The Weirdos Puns

"That's slander, man."

So I told it to "leaf me alone" because it wad "barking mad", luckily my friend was the rooting for me. I said to him "stick it up your trunk you weirdo" and that scared it off.

Daughter: Dad, are you smart?

Me: Yes.

Daughter: Spell it.

Me: S-M-A-R-T

Daughter: You said you’re smart but you can’t even spell the word “it.”

She got me good.

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Edit: My first front page post! I’d like to say thanks to all the wonderful people that upvoted this and made awesome comments. And screw you to the weirdos who went out or their way to say mean things. And thanks to my daughter. She is the real MVP in all this.

GF: "You're such a weirdo!" Me: "I'm a Weir-Buck, you're the weir-doe, dear"

Having dinner at the local pub when my mum asks what my girlfriend is currently doing at uni. I told her she's been collecting sticks for an art installation assignment: Me: "She's gonna look like a weirdo catching the train into the CBD." Mum: "Yeah, people are gonna be going up to her and telling her she's a faggot."

"Faggot" means a bundle of sticks, for those who aren't aware.