My son went crazy running around the neighborhood breaking small twigs in everyone's yard one night...

I think he just snapped.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ May 16 2020
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Picture Perfect Puns

Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts

Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)

Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.

Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics

Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics

Leaky faucet: drip pics

X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics

X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)

X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics

X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics

Legal command: Writ pics

Pictures of twigs: Stick pics

A Christmas Story scene: lick pics

Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics

Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)

Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.

Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.

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👤︎ u/AndySkibba
📅︎ Feb 18 2021
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Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...

They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.

"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.

"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the world are you doing that?!"

The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"

👍︎ 177
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📅︎ Oct 26 2020
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So I my son started to bark at me

Kept on insisting that I had promised to build him a treehouse but I don't remember evergreening this elm of a contract. Though he kept inisisting I had birch the agreement due to the long delay but my attempt to confern the fertility of the spruce was in roots. Now I have to oak up and face the spruce. My weekend has been soiled and I now have to maple my son's treehouse whilst I willow my day away. Although... Now that I twig about it, having a treehouse in my yard sounds like a pine idea.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Dec 14 2020
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Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.

Security soon twigged I wasn't the real McCoy

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Oct 04 2019
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My boyfriend got me with this one...

Me: yeah I saw Styx back in the day.

Him: oh when they were still twigs?

I laughed way too hard.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/beccafawn
📅︎ Jan 17 2016
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Dadjoked my wife this morning...

She went out to the front yard and came back in after she picked up a few twigs to throw away.

I asked her "Is it sticky outside?"

Wife (not catching the joke) "Not really too bad"

My daughter got it, though: "Ugh, Dad"

👍︎ 15
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👤︎ u/hamlet_d
📅︎ Sep 02 2014
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