When playing women's football, what's the best way to start a fight with another player?

Soccer

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dream_Song14
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2021
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The missus asked me if I thought of other women so i threw a glass of milk at her.

That's the last time we are ever playing truth or dairy.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Username_Checks-In
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I heard this i while back donโ€™t remember where its from, sorry if it seems butchered(longish)

One day a loving husband and father of 2 sons comes home, one of the sons asks him to come upstairs, so he comes upstairs and his son saysโ€œdad, im gayโ€ the father, surprised says โ€œwell, okay, i still support you sonโ€.
The next day the father comes home to his other son asking him to come upstairs, he goes and the son also comes out as gay, the loving father says โ€œboth you and your brother, i wont have any kids, but, i still support youโ€........ ........ ........ ........ ........ ........ The father then walks down stairs to go and play with the family dog(male) and finds him in the backyard humping the neighbors(also male) dog. The father walks back into the house and exclaims โ€œDoes anyone in this house like womenโ€.
His wife taps him on the sholder

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zeek7Br-Ba
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Fish Puns

Within animal puns, we provide you the funniest bundle of fish puns

What did the fish say when he posted bail? โ€œIโ€™m off the hook!โ€


Why donโ€™t fish like basketball? Cause theyโ€™re afraid of the net


Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!


What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated


What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!


How do you make an Octopus laugh? With ten-tickles


Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!


Why donโ€™t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.


What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.


What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna


Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.


What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.


Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments.


What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Good morning ladies.


What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall? Damn!


Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have some one thow it at you.


How do you make a fish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale.


What happens when you drink like a fish? You piss like a fire hose.


Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just Squidding.


What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!


What did the fish say when he posted bail? โ€œIโ€™m off the hook!โ€


Why donโ€™t fish like basketball? Cause theyโ€™re afraid of the net


Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!


What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!


How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles


Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!


Why donโ€™t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.


What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.


What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna


Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.


What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.


Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CampConcentration
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2014
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