I am Iron Man.
He just called her to say, "I love you... but I'm the one that plays with all the keys around this house."
Then it dawned on me.
Then it hit me.
Then IT hit me
So when the tour guide pointed out a fuel system engineer I asked him "can you tell me why there are big flat plates all over the inside of the fuel tank?" and he looked up at it and said "oh, that's just baffling" and I thought, great, if he doesn't know, who would?
They are calling it the Holy Braille of Concerts!
They told me to get in back of the fee line.
Then it hit me
I asked my 11 siblings and neither do they know...
but then it dawned on me
He had too much Thyme on his hands
And then one morning it dawned on me.
Then it dawned on me
I hope so, for their Sake
Just enough for the satay
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡I bet it is way cooler than you think
It's because there are more birds on that side.
The short answer is, it’s unclear.
"Yes, God made me" the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?" "Yes, He did," the older man replied. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her little mind.
At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job, lately, isn't he?"
I mean he went oui, oui, oui all the way home.
I said, "No, it's pretty light. "
Or did NASA miss this window of Opportunity?
Where the fuck did my roof go?
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
Then it dawned on me.
...Will I Everest?
....then it hit me.
And then it hit me.
Then it hit me.
Then it dawned on me!
Then it hit me
Then it dawned on me.
Then it dawned on me
Then it hit me.
Then it hit me.
Then it hit me.
And then it dawned on me.
then it hit me.
Then it hit me!!!
Ireland... Everyday it is Dublin
then it hit me
When suddenly it dawned on me.
