of mime.
My Aunt immigrated to the UK years ago and works as a teacher. I was talking about the difficulties of teaching my son Sight Words.
Aunt: That's interesting, I have never heard them called that before.
My Dad: Because over there they call them "Soit Wordz Bruv"
My Viagra pills finally came in the mail.
DAD: Not really hon. After 70 you can pretend to be senile, and be a kid again.
"You mean for the rest of your life, dad."
Where are the pro gamers
I have other things to do during the day.
It was a loco motive
http://imgur.com/IA5u3F0
X post from r/texts/
I told him I wrote a paper about Dracula. His response was "Did it suck?"
I'm undead now.
"But the wedding isn't until tomorrow, dad."
"I know son..."
Me: "What was that really bad joke you told me in the car?" Dad: "It couldn't have been me" Me: "It was definitely you, Dad" Dad: "Nope. I know it wasn't me because I don't tell bad jokes"
Goddammit Dad
Dad: What'd the cowboy say when his horse ran away?
Victim: I don't know, what?
Dad: There goes my horse! What'd the horse say when his cowboy ran away?
Victim: There goes my cowboy?
Dad: No! Nothing! Horses can't talk! (dad laughter)
The worst part is once my friends and I caught on and gave "nothing" for the second question, he'd say, "No, he said 'there goes my cowboy!'" so we could never win.
Me: Hey dad, what time is it?
Dad: Same time it was yesterday 24 hours later.
I said "Is that the remix to 'antelope life'?"
She rolled her eyes, groaned and then laughed.
Today
My wife: My arm hurts from a shot today.
Me: Oh yeah what for?
My Wife: B12, my levels were low.
Me: What is it now, B14 or B15?
My Wife: shakes head
Me: Maybe B20 or 30?
He will come over, and look confusingly at the side of your head. "What's this 'ere?" (pause) "What's this EAR?"
First grade, I'm in the school play because, well, every one was. I can sing, always have been pretty good at it, so they gave me the job of playing Sebastian in our Little Mermaid rendition. We're singing "Under the Sea" and I look out to the audience to see my dad, in the front row, making the biggest, puffiest fish face his head will physically allow. I haven't done much acting since then.
Me: I'm hungry.
Dad: Nice to meet ya hungry, I'm Jack.
