He now farts loudly in public (thinking it's a silent killer) and pretends someone else did it....
It's called X-Men
His racket earring
I guess you could say I'm Hans Free
🙄
Buy it and you cant afford food!
It speaks for itself.
sarchasm
It's called Ctrl-ALT-YEET.
The title is "Two Wongs Make it Right"
They’re called Sharon, Lois and Brammstein.
"I think we can swing that" Proudest dad joke yet as it flowed so naturally
It's called iRaq
But it was in the title all along and I should have expected an appearance from Elvish Presley.
Any punsters want to help me think of a clever name for a beer bottle label? It’s a Kolsch beer and has to be something about counseling/mental health.
Best pun gets to be featured at an honors society banquet lol plus I’ll send pics of the final product!!
Ready…set…PUN!
It was Baaaaaaaroque music.
grins sheepishly
They had to release an eye patch!
They caught a lot of meatwood flack
The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”
She was a poor-traits artist.
But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.
I’m in the business of raisin awareness.
At first I really didn't get it but in the end it came full circle.
I told the that that's a feature of "Uncle Premium" and their attitudes only get them the basic subscription!
He replied "Car no do that, car no fly"
As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees
/r/dadjokes will be hosting an open mic night using reddit's new feature Reddit Talk! Come, hang out, test the new feature, and tell us your best dad jokes!
The event will last one hour and begin at 5PM PST (8PM EST, midnight UTC). In order to access Reddit Talk you will need to be using the latest version of the official reddit app. Looking forward to talking to you all!
they say he was hoist by his own Picard...
my dad said, "wow, all Tsar cast."
A small business owner walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's business?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. We had quite a fiasco this week. I had a shipment come in containing 100 high-quality T-shirts that featured a glow-in-the-dark design of a 100 dollar bill on the front. They looked really cool in the catalog when we ordered them, but we didn't sell a single one all week," the business owner complains. "I guess it's true. Money doesn't glow on T's. "
I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
Supposedly it was a sold out tour, fairly apparent considering not a single seat was available on the bus!
At one point we happened to come across a field FULL TO THE BRIM with cows, and so I pleaded the bus driver to stop so we could take it all in.
We disembarked and took our places at the field fence, taking in the view of cow after cow.
I wondered to myself how it was so easy for folk to distinguish between cow and bull so readily, and so voiced my frustrations to the farmer close by.
“Excuse me sir, I’ve looked at your cattle and can’t for the life of me pick out a feature to help tell me the sex!!!!”
The farmer looked at me for a brief moment, painted with concern before asking,
“What about the udders…?”
I shook my head and frowned, and with mounting uncertainty replied,
“Not sure, you’d have to ask them!”
Promised my friend I would post this for him so he can see what kind of traction it would get...
We were away for a friends wedding for the weekend. Every day there would be a different activity. The night we arrived was a rehearsal dinner which we attended. The dinner was outdoors and featured a Brazilian band on stage. The man was wearing a nice suit and my buddy says "Wow I bet that suit cost a Brazilian dollars" Instantly one of my favorite Dad joke lines.
- Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
- Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
- Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
I just need a very short pun involving space and dinosaurs to go on the cover of an adventure book im writing for kids.
"A roarsome adventure" is too cliche and I'd like space to be featured somewhere. But there isn't a lot of room.
Thanks for any help, don't worry about them being dumb as a dumb pun could inspire a decent one :)
I told my wife to just leave it though since the freezer has an auto defrost feature
